Seeed

I feel like a seed. In the dark. In the warmth of the Earth, from the sun. It’s juicy moist texture all around me. Should I come out to see the sun? Should I stretch my arm out for some fun? Cool inside this cuccooon I’m pampered, things feel just right. The texture I’m in is pleasant like my bed right now. Striving for something we feel we must!!!! What is it out there that is such thrust? What am I shakespgere now? The crooks n crannies see the light slightly, anglular rays piercing in the cracks from under. Birds. It’s always the same. And always different as well. Hungry for Hugs. The Huggy Monster lol. I have You Roxy. I am very lucky. It’s the luck of the Irish! Haha if only the beach was right outside, I’d never leave.  I like it here.  I can feel some kind of vibration hatching me out. Like I’m growing and birthing…. YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSASSSSSSSSSSSAAASASSSSASAZSZzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

So this guy..

Like w no shirt on, a bowl of whatever popcorn or chips, opens the door w his back while keeping eye contact with you as it …. 

I forgot what I was Gona say but I’m so glad ppl are fucking

Eruptions! Erupts! Erupto! WTF the thing doesn’t even let me write it!!! Meng ya que pasa contigo border..

No I don’t watch sumo. Yes I can watch sumo. Do I want to? No. But I’m happpyyy it exists! It’s culture, it’s interesting, I don’t get it so pls teach me. Anddedeeddddddd

Photoshop!

Wow I just poisoned the prayer w the word Photoshop I think. 

Echo

Is what I meant, it’s a sound, it’s a projection that multiplies to infinity. Dots do. So if dots don’t move they are solid but each a dot moving through is a ripple. Ripples of symmetry in layers and cutting through air cake !!!!  Lassoued by a cowgirl on her horse-xcuseme… coming through… battling acrobats… what just happened? I feel fine though. I feel better by the day actually. I feel like I’m gonna have to do more arent I? I will do my Best. May all the heavens and even non heavens Rest In Peace. 

Amén.

She’s back lol

I told u I’m nocturnal and the owl is one of my spirit animals, can u handle it? Lol did t think so! Me neither actually. The other is def a camel, possibly a Butterfly (that’s my good omen sign) I listen to the signs… I stop and read what 555 means bc it’s not all in my head like I’m not that good yet… but it’s getting there. I’m just into what I’m into and your you and into whatever that is and I want to know some things but my time here is limited so I don’t want to know everything. I don’t blame you for thinking the same about what I’m choosing to rant about… it’s just my own therapeutic journey… it doesn’t have to be public but we r so over saturated w things to read and do… this isn’t something everyone has to read at all. It’s supposed to get better at that tho I guess… is that right? Ok so…  here goes the twist…

“TAMARA, you are my beloved daughter, I love you” said God.

I believe we are Gods, if we are the sons and daughters we are also the new Gods to experience life and eventually grow up to take reigns by noticing the power of our words, thoughts & desires. Do we know what our greatest desire/desires are? It’s not that easy. You know you feel meant for more yet you don’t step into it completely, you know yet shy away from the fullness of your entire being. You have your moments. You are cheating w what isn’t really you. You forgot how hard it is to be your clear authentic self and you hide behind the masks of comfort only to numb thy self from the power of your healing light only to dim yourself in the end bc your not as big yet you hide behind a curtain til it’s too late to even come out at all and then blame it on the show being missed and scurry off without even saying bye hoping nobody will notice LOL. Not a good Look TAMBO! Lol. I will write a private forgiveness letter to God… he knows it’s coming… he understands, he forgives me… it’s about forgiving myself and about the love that has no where to go sometimes… it starts to become a universe inside of me… our bodies are entire universes for sure. The sacred geometry shapes there are repeated into broken down divisions and fractions and it’s percentile of linear line isn’t even there…. It’s that infinite… it’s everything in everyway so maybe it’s doesn’t matter so much what I say but what I mean and what I feel like to be around… so before I knew this I would be pouring our sort of negativity bc it didn’t know where to go… and then reading back at things I notice that it’s not just the reader it’s also the FEEDER… and how I’m releasing my ways has a flourishing phenomena… you know like wicked spell purpose… onimotapoiea ah 

Ahhh

Gah

Wah

Jah

Ra

I better be good for something 🧲

Digging for… Gold…✨

The last sip-per…

I’m lying on my yoga mat before the sunrises knowing how much love I have for both the sun and the moon and which I think I am more like or which I aim to be more like or which I’d like to see more of or any comparison to question to know where I stand and how lovely it is and honestly I don’t even question it. If it’s true I’m supposed to be asleep at night and awake in the day I just really like to stay awake talking while watching the stars, catching them shoot across the sky… or a fire burn in the night, it’s warmth gives me feelings of hope, incredible power, ancient wisdom, nature as something to respect, I don’t need to take Ayawaska to get that. I feel my ancestors and all of our higher powers and the magnitude of intelligence that finally I can assure you we shouldn’t fear, we are watched, guided and cared for when we need it. Creepy are our thoughts, not their love. We must deliberately ask for more guidance, show more respect, remember they are who come before us, I also forget these things. I came to write again, to discuss a silly thought, the love and care I crave now questionable cuz then I won’t be as able to be my crazefree self… I’d have new eyes on me caring to watch me do these rarities and then I ask why I don’t belong? It’s bc I guess I wanted this, I painted this picture, I manifested the dream through some kind of intention and even if u want more than one thing u end up somewhere… it’s my wild guess. I appreciate being here, exactly where I am, only thing is missing is you to hold and be held by. That would mean I’d have less time to write here, I’d be more present, the moment, connection. I took a year off writing one time, just saying… it is a long time but also something i missed. I’ve tried lots of diff things but some things do stay the same, don’t they. I couldn’t have a baby now, I don’t even have a guy… I have a dog, I have a business to attend to, I have relationship issues. I don’t go to a therapist. I don’t take meds. I deal. Life is about teamwork, about sharing moments w ppl u love and love u back. Life is no fun alone, socially distanced, or wearing a mask. Life is a lie if it is. Life is not supposed to be like this and this is not life. Kids and even dogs r seeing owners/parents holding a phone all day long. I can’t be a part of this and yet I am. We know it and we just are… we can’t not be. Everything is made of plastic! I don’t know what to eat anymore. Silly things hyped up to be so expensive and then it don’t match up to what we can afford. They r selling us fake crap or temp shit or even what’s cheap is so cheap but the pollution isn’t being acounted for. While turnin a blind eye we see time fly by… we make time to avoid, to get high and to play w puppets while missing the point and losing sight of the goals and over all direction. We all know this now. We are human and want to find pleasure, with enough money we can do that but also it’s got to be found for free. Not through drugs or even marathons but through more of what’s simple in life before the cement. The great pleasures shared for those with nothing. That it is limitless w solar, wind… why deprive and punish ONLY, so much? I always pretty much say the same thing… yes, a better world. A better world. 

Shape up Wake up Whatever…

I dont wana “wake up”, (Had this in my notes and it’s Gona go here, somethings I write in other secret places. I write in my notes and I do still write on paper FYI)( Ps again, this is old. )

But i feel like a drink.

I said i wouldnt drink for June but that didnt pan out. I wanted to but then i knew it would be hard cuz life can get tough and you opt for a drink to or i did.

I came home wayyy too late again, my parents must think im crazy. I did come home late, my life isnt structured enough. Idk who to blame but myself but i feel like taking a big ass shot of vodka or turning the alarm off to grab a beer, an IPA which i dont even like. Usually when i want this, i dont do it but i might this time. Im just being honest. Doesnt pay to be honest. I was at a friends in the SW area and i think i even have my destination shit visible. Thats how much im like “here i am, so what?” Lol if i was up so something worse i wouldnt have that. So, im home finally, hoping my parents wont be pissed or know how late i got here and and so many other things i dont even wana talk. I feel fine, just wondering if im a freak or simply still on LA time.

Baby Pink Airplane FLY FLY FLY

Dude wow but why do even GUYS feel the need to partner up? Like if I’m ok w not… imagine… this could actually be another pandemic ;) 

Ok Bc if things were too perfect, they’d be too perfect right? ???

I think so too.

Palindrome, palm tree, air, breathe, thank God I don’t have to sell my soul. 

What is going on?

Like the paper airplane once launched is going to fall down… 

 Paper plane tie dye baby pink pls

The brain exercises were shared w me. To make me a better athlete, student …  to play a video game w my brain… it’s the start of the future! Who gets to do that? Thank u. But why? My mom is so hung up on vaccines right now, I don’t get why she was convinced to do this other thing. I just don’t get it. As much as I want to understand 

Mean it Go Green it ?

Ok so, what happened? I forgot exactly if you could remind me… it’s making me crave something and then I want the other thing and that’s how we balance… u know? So we are in a reality game instead of a virtual one… instead of the biz game, the art game, the food game, we have this very important game we call LIFE. We are all players playing in it… you might be player #1 and somewhere in your life are all these other players… and they all think they are player #1 right? So they are ultimately in it for themselves. And all these other things come into play to affect them. Idk what kind of GAME it is when I’m not in the game… but I only have my view of the game and things in my game change when I make different decisions and hang w diff “players”  like it could make a nitty gritty city look like paradise etc. it could look like rose colored lenses are suddenly an option, or treasure and opportunities pop out of the wood works… it’s prob not one sided either… there would be sooo many diff kinds of WORLDS we could see by just exploring the chances of this “REAL virtual Game” that coincide w who we really are and what we have to offer that we would/could date ppl in a dream like our FAKE PRETEND PERSONA could date for us while we are busy doing the real deal stuff,,,, Na mean? 

Go Green, don’t be mean, I would only be mean to the ppl that needed it … hahaha 

I’m such a bitch sometimes! ;) 

NOT!

Xoxoxo

TAMS