Way Up!

 I have to come and write. I can't sleep tonight. I really tried. I had a wonderful beach day hours in the sun and swimming and g=doing yoga and  even got a sunburn. I needed it. sometimes I want go and the day gets by me and I spend way too much time on my phone. like listening to Tarot cards like its really weird how much I do that now. I realize I do it a lot and then go back to playing music. It's like a weird addiction I have to say. Not feeling the best today. Like ppl are weird again. I have some new things happening but I guess it's been tough w Holidays, driving from FTL is annoying! Im all alone like in a car for a while and Im a lady, you know? Im not a lil 20 something like whatever.... if Im going to go somewhere it's gotta be worth it, gotta be like up to my standards. I have a lil taste and standards Honestly... So, Im a lil annoyed LOL ppl with their Bullshit, dirty ass places and crap I mean... Im just over dealing with a lot of it by now. LOL. I have this feeling in my soul like why aren't better ppl here yet who care? but so I offered myself... to help... the things needed sometimes happen to be what Im exactly good at. I think Im a writer. I don't care if you think this or that... it's important what U think of yourself and what you are ok with for U. Im definitely not ok w a lot of it LOL so I find I have a smaller group of friends but Im really ok with it. having too many "friends" at least for me was strange bc they weren't all my friends anyway so your trying to figure out who really is and I was just a very trusting person and wanted the most best for everyone... and if I was EVER snarky or whatever I was so just a hurt person w a pure soul underneath that. I am doing way better now. I am still trying to make the boo coup bucks without selling my soul like everyone else lol. I'm keeping my standards high and hoping u can just settle your lil ass in check mother fucker... I mean it. I can be cool but don't cross me hmmm Im holding it down. Im here to stir things up a bit. I don't have any problem with that. :)

I am happy to know you care. I am happy u got a chance to meet me hopefully and that I made a positive impact on your life. I am here to make real friends and be real with ppl and get creative I guess... I don't know I am deep, I have learned a lot and I value you and your opinion, believe it or not. Wana know what Im also a Dancer, a Healer, a very Intuitive Friend, Community Member, Visionary, Athlete, Independent Woman, and Writer,,, Im a Writer.... bc I like to write.... and never really thought I was that good enough to say "I'm a writer" but I am bc I am someone who feels... as an artist and I love words,,, I love learning, expressing myself and understanding this weird ass journey of life bc let me tell u... I wish I could just be soaring free somehow like a bird like Jenny wanted to do in Forest Gump... I said I felt like her... I don't want to end up like her. I want more for myself than that. I am going to be careful and I don't want to partake in everything. I have to follow my hearts call. I have to say OK you wana be like that... go ahead.... but I am like this and I will do what I feel is right for me. IS IT NOT>? Thank you for letting me say this. It is really important. I already feel SOOO much better. I need nature and that's about it. LOL I am nature! :;

The spy stuff is also kinda getting to me. Im really grateful though. I am. I have to go to India!!!!! or Japan!!!! or Istanbul!!! or soooo many placessss I can't wait to... please go wherever you want to go. I am the light.... please let me shine light on your path. I am not jelouse of you, I am happy for you, I am here to help you get to where you want to go. Be honest with yourself. I went to places and had to tell deep dark secrets and I went to 3 rehabs. Did you know that>? not my choice! 

Let me explain, First time I was taking pics of some "illegal immigrants" making pizza!!!!! I just thought I was taking a picture at a pizza place next door to a club was it called Rock Club>? I swear I can't even remember where I used to go bc I don't care. So upstate NY and when they tried to take my drink and phone away og=hhhhh it was a David Lynch movie. scary.

Then it was Jupiter Beach a place called Beach House that was for an incident in Key West... ugh what a nightmare. I can deal with a nightmare, I can. I just don't want to. I don't chose to watch those Investigator Drama mystery shows they all like. I do not like that!!!! I like spiritual stuff and creative stuff. 

Then again, outpatient for the same judge Judge Wilson, ughhh he's really extreme and cookoo doesn't get me... only understands who he himself is I guess. bc it was not the me me me he needed to see. So I moved to FTL, PS never wanted to but gave in to it bc of my father.... bc I don't care for the material world anymore... it's liberating to not be as into it as they want ... I did it,,, trust me I know. 

Some people will never understand... are there Billionaires new rich? study that. not trying to hate on anybody in a good place... but are they??? with that power... are they? since the system can be corrupted like IT IS... anything can then I guess. So it's really up to us to know better by now... not by ONE POINT but by a good amount of fuckingLIVING LIFE THE WAY that is closer to freedom ok? (I love this song) ((TEMPLE by Love Pass Filter))

Anyway, I want to say it isn't something to be proud of! I am like embarrassed that I had to do the stupid shit I had to do for a lot of shit actually. I wish not. don't. So I wanted to say I was only up for ONE NIGHT not a bunch of nights like everyone else.... I wasn't like other crazy friends who are AMAZING pppl by the way!!! I think that says a lot right there. & if not for u, it does for me and I don't care what your beliefs are. they shouldn't impact me like this. I am a very good lil soul who can finally say WOW OK YOU SUCK LOL to a lot of what she has seen. Not a problem... I have also seen So much that has molded me and shaped me and that I can feel inside of me... like that neighbor I had in London and the twins in Madrid and the project I won at Central St Martins, and so many special ppl I have met along the way. Real ppl. or that time when Im at a table dancing and Leonardo DiCaprio comes to the table... I pretended as if nothing LOL... and he was dating Gisele! its just like stuff like that... if I was a bad bitch I would but I don't have the need for that type of stuff. Or like Ralph Laurens son David picking me up at a Sony party! I mean... talk about dreamy stuff... I'm not kidding. I love stories. I love true stories lots. I don't have much time for fake ones at this moment in my life. I am here for the ride, with you my Ppls. WAKE UP!

Lost Beings of Hearing

To be

Los seres humanos

Losers no body to be thee!

To be wonderful humans its the plan aint it? Plant yourself pretty flowers…

Seed sprout above it

Be above it all

Graceful w bright pigmant 

Be, ser, se, eres, here it is.

Through whiskers in the sky or not

You are full of being you in your element 

All u need to do is do that you you do.

Tantalizing aromas pollen powderful

So many hues of yous yet each one of a kind.

Blues and Greens need your warmth 

Arousing demure. Surprising pop like spark 

Candy to the eye

Books written about u, bouquets of your relatives for centuries gave life to the dull graphite. Gaining wonder from Gaia mother organic organizings energy lightning. Loves you even if it falls on not. where art thou? The flowers? May Allows us & Maybe even all of us. Eden-tually oddly not to take after the mothers loom of blooms and give a hand to her at that. Wild Love to! See hue soon! Another place to look besides a book, the look of life, nature our neighbors, learning to love Earth and knowing her worth is pleasing Earth. A Moving Peace with her dances through time la vie devine, ohm mama mia. Telling all truth through ooze. Her fate greatfully appreciated finds a way to keep our faith like exclamation in a relaxation. Dont say more.

What to sei I spell it like that bc

I think its what I wana say. Oh what a night! I wanted to go so I went but cant deep end w light weights which is my free style selection! Great times are good and good times are easy… im looking for a good for me good time that is Great and masterful, no TAM wasted… its a pro grace… progressing w no sins whatsoever bc those are judgements, beliefs and I dont have the same ones as you do. My ones are a number that you dont need to know, neither does the government. They are clearly wireing us to show us that it may happen and the good ole days will be officially over. Freedom is dumb to count on like that. They are accountants and we are being insected on, is it not? What on Earth? We dont even all agree this is a ball anymore? Its a frisbee? Ok… so then? Why not? Free Be it so be it? Please ure Earths wings… fly the frequentcy with your vibration… adding in beware! We are being A way and make it your blest blessed boastful authentic way. I do as much as I can. I still get pressured, feel doubt/fear (rarely), simply want more from the world bc I dont see it all in a fair totality, I see what is given to live with and THAT is what Im talking about queens, not the real mellow drama. Vibe with me. Wherever u are I want u to be where u are bc you chose it, and to sit there w it til u realize a better way, and that nobody helps u just like me bc it sucks and it strengthens u, u eventually have to do u not bc anybody said so but bc ur nothing without knowing who you really are and who is your friend for real and your sence of ur own worth and more is for u to get closer to get clearer on… bc we love you and this journey we get to take with each other. Its ok to use tools to numb here but your not the same sane you. Your the other one and its not that Im trying to take that away from you… Im trying to simply be here loving my life living fully, incorporated with hobbies and my health and less war king 5-9 better CAUSE, si! No? Ha. Ok whatever I say must be done and so let it be so. Bada bing bada 💥 link ping damn pink pony Bruised… what a tale. Made it here no edit… fungi. 

Trust Harder...

 This whole way about me is not exactly how I expect life to go. I think it's hard to find someone to truly connect and be with for the long haul. I say to myself how I love ppl, I send my sincere love out to everyone involved, from my angels and ancestors to even yours. To be playful and honest is not my next version of me anymore so much. Im really more intro than extrovert I think. I rather learn something than be misunderstood by you and trying to prove anything. I don't feel the need to. Im not valued by everyone and Im yet aware of my value. Im really more ok w me than the rest of you. how would I know you really care for. me, believe in me, want the best in me? I don't know the truth. ppl are really holding back instead of being honest. Do you feel the same? do u like u? lets just start there. things need time. Im not a bird, I don't speak bird, but I try. do u even see the birds at all? I am proud of all of you for everything we have done. what r u planning for next? I think we are all family. I know we are. we're all somehow connected. I want to just show my respect for it all. how should I do that>? I have an opinion. maybe it's ok to keep being myself... be a light so I can find you. love all trust harder. 

I haven't written on here in a while Crocodile...

 I drove in a crazy rain storm. It wasn't normal. I will tell you that. I am super happy by the way, I kinda look at my phone too much, yes I don't want to but I used to be SO busy I never had time for that... so now I do... I think Im actually really lucky LOL like to be able to learn so many things... I rather read but its so hard to w the phone... Im addicted to Tarot card readings... I don't care about much else ... except Gaza. I do care about that but then U KNOW WHAT? I care about CUBA. We forgot about CUBA.... So YES Im pissed off at allllll of Yalll for disturbing the peace.... Good Luck To ALL The Cubans. Dont forget It’s the Cuban Link!

Religious

They said “deny yourself and pick up your cross” and I disagree. Whats worked for me is to actually pay more attention to my own intuition. To treat myself better likeTreat myself in this world! Instead of work so hard that I ignore myself. I cant believe I did that. Always for whatever had to be done before me. Before myself. I wasnt in “need” of a massage. Guess what? I so was. It changed me. Things like that changed me. I just want ppl to invest in themselves more. I was so busy, too busy to think of my own needs. It always was a catching up kinda feel. I felt smart like a surfviving rat but never prioritizing my own life, needs, desires. I have a deep hurt inside me. Its there. Bc i know something most ppl cant even imagine. I love that about my persona now. Im not you. You cant be me. You are something I wnaa know more about… I wana be your friend. I wonder, will u. I am always wondering. I want us all to be friends. That means not do wonother wrong. But mistakes are welcome. Can we just be friends like human family first. Idk if u can. I want that. Do u? Does anybody hear me? Im so lost if not. I love this whole thing but I dont, if not. I just cant even do it… if we cant have that baseline. We are human. We have done so much. We are incredible beings. I am so proud of everything u have done wow. I am one of u. I am just one person. I want u to know how special you are in my life if u are here still now… im speaking to you. I am speaking from my heart and solar plexus… I am you. Do you know how much … you are Human… you are Priceless. I am your motivational manager LOL kidding idk but im always here just for u to know that I truly love u … all. I am. God is. You are. We will… forever… and always… what? Be. I think its be. But we can do more than that. We can be here for each other. I dont wana be here if we dont. I cant understand the seperation. Segragation. Thelost. Iam here now. That should be enough. Hi hello. Yes I am reaching out. I want to say I love you, even tho I might not even know u. But I do. I trust that u will do whatever is best… not just for u… but for all of us. Thank you. I cant thank u enough.

Pry

Vacy. Meaning not vacant. Very unavail. Private. Keeping 

My dog Roxy sat on my wire that was charging my phone while I was texting. I take it as a sign because I see their faces their eyes. I see that the dogs know something that we don’t know you’re trying to tell us to get off of our phones. They want us to be more present. They’re upset that we are looking on our stupid phone so much they are sad by it. They are so sad by it that it’s actually a situation to be acknowledged. Our dogs are our best friends and we love them so much yet we are so infatuated these stupid technology dopamine machine. and they are suffering from it. They want us to know that this is not the way and yet I do admit I still love my phone and researching and looking at things because there’s so much to do on it, but our talks are present time. They are the gifts of now. They are here too give love unconditionally and they’re all we have really. there are best teachers. I am so sad that I am one of those humans who is addicted to the phone. I am addicted to the phone addicted to learning addicted to feeling good addicted to whatever is the next thing that I can do I have such a hard time stopping to just feel even though I have exercise that thank God thank you to the programs that I have signed up to be a but I am definitely not perfect. I struggle with that. It is something that I have to make extra effort intentionally to do just to just even do correctly incorrectly. It doesn’t matter as long as you do it. I believe the dogs are right I can feel that they know something we don’t know. so hard to not at the end of the day going down the rabbit hole. I so much appreciate all the things. All the signs. Leo and Roxy are here with me now and they can’t speak. They can’t say this, but I know what they’re feeling. I know that they are wanting more from us in a way as doggy parents perhaps it’s just so many things might be. Their food I want attention we give them their outdoor activities. I don’t know, but they also do appreciate us for grooming them and loving them the way we do thank you for listening.