On the way to #HAPPY

Vision of Bliss...

A clear vision for what I want and placing the focus there... Creating a plan to get there... Where do I wana be in 5yrs? In 10? In the next 5 I would like to have more experience in either retail or some type of similar shop so that I can learn how to run my own business. I need to potentially be able to understand and manage a business so that one day I can have my own. I wish I could just be my own boss but I need to have a good manager to learn from so that's what I clearly want. The thing is that a fashion retail atmosphere can be lacking some sort of ultimate fulfillment so that's why I am not completely wanting that and when u don't want something wholeheartedly then your not really gona get it. So then I'm torn to sorta which careers and go into natural medicine like herbs and spices and healing the body through teas and clean food like raw or simple tapas like dishes set in an atmosphere which is my dream shop. I need to clarify who my target market is... The gaps need to be clear in order to go from here to there wo the huge jumps in between. All this nonsense I say all these words but I'm just talking out loud, thinking things through on paper wether it's a thought, an idea, a frustration, whatever! I'm trying to get someplace... I'm not where I want to be yet but it's the journey and all the times I fall or whatever happens and this is just my story. A story I don't wana have to explain at any moment in time really BC that's kinda why I'm doing it now as I go along. I don't have much more time to waste. I have to get clear on things. So an experience in a course in natural medicine for somebody who doesn't want to be a doctor. A kinda raw food cleansing experience for like 3months sounds magical. I'd love to do that so I can learn more about it and also to clear my head and body for a better me. I'm craving this social consciousness venue... I want it to exist already but that's why I need to create it. It's the big idea, the vision I have for myself and for bettering humanity... Bringing ppl the good in life, the green movement, not harming animals, wo causing pollution, helping the Earth, understanding the benefits in what we can put in and on our body... What happens in say art therapy or the feelings u get from seeing colors next to other colors. A hands on tangible museum where art forms unite. So many beautiful things in the world that we need to appreciate or take better care of. I love photography, coffee table books, video art projections, things that make u laugh or inspire you. I love beauty. I love superficiality but to a certain extent if it means that I'm buying something that makes me happy and it's a 5$ tshirt then it doesn't make me happy to know the story behind that being made in China etc. things need to change. I love the concept of burning man, of installation art, of what ppl can do when they all come together and create, the installation art and the meanings behind it all. Knowing more about the energy for the time like what's in the stars and making ppl happy! Music! Art! Creating magic! Clean, knowledgable, friendly, compassionate, timely ideas and doing things w the future in mind. I want to make this a better place and I believe in myself I'm meant to be hosting this happy place and connecting the dots and having ideas w a place to expose them and having everyone involved in something they love being a part of. I don't want u to feel down or depressed like sometimes, many times, I have. I am a ball of inspiration! A Ball of Love! I want the Earth to be a Ball of Love BC we are all parts of it becoming so. I want to feel like I'm a part of something, I want u to be a part of it too. I want it not to be mine but to be OURS. I will blow on a dead dandelion and make a wish that I find like minded ppl who want this too... Friends and family whom I haven't even met yet to be found! I want to plant the seeds of the whisps in the air and may they plant new flowers like a migrating, replicating, weed of yellow happy and bloom! If my wish comes true I hope it's in line w what u want out of the future too and that UR wish comes true too. 

-TAMBOnita

Park & don't ever get a ticket!

U have to define your target market and in that get precisely keen on knowing their next step even if they r the unpredictable type, taking chances.

The message in getting if I try to really think about it is to hold our children close. 

And to really love and teach them everything they should know from UR heart to theirs and to lead them into a world where they have the love courage wisdom strength and that will bring us all happiness cuz the youth needs some fine tuning.... I am also a damaged product of that. That's what I believe. I am affected by the lack of real knowledge in the way that was right for me to fully absorb it... I was thirsty for it and the longer more time went by the more I settled and accepted that I couldn't get what I really needed and wanted. I gave up and just said fuck it, this is easier than trying and trying is what i was originally made for... I was held back like a husky on reigns in the snow. I was obedient. But canputuring somebody from what true freedom and fully rich education... Idk I mean, I'm just saying what I went through. I am disappointed in the school system from MY story. Not knowing what it's like now but I imagine kids are a wreck and way more depressed than we were at that age. We must send love and starting w ourselves. Your the worst judge and your old thoughts are leading you astray. You are showing a side of u what even for? Why do this to yourself? Lol idk but I just HQVE to finish what I've started as it's become a home away from home when I can just think of why I have this feeling of Mmmmm un fulfillment? I have a meeting at 10am then a shoot at 3pm DTLA studio and I'm gona wing it BC it's not worth too much planning this time more improvised might help me make something cool.. It's easy I love it but sometimes it's not right and that's the challenge or the shot... It's a magic that needs capturing, theirs no other way. 

I feel better writing a bit. 

Love, u all.

Amber Heard it-girl...

We Selfie too...

Sky in the Sky

Been working on a collage for Jean Farrell, SKY's mom. I used the last portrait Sky uploaded on her IG that happened to be a shot from 2006 I took of her when we hung out at my old apt in NYC. I hadn't seen the picture in all these years and she suddenly left this life, #ripskyfarrell I am in a bit of delusion and feel a bit lost having to accept this. I hadn't seen her in years and we chose to "loose touch" or "go our own ways" BC we weren't on the same page of life anymore although she was constantly in my thoughts BC she was a huge part of my life. I always asked the same ppl who were in contact w her, how she was doing. I now have resentment for not calling her everytime I simply thought of her. Sky that I knew had evolved into a different version and it wasn't the same but it was also very much the same deep down inside. Anyway, the Vicious Skylicious was what she chose for herself and I didn't connect w the street cred gangster thing basically cuz I wasn't as drawn to it. I sold art at galleries, I made art myself, I was more drawn to the fashion world but of course so was she and everything overlapped so we just went slightly different ways the only difference might have been how we prioritized the order to our hobbies BC in fact they were always quite similar. I was really impressed to see her latest work on her website www.viciousskylicious.com BC she has come such a long way as a young artist herself I must say. Since her passing of a stroke, now a week later, I have devoted some time to create something for her mom, a collage w that portrait of her from the photo I took in 2006 seemed to be one she liked and perfect to be remembered by since she looks so holy and so non vicious as the later Sky indeed enjoyed being. Her art is definitely worth having a look at, it's nothing like mine... Mine has so much more order to it and hers so intense and her signature art drips really put so much texture and depth, I enjoy seeing her joys in her work... She was so rich in image and color and the juxtaposing of rigid cuts of paper vs the softness of a teardrop of paint all smudged in and combined together give this hands on feeling of art that I so love. My portrait of her is for her mother to cherish BC Sky was my best friend as young little girls and roommates in boarding school. Something very bonding we went through... And so much more. I wanted to add a rose symbolic of beauty and nature to her plump gorgeous lips BC it's a reminder for me and everyone to speak beauty or nothing at all. Since she is gone its important for me to change in someway from who I was before this happened and this is One of the ways I intend to make a change and it will be difficult to do and as usual easy enuf to say. The image exudes a sense of peace now for me to look at when wo it it's not a peaceful thing to know that she won't ever be back... So I added all the beauty I could to her crown BC I know how much she loved nice things, luxury, gems, gold, things that shined... She also is a wonderful shining star who is finally at peace somewhere in the Sky... And hopefully she helps us have the peace we need here on Earth. Love u baby girl.

Its been a lot of verbal diarrhea... Its like thoughts that I try to observe when I know they confuse me... I dont try to make them anything else. I just sit and listen and they come at my worst, so strong, so angry, so dark, so sure of their crap...\ I want to be clear of that. I also want to be clear about everything else. This is not a prayer. This is not some place you come to for a particular reason, some answer u need,,, some shit to buy,,, some sob story either actually... Im sorry this blog isnt what u expected. This is not even much but my whole entire lifes SIDELINES... its a nomansland. I have gone from a "fashion blog" to a "throw my ridiculous nonsense in the air" in just a FEW. I dont blame myself, I dont blame anybody. I am just blaming the circumstances for what they are and these are my facts and they have done what science only knows. I was a good girl, I raised my hand in class, I spoke w manners... and then that all vanished... what happened then happened... I saw differences in cultures. they impacted me and I impacted them... and life WENT ON. I never thought anything bad would happen to me. I just felt like life sucked at a time when I felt trapped bc I am one who needs to be free... so I felt it... bc putting me on a tight schedule was not what was gona work. not for me. I cant tell you all my problems. Your not gona solve them anyway. I miss Sky, I miss her bc she is gone, I cant believe shes gone. Sky was a girl I wish I spent more days and nights getting to know bc all the ones I had with her werent ENOUGH. I want her back. but it wont happen. But I still want her back you know? She was my best friend when we were young... her Dad died when she was 11 yrs old and I was asked to leave Gulliver for an incident I had nothing to do with. This brought us together... we went to boarding school in CT... I was a couple yrs older than her and we became roommates... but thier was actually 3 to a room... we went from one Cuban girl half the year to a Venezuelan the rest of the year. I was done with Rumsey after my first year of highschool... she continued there and I spoe to her all the time, I couldnt believe she was still there. When we were there together we would leave to the city. We would take the train ourselves as like 12 & 14 yrs olds and ride to FAO Swarts and buy candy and HELLO KITTY shit and just be silly and pretty much happy to get away and feel free. I remmener this one time we visited this old lady who was friends with idk who knows maybe her father and she was this wonderful old lady who spent a lot of time at Studio 54 and stuff... she let us into her apt, we looked at all these amazing books these pictures of her in that time and that was little me and Sky who were there observing, thinking that meant the world... (when that was just but a tip) We went through so much together,,, for me it was a lot of angst really... I was really pissed at my parents. I didnt get that from Sky at all. I guess I was like a peer but to me she did ANGELIC things... she made ALLLLLLL those times better.... she really did. If she wasnt there I would have died before her bc I would have cut the oxygen to my brain myself and im not even kidding. I really love her. I really miss her I have more stories... but i feel like shit about allowing or witnessing or whatever just being here still and i know theirs a better story..... i know their are so many great ones.... Sky please come back for one last hug please come back for one more last hug....