Be the change...

Im not laughing. Sometimes I laugh but Im not laughing anymore. I was late to stop the laugh. Im not going to be too worried because that doesn't get me anywhere,,, the dance of life is now like a stomping sevillana, a tango I wish but I don't have a partner so its not really sexy. Ive accepted where I am, I am where I am bc I chose to be here. I didn't settle. the rest of so many people I know did. Is that what it takes? Maybe! Its an "Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps" I guess so yea sure keep being positive and blind and oblivious and keep turning your head away at whats wrong and pretend that you can't do anything. Bc laughing is what you thin will save you somehow. Again, maybe. I don't know. Im not saying that I know.. Don't rate me as pessimistic, Im just alone bc Ive pushed everyone away. Im not that complicated or that difficult I just have a strong barrier from all the experiences, all the pain. Im not a needy person but then again, I take that back... I can't do it alone. We really are all connected but if we are all connected... where are my people? Why have I looked for my tribe for so long? Is it bc Im never gonna be satisfied? Is it bc Im like my Momma? or Is it... I don't think I will ever know! What makes u think a therapist can figure it out? Oh just to make me feel better maybe. Its just all so tough, such a manipulation, just so bent out of shape. We need serious guidance, don't you think we could all use more deep understanding of a better way>? and then its all opinion! We can't even agree! why? bc of personal interests and benefits so that again is not gonna work you guys. Why am I even complaining? Im happy most of the time! Im super privileged and thats not even fair and here I am complaining about it but I am bc Im a good person and I don't like the way it is my people are all struggling and if it wasn't for all this incredibly blessed situation I have that can end at any moment I am just the same as any other. I believe in myself and the power of us. I believe that I am a little different from others I guess but part of it in a good way and the other truth of me is super flawed. Im too emotional and through that I react and its spontaneous and passionate and I then push and go and then there I go... in solitude about my life, thinking thats a more comfortable way, my way, not having to deal w the pain and complications of others! Then I laugh! I have a fucking Ball! I go go go and then I end up eventually running into something that isn't pleasant. bc Im alone I might run into trouble! bc nobody is w me to witness, to vouch for me, to anything,,, its more than that. I now have a brand its called TAMBONITA... I made this brand to reinvent myself. All this typing away and expressing myself and all the things I have done I needed something to channel my creative energy. I knew I had it in me to do something. This business that I started from scratch from a simple idea that I expanded was something that I chose bc I had to choose something out of my millions of ideas and I knew I couldn't just stay a "full of ideas person" forever... I had to make one of them HAPPEN! It was a lot of different powerful desires in me brewing to do this and for sure some back up but that came later. I wasn't given this on a silver platter my friends. I also had to put a few middle fingers up to some best friends. Sorry, why not be sorry if I am? Im sorry. I had to go my way but that doesn't mean Im not sorry about what happened w some things in my past. Its what you do when you apologize, you say your sorry and that to me IS STRONG. So sorry Rhianna I love you but Sorry is cool to say when you fucking want to clear the air w the past. Sorry Anna Winter, Sorry IS what you say when you were a bitch to your interns and people who slaved for you. And yessss I have a lil Ana Winter in me too. I expect certain things from people and I get mad when I should! Its just a human reaction nd then we should apologize for those types of things and for the many mistakes that can happen! Thats a sign of compassion dammit! What is wrong with you people? Jesus! Why make it weird to apologize? Pathetic choice guys. I disagree SORRY.

Lost track...

It doesn't matter, but it does.

When things are going wrong, as soon as we find out we need to change it to the BEST thing and so we need to apologize and move into a better and there we go. Apology is strength not weakness. mistakes are part of life but why wait? And why the Ego? why hide the truth? why milk the evil bc its more comfortable than changing and admitting sooner and moving into the future we all can agree on?

Maybe bc ppl will realize this that Im saying once Im old. Bc my own father is almost 80 yrs old and yours will be soon too and Instagram is taking precious moments away from you and him. That its so hard to put our phones down that we now pay people to be on their phones for us to do the social media for us. bc we don't have 8 arms like that goddess does. bc We all are living in a world that is literally set up for Durga. Durga isn't a good name thats why nobody daughter is named Durga. Maybe Shakti but thats too yoga-y.

You know its too many apps, too many emails, too many platforms, we always complained about this actually... our example was cereal for breakfast! look at the amount of things we have, I had this one idea once that was like a judge show where we took all the same product things and literally rated them and then EDITED some out, it would have too much controversy bc this is America but at least to make it on the chart when you have 50 wine openers that cost $2 we can def join some companies up and edit some shit out and make the ones who make it stronger or something... its like a clean up, improvement of sorts lol. call me crazy! I think it would be good as long as it has its rules that it can't get corrupt. you can't take the freaking guy to dinner to get more in on this,,, but u know,,, we are fucking corrupt judgmental fools what can I say. Idk. I still like the idea. It can be a for the people by the people and it can be like American Idol ... the positive idea is just the product research and comparisons and really, how to make America Great Again! ;) Oh wait, we don't make anything, thats right. jk.

I love the abundance and options bc then everyone would be wearing the same thing for example. But its also a marketing alphabet to be able to research things in a fair organized way. The internet or A INTERNET or a website could help w that. It would have diff ways to search, type in the product and by price, by color, by ratings... idk, u tell me... it would be there. and instead of letting companies die or go out of biz, could we be able to join them? can we show them the benefits of that and what each company might be looking for on a cool and clear company profile.... so people on Linked in can be linked to the potenti8al jobs that are so clearly there for all to see.

Maybe thats not Globalization? or is it? its not supposed to become a problem so before it even happens all the assumptions are good to speak out and share they will guide it for prevention of failure. =Its up to us, as with everything. It would be our fault if it didn't work, it would be bc we didn't want it to, we we didn't like the platform, bc we have our beliefs and or bc once somebody cheats the system we would disprove. Well, we have to have something, its like better than a magazine its almost like an Amazon... you decide what you want to consume. Do you want the cheap one thats made inChina bc it doesn't matter to u? or maybe your affluent and get the auto cork screw Sharper Image one. Or maybe you saved up to get that one and you got it for xmas bc you were selective about it and like its 10 year warranty!!! OK cool! BUT we only need 1-3 of those, my mind tells me that the difference of the same shit of that would be that one company is Mom n Pop, the other fuckin bla bla bla and the other some other shit. bc ppl r weird and maybe even Aquarius... I might go for the third company bc they are the under dog. lol

its 2am and I wish I had a bathtub, I have a shower. I love u guys. It will be ok. I hope so anyway. Don't worry be happy. but Be careful who you vote for hahhahahahahahhaa... xoxoxoxo

Pressure on me to write well. My heart pulses powerful. Words so limiting and im not sure how much more is left of the wrong we have created. Its moving into a new dimension of next level understanding. Its never gona be easy so whats better? Advice is power. Im aware of the struggle, its something to come back to... im rusty

ready to play!

Wondering why ppl don't make origami out of tin foil.

Inspired by casting things in silver...

Like a crumpled up ball of paper to a silver castes tassle, it's probably been done. My friend casted the letters in alphabet soup... I keep thinking of what else would be cool to cast. I've come up with casting the ribbon used for wrapping gifts that we make twirly w scissors, it's more organic and fun than the slinky spiral wire and fake eyelashes. I would prefer to put them to some sort of use like for filing your mail or something. So many things we have and so many things we can do so its so much to be creative with. Like casting a penny in silver and a dime in copper, would they still hold their value? Would it just confuse? Would it not then be allowed as currency? I've already accepted the fact that I'm some sort of artist bc this is what I like to do and think of. I skim magazines and get lots of ideas. Ideaz, I Diaz. What else are tooth brush bristles used for? Do they come from the same damn factory? It can have tons of uses if we care to use it. The amount of bristles and filaments and natural ones and synthetic ones and do we have a book that explains them all? A flossing session like the way we sit back and have our eyebrows plucked lol.

I wana make tambonita bags out of wires the electrical ones recycled. If I could flatten them into ribbon and maybe even stretch them to change their structure. 

By stacking chain accordion zig zag like we could cut time for production but that's a diff weave which doesn't bind them together.

What The World Needs Now...#LOVE #mood

BLAIR THIS SO THE NEIGHBORS HEAR! Trust me... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TopFgQ65CBw

Being early is not being on time.

Your not the only one who needs an update

Why don't updates happen on their own?

I guess that wouldn't be a date then would it

I didn't question it

It's the platform we are pouring our hearts and souls to and how the freedom we desire is pixelated

Warped in a fog we are trying to mold the perfect future with thousands of hands they don't know better so the new ones squash it to just get a feel and the rest of us have to allow them to and watch the masterpiece constantly morph in a rhythmic backwards and forewords 

We later allow

Where am I now in all of this?

Are many of us just taking a backseat?

Seeing the grand performance 

With no move your surely safe

Needing more leaders, I've tried to be one..

My voice camouflaged in the ohm

No ending is near I just need to find someone. But how if i don't see, and how if I set sail without looking back I'm a love in the wind.

I'll Be Back...