Alchemize...

 This journaling exercise helped me realize some things and I wanted to re-write it here. 

I was asked to recall an incident that got me mad and that morning just before then I was quite frustrated by an incident I had to wait over an hour to be seen and was going to be late to my next appmt. I had to put my foot down and stand up for myself bc this was not right for me and I said I would have to come back. Well, I was given ultimatums and fear mongering and still left bc I knew I was doing the best for me not to mess up my next meeting. I was somehow able to get the meeting on zoom and go back to wait for the appt. I chose this incident bc it just happened to do the exercise. I am leaving some details out bc it is private and unnecessary to share. 

When thinking back at this once it was in the past I was first proud to have dealt with it by standing up to myself and my boundaries and my sense of self respect. I made a huge effort to be on time for my zoom meeting and I did the best I could given the time was overlapping. I was originally there at 9:22am and my zoom call was at 11am! I thought I had plenty of time so next Monday I have to be there earlier, Id say 9am. 

I felt good that I was able to go back to my house and having done all that could eat lunch at home w my Costco purchases from the day before. I felt confident, strong and grateful. I knew those fear tactics were wrong.  I was happy to be free, past that difficulty, that I was 100% sober and clean and doing everything to my best capacity. What more could I or anybody else want from me?!

Then I thought deeper into it and realized that the reason why I was 100% sober then was bc I had to be for Probation That was a BIG awareness,,, I might have not been if it wasn't being demanded of me. and then from there it turned into gratitude. I was grateful for my situation and the gift of making me a more aware and clean sober person for my dog, my parents, my community, my zoom meeting, for my path to a better version of me. I realized that was a huge thing to be grateful for. So from being "bothered" I alchemized it and realized how Grateful I am for all of what is happening right now and dunked it in sweet LOVE.