Can I ask you a question?

Not me. Makes me have crazy anxiety that one would ask. What possibly could it be? Why would I wana hear it and especially bc they asked it wasnt the Right time… I realized it may never be… that all is just information… I forgave them. I just rather … everything be right….

But the feeling was . They r testing me, it’s all… they all in it… everyone is in it! Even me. I’m not making it to the farmers market… I don’t have time to be pissed off at myself, or anyone else for that matter. Idk what I’m trying to say here but I’m hearing the sounds of the city and I miss Roxy Girl! She Better Knowww. The just only asked if “can I ask you a question” Lol.

I have secrets… 

I don’t say my things… I live like in a mystery, so mysterious that even the obvious would be in code. Oh I miss Roxy, Oh!

& no, You may not.

Ni lo digo…

Ni lo digo!

Ni Lo Digo.

La tipa que se llevó el collar, no coje el teléfono. Le gusta el collarrr. Es tonta. Todo es nuestro !!! Hasta cuando lo quieres? Sabes que es mío? Hasta que es verdaderamente tuyo! Tonta! Todo es de nosotros! Todo es alquilado! Todo es una tontería. Todo es una mierda hasta que lo necesites! Por eso se da…. Da lo, no lo rompas no es listo que me lo quites. It’s ours. It’s all ours in the end. Don’t be silly. It’s important to know how to share… Maria… 

Change of Plan…

It’s always a change of plan tho so I’m flexible. For me it’s like I try to go to sleep wanting to accomplish a whole lot and then all these things shuffle and move and adjust… I’m happy if half of it happens! It feels like… This is how it is ppl. 

So I’m getting adjoined to the rhythm… not mad… always was a tough situation mid day any city. I am not surprised, I feel like this one time… this one time being now lol… they r trying me lol … to see what ima do… I’m not surprised, I’m ready, I’m flexible, I’m smiling, I’m outside, I head the wind speaking… I’m supposed to keep track of Roxy but she’s so smart she’s human… she’s around the bend… 

Need more water lol. For myself mainly.

What water is for us… wow.

Terrible hot pink nails, didn’t mean to… just had to.

So I’m here to speak of this other thing… I never get to it…

I had a class… the class started Friday… it’s 3 days. I fail. I’m winning tho if u look at it this other way.. I’m free! 

The lavender lace panties and Royal blue bralette look good w the redic pink nail do. 

I would not wish this upon anybody but this is how I got my biggest Tattoo… once upon a time nobody knew I had this day off… I curated it… oh so nonchalantly… causing permanence to my body forever! Lol jahahaha it’s the way it had to go. For me. I love it…. I only advise u always get a tattoo by a great tattoo artist ONLY. ;)

Unheard of…

She’s ok… Roxy. We have seen a lot:.. but dogs don’t neet to travel much, they appreciate being with us. She’s extraordinary, really tho. My ears feel plugged… am I on a flying vessel? How would we know? Ommmm feeling it lol 😆 

A moving space shuttle but it’s loving tho lol 😆 

I’m … Weeee r moving ppl!!!! 

Watch out! We r moovinggg

Wow

Marvelous

Keeping close tabs w my agenda. The kind u write in and fill your days w duties, knocking off the to do’s one at a time, spreading them out to be a winner. I know I can do it. I am doing it. Order is so important and not over booking yourself. Having enough time for yourself, brings so much peace. I feel successful, wise, healthy, clear headed, generous, kind, abundant, not perfect but able to make good judgements for myself, witnessing the abundance. I got my period yesterday so now I know why I was feeling down. It’s a constant up and down flow for me and I guess not only me and maybe not just women? I mean women affect men… we can build them up and break em down, we don’t always know what we’re doing. We r emotional, flowing, moody things. We are pretty amazing but we r not men! We need men to be men so we can be more woman. We are all so amazing. Been reading about Enneagrams and it’s like another astrology form for personality types and understanding ourselves and how to reach others. It’s a lot of great information out there, I’m into it. 

I hope I can learn the good parts and be a better human for myself, my family & my community. So much potential to discover and use when advising and inspiring others. 

So Thankful,

Always,

TAM

“I feel for you…”

I have that song in my head here feeling for myself lol. Been getting wasted obviously and I’m so over it. I have a terrible shoulder pain that goes and comes back it’s like a part of me now… it’s not letting me sleep tonight. I keep stretching it myself, haven’t gone to yoga in ages, I’m good then I go a lil too far out and it’s happening now a lil more than ever. I tried to get a therapist, I guess I have to keep trying. I was up late doing some color research for the bags and to do some new stuff that I feel inspired by. Everything is such a process! I should have slept better tonight I even had Blue Lotus Tea that I bought for my father. It helps relax the muscles and dream etc opening 3rd eye etc. I wish there were monkeys on this tree out this window lol it’s a huge tree, perf for monkey swinging lol. Today was not a good day man, I mean it wasn’t terrible just really didn’t feel well, didn’t sleep enough and I’m living in pain. I just keep on truckin! I’ve been riding a lot of bike, went in the ocean day before yesterday, eating good super healthy the occasional zag and it’s just only the alcohol that’s poison to me and my brain 🧠. I do stupid shit and get obnoxious, I know bc I see the videos, I hear myself and I don’t drink all the time but recently I’ve just been on one thinking I want to get fucked up bc I can’t do it all the time so when I do it’s like I’m going harder. This truly is recent. I know how to handle my liquor but I REALLY don’t like how I get and it doesn’t stop bc the next day I need a drink etc and then the evening rolls in and I’m in the mood again. I’ve been slacking on my flow for MYSELF… I’m upset at how ppl handle things and then I choose to go balls to the wall and I don’t need anybody to do it with! That’s the other thing! It’s nobody’s fault but mine, I’m the no limit soldier. I mean it’s not even that much but it’s too much for me and I see that I’m more to myself, don’t even wana be w ppl, either at work or at my house pretty much. Dealing w shit and not dealing w shit. And I don’t even have that many distractions, they are from myself. I think I need a Reiki sesh w Grace and I should finish my Reiki studies too. I know what I have to do and I’m doing a lot but I have an anxiety like I have to write here to even feel better from the weirdness it’s like a pattern I’ve created. (Nobody reads this but everyone can,,, I act like I’m crazy but I’m really not… just nobody acts out like showing the crazy, nobody does that… so I’m not crazy I’m just letting u see my crazy but I’m more not crazy than crazy actually, in case u were wondering bc I can pretty much HEAR your thoughts from here lol.) it’s adjusting, I like to read, I lost that book idk where I put it dammit Tammy. ;)

I have to say I have to also be proud of myself, so much is happening here trying to keep the brand alive. Not a big team and already having difficulty w two of the new ppl… one isn’t trained enough to go home and her time needs to be bettter, the other guy actually said he doesn’t wana work w me while I drink… I didn’t get mad at him for saying it but he was drinking too so but whatever. Then says when he knows about my deadline that he got busy w his work so he bailed on helping me according to plan. I think I have a new girl now coming and the one I do jewelry with is an older lady who is such a beautiful person and she gets me and we get along. So it’s tiring to do this and chase after ppl and deal w the lies and the overall repetitive process I’ve been doing this for like 7yrs or something. The warehouse is getting more organized and I like being in there but I don’t have much of a life besides that which is also my choice. July is Busy! But I need to decide if I should go take a trip maybe Oaxaca? Find a factory in Mexico… fuck it! I can go alone I can do it all!!! So I need to heal, I need major healing, I need to do some apologizing, some new hobby’s to open me up to new exciting things and people. YouTube videos have been helping and I know there are some podcasts. I don’t like TV much either. I love my bed and being outside in nature, I love my dog, my family, to dance, to be my authentic self but the better version, I know how awesome I AM! I like to learn things, embrace change and be a leader but my my life is a challenge. I like to write, I like to express myself and get deep. I want to do what I love w others who love it w me. I like native aywaska songs and sunsets, boat rides, being active, helping others. I like all that I am constantly trying to do for myself, to improve, to be better, organized, on track w my planner, living consciously w daily and nightly questions. Healing myself constantly. It’s so easy to just not do every thing bc it’s a lot of things. It looks like u can’t move as fast without the proper team in place. I know what it’s like to have ppl around that want to work. It’s all doable and possible but I can’t do it all myself. I really am supposed to just do the “artist” thing more, design, research, make samples… but I shouldn’t even be talking to customers this much, I need production and then PR/marketing and the system to work and ppl to work who want to do this! Ok so enough about that. I can’t sleep. Maybe I need acupuncture! I also want to volunteer more and again soon. I will get through this! Just needed to let this out… need some hugs, massages, giggles and sunshine! My father needs me today, I will try again to sleep some. Take care, feel better. 

So what am I trying to say

I’ve said it all, said I don’t want anything to do with anything that’ll get me caught up w anything I don’t wana … 

Do o have to ?

If u wana put up w it u get an extra Hay! Gift! And I don’t really 

So  I’m sensitive enough to know that if u don’t answer when I called u twice on two diff time clock times… I see… you ain’t somebody to give a gxuk abooygj… I mean for me… your fake… but I already knew that… and u choose that… u ok… u just kake as fuk… I mean fake! Kake sounds yum lol.

The other issue is you say u love me too easily when it’s impossible, u actually don’t. I can’t say I love u back.. it’s like a weird pattern your used to and when I say I love u, even if it’s I love u too, I’m not going to lie, this is me telling u. I wana say I do, bc I prob do but it’s not an empty love, I guarantee that….

Here are my rules…

Be true/never lie

what’s up! keep me in the loop,..that’s love.

Love thy Tribe. Show it. 

Don’t segregate. INCLUSION. B an example.

Learn as much as u can. 

Don’t be too proud to apologize when it’s of value. 

Learn from others.

Be a flexible, positive soul.

If you’re negative pls stop reading… your a cheat sheet!

I should also stop making more rules since idk what I’m doing and can barely follow any lol. Not funny. 

Don’t and won’t be making cute and funny whatever things for ppl to approve of! hahaha! Neverrrr!!!  Choo choo! For the kookis lol 😆