In with the New New…

I want to confess that around the full moon I drank too much alcohol and it was my closure of the old and I’m starting my new life now and my structure begins back in September. This time it was goodbye to everything I don’t want to be anymore. I had some severe pains in my neck going down my right arm so my excuse was I was self medicating. I danced and tried to let loose to bring some healing to the pains shooting down my arm. To me it spoke of weapons “arms” and how we need to put all of that down and away especially since seeing the devastation in Nepal, Mother Earth is talking and the BOOMS we cause on her are part of the Global Warming we are creating with our bombs. I completely detest what is happening. I am looking at myself and needing to truly make the change. 

I got my moon right after, not sure if there is a connection there with the swing of my moods and things. I also caught a cold! Besides that since I have not poisoned myself again and I’m declaring peace! I’m putting all that away and the yoga and herbalism courses will give me the structure I’m looking for. I had a deep conversation with my now partner Jimmy that grew our bond and I’m determined to evolve drastically from this point fwd bc the world needs me to. It’s really THAT important. I apologize for my behavior. 

This is the NEW NEW…

“My goal is to live freely, trusting in a greater source while learning how to navigate the systems around us—and, where possible, help improve them. I am here to help, heal, inspire joy, and contribute to a more conscious and compassionate world, beginning with my own growth and allowing that energy to ripple outward through collaboration with my human family. I care deeply about humanity, our beautiful Mother Earth, and the well-being of all living beings.

My journey has evolved from design and artistry into wellness, energy healing, and now private money brokerage. With a lifelong passion for connecting people and a strong real estate influence from my mother, an experienced realtor and broker, I am excited to continue reinventing myself in this new role. I aim to connect clients with the resources, opportunities, and funding they need to grow their assets and achieve their goals. Through all my endeavors, I hope to bring fresh energy, attract aligned clients, and help people create positive, lasting improvements in their lives.”
All in divine timing. 🙏🏼✨

So glad to be back! & Good.

I truly believe in divine timing and that this is orchestrated mostly by our overall higher power… which works with no force but still accomplishes incredible things. That’s my muse, that’s my inspiration for how I wana be in the world. 

The things that shoot out from my brain are quite literally merduring LOL in a good way… murder vs merde… kill vs shit… use your brain… no really tho please let’s use it better and be playful but also precise right? We are not trying to hurt anybody!!! It’s so hard when your just being outspoken and (honest) vs staying in my nest so comfy not saying a word LOL that’s not as (honest). Here is my next one to get off my chest… 

Busy? Bicycle in Spanish is Bicicleta pronounced BUSY cleta fun job maybe? ;) 

Just pulling your leg… cuz the next one is coming… 

I’d like to feel I can make more noise or be my busy self perhaps more creative at night… some places only have day for two hours a day… what then? Sleep more or be me more? Haha why am I asking you? Idk I feel like hearing what you think for a change is that something you can get into deciding where you yourself stand by now? Or am I the only ballsy ballerina of the group for now? This surely won’t be a forever thing now will it? Let’s dance? Let’s whisper and let’s do some deep healing and sharing to cross over some Amazon rainforests and get over this weird hump. He’s not as important as you… look into ourselves and see where we can improve for ourselves. Do that then complain like some high and mighty perfect example my white ass with freckles is smiling like my face… in the dark you wouldn’t know the difference. Kidding. 

I have my period and I even yelled at some family bc their two twin kids sitting behind me were just out of line completely and this is RIGHT AFTER I was asking God to give me a child of my own. Bc I don’t know what else is better for me. And I’m kinda thinking I can get artificially inseminated and just do it on my own entirely. I am now thinking desperate measures that wouldn’t normally be my preferred style. Because I don’t know. Some things I don’t wana say../ and then we are all different and most ppl wouldn’t have gone this far! But I have these classy manners and like I’m traditional too inside I must have all the dualities in a perfect unique dish that eventually if u eat it will come out of your ass just like everything else does. Not that I wana focus there but I want u to notice the actual absurdities that in the end I see fitting. I can’t tell you enough. It’s like so many things are a joke or have this obvious playful other meaning.. maybe u have to speak more than one language to understand this… but you can learn and I can teach u and it exists in English in itself in millions maybe billions of ways… bc it’s breaking down the root word to know the meaning of the word so u just basically do that for answers and you really hear it and the similarity of another … what else does it sound like? So its PLAY! And we can play with all of life, the reasons why things are named such and such and what they sound like and that same sound in a diff language… it’s a little ways of being more aware and more playful and more explorative… if we can’t easily travel we surely can with our thoughts and mind and the study of the ways in which we choose the words. Is this impeccable? No. So I’m breaking a Totalitarian Law… but its to learn something as a foolish creative and it’s like being a child and sometimes I may or we may be wrong but to get it right we have to go see and find out. We can’t just follow the directions when their are no directions and when leaders are showing their aren’t rules we must explore what rules we wish to truly keep. What resonates? How can we teach respect, love, honesty, … I was a kid too. I had a brother and we were annoying! Or rebellious and we had fun doing that. When ppl let us get away with things or when we felt like mini Gods… like we were affecting for our reasons and if we were allowed. 

These parents defended their cute kids right. 

Of course ok!

But I am an innocent person LOLOLOLOL who now was in the position of that role when the guy sitting in the plane is like what the fuck your kicking my chair…I can suck it up BUT NOT FOR 9 hours mother fuckers!!!!! 

So I had my period! (Don’t forget,,, women can be different versions of themselves depending on these things… many things)

I was up late the night before my hand is swollen w a new tattoo and I also just had some red wine Butttttt

I even also was intelligent enough to mention a solution to the problem LMAO 

I’m sorry actually I really am but OMG this is just I wish I was a better Jesus but Jesus is a woman this time and he teaches shit in diff straight up ways and you assholes are the ones to give another cheek meaning you have a blank face and don’t even support my side. I’m like OK soooo 

Most ppl are in a relationship or have kids so THIS IS THIER NORM hahaha NOT MINE! 

I also thought of if I would have a kid my kid would not be allowed to do that WHY bc I myself have consideration and would make sure to teach them! That’s important for me! Whatever way you do with your kid u can’t ever even tell what they will come out to be bc it’s not a one way road! So do it your way OK but I’m like …

I turn around in my seat and ask WHO IS THE MOTHER OF THESE KIDS? Right over their head LOLOL

(That’s where I first went wrong bc I could have just asked them like an adult to adult kind of before tattle telling… BUT I just was trying to respect the whole topic of children and I’m not their parent bc these days u can’t even like take a pic or appreciate the beauty of kids wo the parents worrying about sickos or some shit. We are tarnished into fear there just like the racism thing… so like they re-run that vibe and it’s like awkward to see a colored person at a CVS like we are white and against them! Omg Please take me off your list this is a clepto crank call from THE DIVIDERS who run this game for profit… while we work for them… slay slaving our life away a waving can’t buy me love, plant more grass ass or gas nobody rides for free except them bc they aren’t doing that great at their job… this whole thing is already runnin on low battery and a broken record Dream made from repetition and to give us a lil structure and stuff… I mean it’s obvious we needed something w this incredible energy we have. But so do u see it? Now the government is an imp thing here that helps us GLOW AND FLOW GO TO THE BRIGHT DIRECTION AND BALL OF LOVE TAKE A GLANCE AND NOTICE THE BALANCE FALL AND ACE FROM LEARNING MORE THAN EARNING. Hi, low, hello won’t u tell me your way? We are the dream of the past… what is the new one?

It’s like Mars since it feels kinda far away from here. But heart of here tap in… glow within, expand the love you have and lead with this primal intuitive understanding. 

Where was I? 

Flossing my teeth that’s all Folks! 

Love you and not over set Goal! 

Xoxoxoxo

TTAM

Scared of a Lady Bug?

 Once I saw a lady bug in my salad and I freaked out, I mean I FREAKED OUT! I threw my fork & ran out of the restaurant, sat on the curb in the middle of the Meatpacking District in New York City in hyperventillation like in almost a sweat my heart racing in just shock that a Lady Bug was in MY salad! It was that I wasnt expecting it! It scared the hell out of me. I cant even explain the franticness I was in like I may have cried I cant even remember exactly but it was just terrible and then I thought about all the bugs that we literally live with and how you know, they are everywhere and should be our friends and how they deserve to be here too and just it was so overwhlming that the wave of FEAR I guess took over. 

Looking back, I find this to be kinda funny bc after all it was a lady bug! They are good luck aren't they? They are cute! I mean imagine the bug could have been a mini monster type bug! you know like all the other ugly ones omg they are so scary! Roaches or a worm, a silverfish, something with antennas that sniffs or a dead fly idk. Just the possibilities are endless LOL. So, I got lucky LOL. 

Beings.

"I have a new poem Id like to share...

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a Bee!

Bumming through the trees

Looking for color in a world he only saw green

Bummer for him,

Ready to pollenate something

Fuzzy Wuzzy um bee leaves

Hiding from his Queen."

By: Tamara Aida Diaz

Feels like I wana build

Invent, create, 

Snake plant on the wooden bench by the window and black out blinds down but I still feel something wants to peek from the cracks, who is this? How can someone look inside without my consent? And you better believe it! Have you seen those Amazon drones coming? Even ppl that drive for uber and lift have so many cameras on and around their vehicle,,, when one gets behind me on the road it feels like a police officer. Maybe I’m mischief? I’m just in hiding not yet gona be out there. I like being presented or talk show host… can a heart breaker also be a healer? I’m hurting from the pain I have inflicted by being honest! By explaining. Can we be friends? I am not sure I can do relationship yet and choose to stay open. I’m needing the dough and flipping pizzas now LOL Jimmy pass the Paperoni baby! Packed and Deliver .. UPS trucks! 

The Phoenix is Free! The burn marks left a unique print, burnt feather edges, goes to show you the fire I was in, was true. Calling, Connection! Strange Rover lol. 

First of all...

 Grateful beyond words, beyond description. 

My heart is stretched wide like a country wide. Wealth is OUR birthright, I don't quite fit in to this banal system but Im good for lots of things that go beyond anything that can be explained in labels and this outdated direction thats been manufactured to follow. Fighting to boycott the diminishing of my light, my Lord the devastation ppl are facing! Stop these devils from their unending greed! Interrupt it with healing, inspiration for the new generations to pay attention to the Good. This inescapable feeling of entrapment, cornering us w ultimatums and bribery.

Im going my way, still unclear, it's got blind spontaneous turns at any moment bc I follow my pulls of curiosity, and listen to myself beyond what Im told. The woman I am now is on a path of her own, none already taken, not afraid to stand in front of bullets and bombs for what's right, to save the innocent people and children! I am ok even if I never return. This world needs me. Needs me barbaric and humble and low maintenance to show my real needs are not of their making. I pray we can save the direction, outsmart them. We must find each other in the maze and blind folded... Reach out and hold hands and build our own better network. Too many working for them, they deny and turn a blind eye to their own truths compass. 

Beam aware, take your life back! The way of war we work for is not worth our entire lifetime. This death sentence you accept is the craziest thing of all, if we would all stop, create. a pact of peace and love, hard forgiveness, no hard love. Soft and sweet like powdered sugar. 

Hold our horses, Hold your loved ones, be the dream team, we already are that! Let go the hoarding, out of balance for more carats Good bye dream stealer of the potential future. We see you looking for a new planet, you don't fit in here, over ruled, out numbered. Tease us with money but we have value that you can't afford to even have near, No dear. 

No matter what it was all be ok I say, if only I could stand by the ones having trouble to support them, Id love to. The Earth provides, better to need less. 

Your son may have a different view from you, standing bare naked, he may begin again. 

I am happy and hard working, not perfect, I care for humanity and the better for our planet if that's not what our government is for then what is this dammit? The joke to vote! A woman of the WORLD! Make sure dear GOD there are more here for good. I send a wave of blessing over the whole Earth. My love to your heart, may it be just the amount to hit just right, profoundly melting those knots, letting you breathe again, free your worries, set you free, Free to Be! 

Step out into the unknown, trusting the Universe no matter what. Help where you can at no charge it will come back around. You are here with the rest of us angels blessed one. Love is all around. 

I began to edit...

 I began to edit 

the profile pictures pouring into boring,

none of them grasped my whole essence.

Before that my closets.

the small hill of colorful fabrics lays waiting to be taken to the next phase

to be sifter through new hands on a rack

relived on the bosom of another, looking for comfort,

for one day of the year.

I pulled out the bags of biz cards,

thought I'd add them to a CRM 

make order of potential clients.

Sold to me as "free" now limits me to 1,000 contacts only

the catch came, fooled me again.

I had a weekend immersion course for my Broker training,

I couldn't stay focused on the boring ways of reality.

I thought I could learn something hard 

but is this those things you meant to edit from my life?

Im seeing the truth stinging me like a roar as a lullaby goes into a snore.

Will I ever be an artist again? A respectable rebel?

One who finds the passing expressions & in her net catches them?

A land of language beyond the horizon?

Can I be more poetic?

Finding ways to play in paper and pens?

If only I let it...

and edit. 

https://rainierwylde.substack.com/p/stop-living-like-a-machine?r=xruy4&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

There is a fire in me...

 There's a fire in me that love won't put out. Im learning what love is, a way of accepting not correcting. There's a fire in me that wants to improve things, change things for the better. It's hard to let it all be and love it as so. The fire in me wants to push and motivate, wants discussion and to opinionate. A fire so hot it takes and evaporates, it swallows your air to burn brighter, growing its glow. A fire that sparkles and pops with ideas and spits wit possibly leaving a scar on your skin. It comes off warm but without warning takes things too far, ends up hurting. I have to keep my fire nestled in my arms behind a rib cage, warming my cold heart. It belongs there, somewhere safe that protects me, gives me gifts of sunny rays. There's is a fire in me that I feel is my fate and it benefits me, soul nourishing. 

Creators Collective prompt for Johnny Cash "There's a fire in me that love won't put out"