Ive been needing to come here and share... my idea now is to turn the big wheel of fortune on this thing and like a YIN YANG... just go the other direction. its like the wheel of a ship for some reason and its hard to turn it bc all the pressure to go a certain way has been built up to keep that momentum but now you have to steer it to the light.... its a way I see I can keep on instead of running away and starting a new blog... the way we usually re-invent ourselves... we start over.
So much cool stuff to make! so much amazing things to discover, wonderful ppl to yet meet, experiences to learn from, so much light and the fight to keep our light cuz if the steering is going towards the light it cant also drive towards the dark! So Ive discovered a way that might work! Maybe you knew already>? but I had to learn it for myself and so here I am, pretty proud to finally be here. its like as if the Truman Show of ppl around me had to keep quiet about the secret bc ... bc maybe I asked them to before I got to living the challenge I dont fucking know! Im not like them LOL but what If I turn into THEM and not say anything when naturally I feel like I should! Its So Hard! LOL My channel is too open. this is the gift and it comes with a punishment... we can think of more examples for traits that are GOOD but in extreme forms can be bad. like being too honest is TOO honest so ok say the truth but ,,, u get it. same with too generous, or very disciplined, a well mannered person can be too mannered that it can be annoying even LOL. I just know it can be bc I know it all exists and its all like this! Lets think of what cant be like this... ok, a good painter cant be too much of a good painter. so its about action. Can an organized person be too organized>? YES! prob bc, I imagine that they would suffer wo order around. like imagine taking them to Burning Man in your RV they would need to be in their own tent and fine suffer, suffering is growth, suffereing from what u cant have or achieve is like nature u gota deal with things not always going your way. so too this, too that, too talented for instance... she better be successful! What the fuck r u gona do all talented and not be able to apply it to be successful>? thats talent in a box waiting to POP and thats a shame. Like money laundring backwards,,, you can make a bunch but you cant bc whatever u cant... its a stupid reason probably... its just not what shes good at. SO where r the other mother fuckers at? the ones who fit into the puzzle? They are shy, they are unaware of their own potential to help and offer themselves... they are lacking imagination and need to be like set up and escorted to this job and told what exactly they need to do and how much money they will make and they wanaanknow how many hrs of their time this is gona take and shit.... this is the team we gota be TEAM with. UNLIT with the LIGHT cuz they are in 2019 still.
Im not worried anymore. The trash has the potential to be an artists GOLD. After school activities should be held at the thrift stores in some back room and outside for artsy kids to play with the stuff nobody wants to buy. Thats the mission, the project and the play where to play and no new materials should be used until like college or after college or outside of stuff but not even really. Backsides of paper from businesses should be re used by students who can read the weird shit it says,,, the terminology in a law office, see it.
My laptop went missing for a sec, it should pop back but idk.
I even went to a tarot lady recently. It was like she landed on my lap, like a fairy would. She didnt tell me anything I didnt already know but confirmed a lot. the main thing was FORGIVENESS which is what happened with me and why Im ok now. I just felt and could let go, it was forgiveness. u cant force it even tho u wana do it its not gona just happen,,, its timing and its 2020 so it happened and its just time to grow up and out and like look somewhere else I guess? They say not to look at the past so much but thats all u know and the future is full of anxiety if u dont know where you are or where your going so then ur told to focus on the past and you know your brain isnt gona just stay there... u have stories and all the stories are the past! u love the stories! One major help was to "Change your story" I didnt feel like I needed to but you can change how u look at it... so the whole victim thing was like I won some award bc I wasnt the one who did anything wrong... bla bla bla but over time... u think i didnt do anything wrong? well, I cared less about the nice person I was and became a lil drunk and tainted and then like whatever the recipe for anger and sad can do to this person is that,,, in certain instances she just decides to be audacious and try something she has never done before... Oh and a bunch of revenge! So its like "why not" all of a sudden when Dude, your not that! your a good lil Catholic girl who deserves love and good friends and structure and exercise and love and more love... and your thrown around, land in the gutter, think everyone is your friend even the bumbs and your loving it! your crouching down with them in their tents interviewing them to learn why this happened to them. Then u realize that u will never understand, these ppl dont even make any sense and u cant truly ever understand bc mixed with the lies they are spewing and shit... BUT I thought to myself and realized how It is hard for everything and everyone and how maybe not all of them deserve my time and heart or even money... it wasnt even my money... it was the money I got as part of my budget to live and I was willing to give some of it to ppl who I felt needed it more. I didnt have much tho... but in my case, I knew that more would come the following week, thats nice to know. Not even a job would make me feel that way bc its like you dont know when your not going to be there anymore ... shits cut throat. Projects are temporary and anything consistant is such a gem. The trash is picked up on certain days, its one of those consistant things. Taxes on a certain time of year, I dont like that, I just have to learn more about it I guess. A lot of ppl have structured lives, I guess I have trouble wanting that bc I get tired of the monotony. I like working independantly but also with others.
I will come back to say more but Im tired now.
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