Always

SO MANY WAYS TO GO ABOUT IT! 

WHEN I SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING IN DESIGN I FEEL AT HOME THERE... 

IT TELLS ME TO KEEP GOING... SOMEHOW I’M ALIGNED.

THE AMAZING THINGS WE DO AND YET WHO EXACTLY SHOULD WE CREDIT? THE INFO OF A PHOTO/VIDEO WHEN TAKEN, BELONG TO BOTH THE ARTIST OF THE PIECE AND PHOTOG. AGREEMENT BETWEEN THEM TWO. THAT’S HOW OWNERSHIP CAN EVEN MEAN A THING. WHAT R THEY EVEN TRYING TO DO ANYWAY? IT’S ALL ALREADY THERE. 

Simply challenging the idea of NFT’s into something more productive. Like hashtags do when ppl tag correctly but if a photo in a location of something could belong to that artist or venue so that they can have it too if they wanted to use it, like a bank of images and when used as we do for all other images, we pay to use it, but it could be from anybody but all of the images taken u get access to bc it’s yours that they are photographing. It’s bc we need content and if we r to use we could use somebody’s image, so it encourages photography (perhaps too much of it actually.) 

Time Machine. Could help more than not but where r all these pictures going? I think they are losing resolution. Could it be? That’s stealing truth lol. Am I egotistical to be caught up in one of my thoughts? Thinking it’s my thought. But we r not our thoughts?

I’m learning. I saw that it truly is perfection. It is utter beauty every part. The fat roll has a story of love, the pain, letting go, the things are necessary for the energy to be what it is. To take us to the next place… the floating palace we r on is quite magestic. 

I hope your kidding! Stopit xo

Entering a new unknown, a magnificent place. What’s the difference of magnificent and magical? Wow we could have even more words. If each word was a world and all it’s synnonyms in it. What the antonym would be, maybe then desirable. 

Moving into a diff bedroom in my house isn’t going to change things. But what it will change is the sun will rise there. It will get warm there in the morning and the sun will crack through the windows to wake me up earlier and I put myself through things not only bc they r painfully great but bc they are necessary. Change is the creation and I have the free will to do it, to myself! I am my own other pet. I am my own parent and my own child and my own victim that needs what I will, from now on decide. Bc I won’t allow it to come from exterior sources. Now u can’t complain, Tammy. Btw I’ve done this several times to myself. I’m not a masochist even tho it’s there to think about. I am too fucking nice to strangers and I’m over my own complaining. I’m NOT emo. Your a fucking emo! Watch me go from sensitive soul to soulless bulletproof who knows what lol. I’m not bipolar. I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody. It’s called PMS. And it’s also pissed off. It’s also just funny maybe and middle fucking fingers up in the air but I’m not even that mad at u or life and I know that’s not how to solve anything. LOL. So what is it? I’ve been trying to figure it out for a time and it’s bc I “lost my mind” they wana say… it’s not true. I love my mind, it’s sharp, it’s exercised like a muscle, it’s hard to shut up when I want to say something… I’ve gotten myself into trouble even recently and heard that I’m not a good listener. I don’t believe it whole heartedly bc I know I am also a good listener and I remember how I was such a dumbass and made a mistake. Dammit Tammy. It’s a really expensive mistake these days. It can be 10k or 20k whatever but damn do I have to get moving on my “art” if I want to survive and afford mistakes on top of it. It’s funny how what I can do is …. Just I don’t want to think of it’s value anymore…. I think what I really want to do is invaluable. It’s LIFE! Lovingly Live Life now has to just happen by ppl who aren’t concerned w the other part. And then there u have it, good real ppl… like me supposedly… til u cross me lol. Then u better stay away. I don’t wana do Karate on your head. I don’t want to hurt ppl. I don’t want to learn to. I rather not know. I know that my goodness and my higher poemwers lol powers will protect me from the evil spirits. Also bc I’m close w them, we tight. And I don’t need a gun. I don’t need the things that bring danger to my home. They have a wrong energy. Not of peace. Not of love. I agree that Americans should have the freedom to have a weapon if they feel called to. Bc I don’t trust the government to be the only ones to. The police are not our friends. I am from a diff era. But pls protect me. I have also thought of being a cop, did I tell u? Prob not. Maybe tho. It’s true. I actually mean it. It’s corrupt. And they don’t like that word once I said it. I am protected sometimes, and other times u can get mixed up in the wrong crowd. Wrong place wrong time. Sucks. Sucks the money. It’s as much as a Cartier bracelet. When it’s locked on your wrist u can now think about the equivalent value of it. U might as well lock it on so good they can’t get it off even for “there” and engrave your lawyers phone # on it. I wonder if they would cut it off. I don’t think so but idk. 

A wave of good…

The writing hasn’t been too inspired and even tho I have much better things to share it’s not the easiest to explain. I realize the difficulties I was just having are bc it’s part of the transition. I forgot that the struggles are what leads us to better things. New friendships that are more aligned to the next level me I’m aiming for and molding into. So now I’m ok w the difficulties I had, I can accept them and be grateful for them. I owe so much of my grounding and love to my little dog who just being beside me heals me, keeps me company and her warmth and her patience are so important to me especially during these times. I really want to let God in and cure all my past karmic issues that are holding me back. Any pain I’ve ever caused anybody consciously or unconsciously. All the moments and opportunities I could have done better somehow to be forgiven and like lift me off and out of any spells, evil eye ties, misunderstandings or mistakes. I wish more for myself as the equal citizen of this planet, that I learn the best way to harness my energy, treat others with utmost respect, be seen for the light I am and to find ways to contribute more, volunteer more, & act more leader-like in my best way possible. That my path be guided with that of least restriction. That my humanitarian nature be what defines me and not for my ego but for the greatest good of all. Ways to save the planet show up more for us. That I can move into being truly responsible for myself and that of others. To reach another level of joy that is based off long term goals instead of instant gratification. That the over achiever in me can back down and be content with what’s simple. That my idea for myself be rebooted and rest assured given new life, to trust the Universal plan and see the spread of what’s positive spread faster than a pandemic! A pandemic of love! Like a wild fire but soft smiles and twinkling  eyes, pure & honest. 

🌷

I’ve been talking as if nothing. As if it’s this easy peasy Japonesy… lies! It’s so twisted, uncomfortable and difficult to be in what they expect of us for todays “reality” I’m lying when I say I can handle it. Bc I don’t get it at all and I’m good at just being a person surviving but the human is not being. It is always trying to catch up. I have lots to do, lots to face, lots to improve on. I can try all I can, w all my might and still I just don’t think it’s my kind of world to keep up with. I think we have to listen to other views, new perspectives, and expand our design system. Meta verse is just one bubble to look at. It’s not the only one. We have to think of the competition. The ones who want to remain Real. They interest me. Time spent or time wasted and value, what is it worth? Is it even healthy life perspective? Or just a marketing gimmick. Let’s not lose sight of what’s important, of what a healthy human needs to do to be balanced. That these things deprive us of our time playing, exercising in the sun and making food and having conversations w our children. I believe our lifetime is BEST yet to come think of. So start to now. Plan ahead. Don’t be an asshole like think about it. 🎆 Happy New Year 2022! 

Forever

I have to write, don’t even know what to say everytime I come here I just know I do this. Some book said I should write 3 free handwriting pages every morning and that’s a lot. Most times it’s not as long but they also say to never read it, that it’s probably rubbish. I might have to agree but some of it isn’t too bad. I can write bc I write so if I am inspired it should have a nice little twist but it’s mostly free writing and in strange times while I’m in bed and most probably alone or at my desk too but just feeling like I need to express myself and so here I am again. Hoping not to let myself down again I’m feeling so much love for myself bc u have to anyway, it serves us well to do it. It’s seeing u and accepting it. Seems like it’s easy but I don’t look beautiful in every angle lol I have 3 chins, a rounded bumped nose from when I was a baby I fell, I have thin not very full lips from injecting water into them I think it stretched the skin out but the lips done make me look like a duck. Doesn’t work for me. I have a permanent stai in one eye, and slightly rough skin w lots of freckles! Somehow I pull it off but it’s an attitude. I have a lot of Sass. It comes off as bitchy and rude sometimes but I’m sorta joking, it’s a tone. I want to be real and I don’t have a good poker face it’s all right there! Why is it? I’m growing up guys, I’m toning it down major and I don’t even wana go out NYE. I can’t carry all this shit anymore! Should I just break free? It’s all so unknown and mysterious, the things that make me happy are truly design and dancing… and a few others maybe but I’m worried I won’t have a baby. I need to be chosen wtf. Or not fine! But I need to stay happy put it that way. I’m not normal, I’m really good at this weird shit that I need to make happen bc every other girl in this town is selling their bodies it feels like and I’m not sure that’s my Avenue… I told u what I look like and I’m a weirdo! I love it lol. Ok so anyway boring convo w myself… over and over again lol. I need these man hands that idk where they are but I need them and they are strong. They know how to love me and reach for me and our bodies mold like spoons and I want to love his smell and his smile and he’s going to be groomed and funny and super intelligent and idk how or when this will happen but I’m trying to manifest it. Manifest for a man lol why haven’t I done this enough? I’m not easy, I’m overly critical, I can be. I think I can change the patterns. They are quite engrained in me these patterns from my parents and I’m worried about those a bit but becoming aware of them is the first step & so I’m doing that. I can’t live in fear any longer, in sadness or negativity I just can’t and I don’t care if I’m alone at least if I’m in good company w myself creating and dancing I’m happy. I love being alone actually. I don’t have to deal! It’s the closest thing to freedom but I want a family, I have my own babies and I want to get married even if it’s not in court but just a declaration of love! I do! I can’t do it alone. I fucking suck lol. I am here to win babe what the fuck! I love it, the ups and downs and twists and turns it’s never a dull moment and if it is God Bless it, for it’s a transition. I love you Roxy! I love the air from the fan slightly moving and the soft pillows and my silly thoughts I’m trying to tame. The light, the dark, the kaleidoscope! Sleep too I need more sleep. I love u angels. Sometimes I feel like a female Jesus. Pray for us all! The ones w COVID and let the animals be free please!!!! Stop slaughtering them and keeping them in cages I beg you. I love u cows and pigs… I want to play w u. Join me in making heaven here. It could be so fantastic, I can see it and I can feel it. Thank You Lord! 🙏🏼💝

Hands Together 🙏🏼

Feeling infinitely prepared for the dreams about to be caught and wishes heard through prayer and whisper and even tho mistakes can happen I know that the good will outweigh the bad by mountains of angels to our rescue. Hopeful, kind, spiritually in tune and more than ever peaceful, positive and prepared. My internal changes are like a well w a pulley, and able to fly through the forgiveness, love and of course lots of strength. I’m also mad at myself for the mistakes I’ve shown, but I’m a learning human being who wants to be the best. It’s really tough and it is for all of the journeys. Guidance and love is the best medicine, a power we need to feel more of and never allow a single soul to lack. So reach out to who may be lonely. Love w your only medicine and befriend a stranger that you forgot you knew. They ppl right at your side are who you should meet. There is no coincidence. Try trusting. Stay happy for the greater vibe, for the good. Worry is a taste test you didn’t like so move on so quickly so that you can find where is your fav. Don’t do what I did, always train yourself to see the bright side and to honestly have respect. Find what you love and follow it. All is a miracle, save your soul from what dims your light. Feed it w good choices and thoughts. I’ve opened the door to forgiveness but haven’t found the key to love. Gods plan. Trust. Appreciate all that is. Divine timing is part of the math. Prayers…

Thankfull

I’m profoundly thankful like a bottomless well or something. Cheerful. Gleeful. I am dancing through life making others feel good as much as I can and every now and then I find myself on low energy unable to give as much of my over flow Bc I can get depleted and I can be tired but not want to sleep,,, like now lol. It’s 3am and I am in bed but I’m reading a book and it’s really good, my 3rd book in a month and this one is going to be a long one so it’s going to take time but I’m already inspired and excited by it. It speaks to me. For me a big thing is the writing and of course the topic. So I’m learning. And the channeling is something that might happen to me when I write and this writer for “The Artists Way” is speaking my language. I feel as though I’m growing into myself quite nicely and I like the majority of my choices. I have faith that I should just keep going Bc there is so much I want to do and I just have to do whatever makes me happy and what makes most sense to me and let God do his thing through me. I’m trying to get a lil out of the way of that. You have to really think sometimes but you also feel and you also have to really LOVE and that happiness and inspiration that comes of it that makes you glow is where it’s at. This book I was reading that I have JUST started said that. I want to travel and I want to love someone. I want to keep feeding my soul. I like spirituality and things and colors and people! I actually love ppl even tho boy do they let me down! Lol. I don’t care, let them do what they wana do! I’m totally fine. I’m thick skinned, I am also a happy alone type of person but I’m just saying I do feel like that is what’s missing. I recently met someone who I get a long w really well and stuff but isn’t “the guy” I want to get into a relationship with. I am just glad that there are ppl who I can get a long w so well that life feels effortless and that they make me feel good! That’s really important. Then I also ready that your soul mate will be a pain in your ass somewhere else LOL  

So am I everyone else’s soul mate? Jk. 

Anyway, I want to dance more. I like to dress up too. I just wana go places a lil and then also be home to read my books and do my home body time, I need to! I’m a introvert/extrovert. And I need to go innnn and create! I can’t just be out dancing every fucking night okay. I need to fucking balance and I am but it’s like so easy to unbalance this space ship! TAMBOLANDIA LOL 

So Run, sun, juice, personal care, nourish, read, love, connect, my dog, the planning, the goals, the lists, the calendar, the people, the moon, the downloads, the business, the growth, the progress, and the flow my dear. Don’t forget to keep dreaming! And the dreams will come true, they always do. THANK YOU.