Learning

I I I I I... dont want to talk about myself as much anymore,,, Cairo is making me wana mummify myself into a past... took my insides out already, they are laying on the counter beside my torso... all the precious jewels will go with me into the next life after I am gently wrapped up tightly... they created a tomb where my body will rest inside of, finally a chance to rest that chaotic brain of mine... those sore limbs to rest... ive beat myself up in every single way possible.

The peace comes from within... my heart will sit in a jar next to one with my intestines... and my name and address and a short story... perhaps a simple symbol which envelopes it all. Nothing much to me right now... just a code for "others".

I wish it wasnt told so simply... I dont want everything I am to be told in a squiggle with a line through it... bc details are what moves me.

I am looking for something in these days... im trying to figure out what EXACTLY makes me tick... why i get upset , what upsets me , what is that moment that makes things change for me..

(PICTURE THIS- a beautiful woman with a swimmers cap and a 1960's one-piece bathing suit slowly gets into a clean swimming pool and swims a peaceful breast-stroke across the length of its rectangular shape... shes graceful... she swims by a dead dead body and pretends not to notice and turns around and pushes off on her way back towards the other side to pass the body again,,, the "dead body" is alive... wide eyed... maybe he didnt want to be noticed.)

Dont Push me.
Decide.
Dont wait for me, go.
Dont ask me THAT.
Dont say THAT like THAT.
Dont u understand?

Dont wana be like that.

Dont want to lie.

-T-

Thats what Ive figured out in a few days, filled with lots of special moments.

Who whooo the fuck is Jack Herer?? LOL

"he's alive, he's holding his breath"