Lions Gate…

Portal… it’s today and so makes a lot of sense all that sleeping I needed etc. 

Check my temp

With so much to say but better not to say it. I’m not a young thing anymore I guess, I thought I could still get in but I mean they r just doin their job lol. I didn’t take care of myself enough today… I do more often than not. I wish u were here, it’s kinda late, I should get some sleep. Being of service… humankind, even as a ghost, like just being of service as close to full potential as possible, it’s what we should aim for bc it’s being useful, being unlesfish, doing what is needed from us and somehow if we knew what we were doing the better, what’s now offered is maybe not even financial but if it is it’s better. When things are needed of u it’s prob just not the …. Your business. For me it’s like an angel off the charts good deed. I guess I have to care to organize my value better. I know, I realize that.  I was talking a lot lot lot like I might as well own a parking lot. Just saying… I wanted to come back here and say that… I sorta wish I would shut the f up already and realize how I should always be shining and healthy and as great as I can be… so what happened was I lost my phone in my house and for sooo long I could not find it! It screamed Loca. I was so upset tho! I was like losing hope. Then I found it on the washing machine! Ugh. Can u believe it? So that’s my excuse… for getting extra weird bc I’m like that… I try so hard and then I fail maybe but it’s bc sometimes I outsmart myself. I think I might have the world record for losing my passport for example and then guess what… it’s exactly in the best place ever I just forgot to look there.. what do u call that? It’s just “not there yet” kinda stuff and she is good, organized, but she’s not that great at normal things but bc she’s sooo good she’s actually too good for her own damn self which is the same as how she lives in the moment… whatever it is… dude… she’s not selfish enough. Comes down to that. Comes down to responsibility… but in the end she just ends up suffering more bc she doesn’t want to be firm enough w her self, her life, she’s in the moment giving of herself and she’s too nice. It’s just a flawed person but maybe not, idk. It’s important that I get more serious w myself and my time. I have a headache. I’m not doing so good but then I am and then I’m not… I’m seriously sick of it. I don’t want to admit it but I have to. I just really think we can do better. I do, I fall, I am not feeling well guys, nobody’s fault but mine. I wish I was more normal I think but here is the struggle.. if I pass out now I won’t even realize I miss a person, a body, an actual warmth and imagine … it’s cuz I’m cold or something I don’t want what I don’t want lol I want … I want it all or nothing, I think. Super miss u love u and 

Nothing never mind.

In a Tetris Maze

Absorbent, reflective, autonomous, promiscuous, concerned, cul-de-sac, judge mental, heavy, frou-frou!, feather. Boa constrictor, Burlesque, bow tie, tuxedo, irritable, mustache, chartreuse, pungent, lift off, pigment, milk the goats, whales, wheels, why not. 

Symmetrical, anonymous, loving, caring, the train, signature, just words, mesh, veils, turnips, trumpets, 

Exhausted and miss u! Bumper cars for the streets. Twirl Angel hair w a fork in a spoon. That’s how it’s done. 

Momentum

Why is my breathing deeper than most? Lmao wait, stop, I can’t even do this.  my big deep breathe and even hold it while somebody barely even breathes… what is wrong w ppl? even when I ask them to breathe w me… they do but they didn’t go there… DOES IT MATTER?

 I heard somewhere that when I truly LOVE I will stop asking why… maybe bc I won’t care to know why anymore. So fucking pissed.

Syllables. Sounds, what if they mean different things? Bc they do so much. Energy, meaning, not only energy but the manifestations are tied to visualizations. Dude, I’m sorry,,, did I not already say that? What is fucking wrong w ppl tho? Ugh it’s so hard to express… I want to be a walking prayer, a better understanding of the past, I am to outgrow the old and do the new but by having my own opinion. 

My dog Roxy is so sweet and amazing. Since she was little I have been preparing myself for the reality that nothing lasts forever, hate to say it. Why do some things seem so real and far fetched? Like a baby out of my vagina is just unreal now. Cuz it’s not a clear thing. I feel like a little bit of a waste of a person if I don’t get to be a mom… 

Whatever it is, it’s my love… w no place to go! 

So funny right? I can’t breathe

The Vibration of Love…

Please read … 

I pulled the Buffalo card…

I love that it said…“that abundance is present in your life when ALL relations are honored as sacred”.

I needed to hear that.  

I have 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/archangeloracle.com/2017/05/17/buffalo/amp/

Then we also pulled Deer… 

“Love is the key.

Be willing to find things to love about yourself and others. Your demons will melt away. Your fears cannot exist in the same place that love and gentleness abide.

Stop pushing so hard to get others to change. Change comes from within. Apply gentleness to your present situation, become like the summer breeze, gentle, warm, and caring. Moving over, through, and around the one’s you Love.

This is our lesson for solving our present dilemma. If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, the centering place of serenity, Great Spirit will guide you on the path.”

Chomper our deer friend!! Are you Listening. The T is silent. 

I have so much to learn and improve on. Thankful of these messages. So Thankful.

The Symbolic Meanings for Deer

Love

Grace

Peace

Beauty

Fertility

Humility

Swiftness

Regrowth

Creativity

Spirituality

Abundance

Benevolence

Watchfulness

It’s been said… any practice by which man sustains himself at the expense of other sentient beings, is considered wrong. Consider ALL non-human life to be Divine, as is human life.
So beautiful, 
http://www.shamanicjourney.com/deer-power-animal-symbol-of-gentleness-unconditional-love-and-kindness

Connecter Gadgetor

I need to slip into a good spot that is going to help me stop even thinking of the absurdities that are purely distractive and tempting me to waste my precious time. Truly wild to experience and I don’t even care… how does anybody own anything? How can patents be fair? How can the rights to music be true? Somebody owns “Happy Birthday”? So city now our Sin City, it’s translated into love… I have to stop… smell the Roses. 

Stop thinking it’s ok to kick ppl out like I do, even though they actually deserve it. What am I supposed to do? I am doing things but I need advice. I am not ok w the over all labeling, perspective of who I am so… only way is, be Sober. I actually need some alone time w some deep work that allows me to work through it. Which is what is happening now, but not really, not enough.. I have things to say but should I say them? I want to be close with somebody and story telling, or even there in silence by now.  

Maturity Rolling In…

Bc I’m working on it and it’s overall a different feeling. It’s not easier, it’s just how I am taking it all in. I’m single and even though I’m not lonely, I am still looking for my people LOL. Maybe they are all around me and I just can’t see them. Maybe I’m so far up my own ass that I am missing the ppl I’m supposed to be with. I get along w like everybody, I’m socially confident, love meeting new people, love conversations, I meet tons of ppl all the time but not often do things get much better than there. My mature self tells me there is more to it and where my life is at, my vibration and frequency is partially to blame. First of all, I may go out but im not easy to catch! I move! I connect briefly w many ppl. I might exchange information but im only trying to spread my HORIZONS, really not my legs w anyone yet. Some ppl really know how to have sex and I go back to them… im a mystery, nobody gets me, bc I do have secrets and I do keep my private life private. Haven’t you noticed? Do u reeeally think u got me figured out? Well, you don’t. Bc I don’t even! I haven’t been making the very best choices bc I’m supposed to be putting myself out there more, in the right places, and I am so strange, maybe I wasn’t really yet? I think I’m getting ready tho! I feel like I’m going to be a really amazing girlfriend for him and that he’s going to be absolutely amazing for me. I will take nothing less! This is my life! And I’m going to do it right! I want the real deal, either THAT or it’s a partnership agreement with somebody who feels like a trustworthy friend that I love their qualities and find attractive and want to have a baby with.  I will gladly be a mother if I can find the right guy to have babies with. I feel myself becoming so organized, so righteous, strong, ready, and more loving than I have ever been. I just don’t share my love with just anyone. After knowing how men are in this town it’s going to take a real effort to get in my personal love corner. I hope it happens and that it feels like magic. For now, I need to focus on expanding my art. Taking care of my body, home, dog, car, art studio warehouse, the Airbnb rentals, my grooming and pampering, my women moon gatherings, my diet, my training, my dance classes, home improvement… I want to add a deck and jacuzzi to the backyard. Get better at my emails LOL, create new shit and make money, my hair look pretty, my skin, my teeth, my nails, my shoes, my everything. So I have plenty to be focused on. Maybe I should start dating? I don’t want to get on those apps! I just want to live! And I want to get LUCKY 🍀 

So come on honey, come and find me!!!

Let’s show each other what life is all about! Let’s get deep with one another, let me give you all my LOVE, my attention, my touches and caresses, my kisses, my smiles, I want to dance with you and cuddle with you and whisper with you. Watch movies with you, have ideas with you, go for walks with you, cook for you, make everything better for you, laugh with youuuu, be there for u, be nice to you and naughty with you, I hope you exist! Haha Bc you do in my dreams at least and I’m not settling til I find you Love. Where are you?! Who are you? It’s time for me and you now… I’m waiting for you. 

Yours Truly