TAMBONITA

Ok so, ok so, ok so, ok so so, ok so ok so ok so so ok so ok so okso ok sk ok ok ok ok ok ok well ok ok ok ok ok elm elk um well auto ugh ok no ok no really tho ok no really tho ok no really tho ok no really tho ok no really tho ok no but so um no really tho ok so now um really tho ....

Self Centered...

The road less traveled...

Feels like...

From this day forward I will never say anything bad about anybody ever again. That's what I feel.

Self Love... Selfie...

I'm not finished...

So much to say and I never say the right thing LOL. So I'm at this cool little bar having a glass of red wine... I was just at a wearable art show in DTLA tonight, left early bc I couldn't see anything from the three areas I attempted to stand in. Before that, I was on a plane from ny! Just landed basically! I feel like embarrassed to be here drinking alone and I thought about all the stupid ppl I know and which one of them I felt like going out with or are even available to at all and it's like NOBODY... So I just go alone! I've been doing this for quite sometime now actually. But whatever it's kinda lame honestly lol it's just that I actually like being on my own terms bc honestly ppl are complicated. 

I have a higher self too...

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up when I feel like it. I'm going to spend a day in NYC under my rule, my schedule, my pace, my choices, my real thoughts which are mostly positive might I add. I'm going to let the Universe guide things instead of fighting and pushing like my mother does. I am so having a hard time dealing with her like being cast under her spell and I keep saying Yes and I keep swallowing to let her BE, I keep asking God to calm me down and to help me deal with somebody that has me on edge and I can't control the tears from filling my eyes but u know what, the tears don't fall bc I'm trying SO hard that they don't actually fall unless I let them. I'm acting on my best behavior. I'm THERE, I'm working hard to be somewhere with life and behind issues that can make a difference and all this passion of mine has manifested into something ppl can actually see but I now am seeing how hard it is, For all of us!!!!!! Every single person on this Earth is having a hard time I swear 

That's why we have to accept when we see another fall etc how we should support each other not just financially but also emotionally being so so huge. I am one of them.... Thinking as I'm walking the streets who to call and tell my stupid bullshit pain to! How I don't want to bother anybody I know w these things. How sometimes I don't have the space for other people's problems but really also how I would actually want to help a friend but that even when u help it's just hard like dealing with walls and that even when I tell ppl my advice sometimes they won't take it! So why would I take somebody else's? Would I? If I had to talk to myself and advise myself about tomorrow I think it's best to Network By going to a Tradeshow called Coterie... I'm going to use my meditation app and on the way there wear my headphones (which I never use while walking the streets bc I like to hear the sounds of the city) I will wear something elegant but make it fun, I will take a shower or bath anytime I feel like it! It can be in the morning or middle of the freakin day or a long one at night. I will wear one of my bag designs and have my business cards ready in case anybody compliments it. (Can u believe the ppl who made my biz cards didn't put my Instagram on it? Ugh!) I will try to maybe rent a bike and bike the west side highway if I want to, I will have my eyes open for inspiration, I will be called and attracted by things I should try like a new place I should walk into. I will be my free self and I will be in charge of changing my vibe into what type of person I want to be bc I want to just be who I already am but a happier version! I will take care of myself, I will choose to eat healthy bc that's just what I like to eat, I will try to LOVE myself bc I really need it. I will right now tell myself how much I accept and care for myself and breathe in love and exhale gratitude for being who I am and being my true God or higher self or even friend. How what I think is beautiful and that it exudes  honesty and sincerity and that I am wonderful and extremely talented. I can't make better things come faster so I have to relax and let the right things come when the time is right and to let go of what is out of my control. I want to be under control and not feel like I'm going to POP when I get angry. I do things for more Han myself but bc I also care about my ideas that are about helping OTHERS. If I have to be a human that only cares about myself to succeed i wouldn't be happy with that either. If this doesn't work I will move away and I'm thinking I will stop all social media, start a new blog and get a new job in a new town where it's cheap and nobody knows me. I don't think that's a bad experience I think it could be fun to get lost and that means not speaking with anybody I know at all ppl will think I died. Sometimes I think about that and it's only really running away... But if this doesn't work I might just go and do that. I could move to Mexico or something, I can start over somewhere comfortable and friendly and sunny. I can leave everything and be free. I don't have kids but I want some but for now I want to figure this stupid life out and I'm giving this right now MY ALL.  So, I truly hope I can make this happen. For now I'm just going to have a nice day tomorrow.