R u on my Team? Make me need you.

 I am excited for the future. I can't exactly be sure bc I know that so many of us humans, MY OWN FAMILY even, they don't see it like I do. I am excited for the future bc I know WE are so powerful to manifest the ideal HEAVEN ON EARTH FUTURE we want. We can literally CREATE the future we want. Now, we are doing this anyway but we are all given this power and so like Yin Yang we have some that think we have a positive future... a chance at what Im aiming for and then we have so many others that can't even think such, or that reading and hearing the news is guiding thoughts which manifest the ugly possibilities. The fact is, anything can happen guys... but can we please be more CAUTIOUS... can we learn from our past, from the terrible miserable places (at least me, I...) have been. I shared that with u to show u that we don't want to be there, that things weren't working out, that the American Dream wasn't Finished, instead it was in deed very tarnished. I am American. I am someone who fights for caring for the planet and I am a sensitive struggling artist. I am me. R u u? or R u fed meds and r u hiding your truth? R u ok? Im ok people!!!! Im finally OK. Im not that great bc Im only OK, ok? Im ok bc I could be more successful, self-sufficient, less maybe aggressive? meaning w my words actually, not w my actions. Im not an aggressive person. Im a healer. Im a moving, feeling, loving, sister of yours,,, daughter if not... and mother even. Im lots of things and so are you. You aren't an alcoholic unless YOU WANT TO BE. I will snap u out of that quick (or so I hope so) I think, instead, Your bored! U hate your life and yourself bc you are lost for words and looking to be loved. You want to be heard. You are valid, u are chemistry, u r right in every which way to choose your ways... but you may be wrong too... bc you only know what you know. You are not your fullest best version and thats what we r here to aim to be. we need each other and when u don't have good friends... thats what might happen. If it can happen to me, it can happen to u too. now, change your perspective,,,, even if u have to fake it to make it... imagine that you are surrounded by ppl that LOVE YOU, that care for you, no matter what, that they will always forgive you, smile with u, cheer u up, want the best for u and are by your side when your suffering and its TRUE, they are! We have a network of ppl that came before us that are vouching for us, there for us to call on, better than wifi, better than cellphone service, this is always available, and they just want to be mentioned. they want to be asked for help. like even I do, and im still alive. I hope you know that this is going to turn out even better than u ever imagined. I love u. Now, crumple that ball of bullshit and throw it at my face so I can catch it with my teeth... so I can test my quick reaction speed. Im on my own team til u guys show me you're worth being on mine ;) xo

Hold my hand...

 Its a beautiful thing to try to walk gracefully down this tight rope, to face my fears, be challenged, and make sure i do it not only right but well, & that I don't fall! So that I can make us all proud, so that the show gets a grand applause and a great Bravo! so that we gain your trust (in case there’s another show after this show). Its not only a deep knowing but a desire to turn the wheel, (can’t do it alone), from clockwise to counterclockwise and we do the directional direction, always checking if we r moving it right. (We don’t want to be a container ship clogging the Nile) - A tiny difference here is a huge difference there. Timing, speed, degree, uniform, The Alchemist comes to mind, a camel’s pace, its a different kind of recipe. The weight we let go to let us float. What you ate that day, how your feeling, the pace of your breathe, the diameter of your soul. Might make a difference. Not so much greater than and less than but the difference in what those variables are leads us to ever such slight differences of things like tiny details that I care about. because if the ray of sunshine touched your eye is one thing but that you opened your eye is another. whats it called, that part of my brain that might be listening even though i don't know if it is or not... seeping in like second degree murder... idk why i said that,,, for instance. Or those things that trick your eye to see... "fool the eye" yes like that. mix that in. so not knowing some of that gets translated along the way into your conclusions. Doesn't it make you feel more vulnerable? more able to be wrong, wouldn't u say its best to stay flexible? willing to accept that the most insane thing out of all MIGHT be real? the possibility of that with its fair chance and then respectfully swallowing the chance that you created this havoc? Ultimately the best thing u can do now is apply all that u know and be very aware that everything kind of does matter bc if u can make it better it could make a monumental difference. Each thing we use for a small moment, thats so cute and sweet but its not a thing w a disease now after. I was told that all the technology that is, is kept energetically in the bottom of the deep deep sea. So deleting things is important. I have to go and do some of that after my wild ride of exploration on a type writing spree. I believe it. I know you might not believe the same things I believe... I find it perfectly fine and hopefully reason to learn and discuss more ways that I can change. Seems like one day I may just get still again. I remember when I didnt talk, I was a shy girl and now if I go back to that, it seems like similar to when we play with the knobs on things we explore while trying to learn. The contrast of a photo or something, the zoom into a pixel, the any which way we go, the more or less and the choice to stay where we wish to place, we first might go see the more of it to know thats not what we want. its fluctuating light and temperature from setting, its own internal rhythms affected by these which allow us to enjoy more fully or be rushed and pushy. Or not? If not, thats not true. Even a girls shoes can maybe stop her from continuing but depends on the girl, depends where she is and depends who she is with! I was alone and I took a risk. Somebody else might not have. Was it worth it? I think so. Any experience adds to the experiencer. How can I make this all better? My goal is to carefully choose pretty things to say that add more value to this world, to make the energy nice, to make ppl smile, to help heal the world by expressing a beautiful vibe. Vibration is one form of measurement that has a pattern and bc of its variety over and over again it has a rhythm, a wave, a way that it chose to go. As the waves may go upwards from its horizon line, what does the opposite do? I guess steers the grooves in a new direction, the Earth spinning in one direction... what if we are supposed to make it spin the other way? the steering wheel, the merry go round, the use of your left hand, the contrast is the opposite color in the color wheel, As we find what must be done and as we dance w our paper, we explore the extremes and we can DJ it to slow it down, we can collage the choices and we can use tight tension or loosen it up, we can fluctuate the flow and there we go. When it gets a little loud or when we stomp a heel, only so very gently can we walk this tight rope. Focus or not focus, but calmly breathing, like when you organize yourself before shooting a gun. Balancing gracefully, knowing you have love and trust at your side. Desire to get it right, maybe falling isn't wrong but if we can elegantly walk on this tight rope we might make our next one blind folded. Heaven is near, have no fear, see it from my perspective, hold my hand.

Thank You.

 I can't believe Im here, that im human with these thoughts racing through me and the things im good at and the things im not good at and that im walking, breathing... that we have pets and that we sleep in beds and we piss and shit and food grows from cow shit in a garden and we eat it and shit it and we keep walking, that we wipe our asses with toilet paper and we have these weird chairs that flush water and all th e shit goes through pipes,,, wherever it goes. That we have oceans and all this trash we keep throwing away all this plastic and it also goes somewhere and its not gonna be good at some point. that we use a stick w clear fishing line and a hook w bait and can catch a fish and eat it. That the soil needs the earth worms and ants and Beatles and all the little creatures that fly, we even have ones that glow in the dark, ones that only live for a day and others that live longer than we do. That we trees speak to each other through their roots and day after day they are all growing and seasons come and go and the cycle circulates. That a little further up we can't breathe oxygen. That we created language like this now and we can now communicate. and vehicles to move us in, and entertainment to make us laugh and take our money lol. I just can't believe it. The colors. The symbols, the religions, the animals, the teeth in our mouthes we use to chew our food and also smile at one another with. The nails on our fingers grow and our hair turns gray. The temperature of our shower, the music, the flavors, the textures, the dreams we experience as we lay asleep. Im so happy I can see so much beauty!! I am just beginning to truly understand the mystical gift of this life. The birds chirping in the early morning, they lay eggs, the sleep in a nest they made in a tree, and it rains on them too. They hunt their food, the sing their bird song, each breed a different unique shape, song and color. Thank You God for Everything. Thank you to all my ancestors who got me here and all the rest of us too. I am honored to be here and experience this miracle of LIFE FORCE energy and its all LOVE. Thank You.

“My secret weapon”

All these weapons r inspiring me to make them cut out shapes from vinyl that I have and to be fun w the colors, like collage,,,, and just putting them on a simple bag or even just as plain fabric art to frame. The old fashioned weapons r like our warrior spirit and even tho we don't need an actual weapon it's such a cool design to have on the outside of a bag. Simple yet symbolic of our history of the ancestors we came from and how they fought and survived for us unique souls to be here. What we carry in our purses might be makeup and cellphones now but look how far we have come and a reminder to be strong and still own that warrior spirit which primally still exists in us. A simple bow and arrows triangular top, the horizontal striped decor on a rectangle/cylinder, the feather end, the direction we place it on the bag. Just being able to make art that says something to me and simplifying all the work it takes to make something powerful and that we can all relate to. The Tribal tone, we are to be a gathering of a group, we are now so separated but we were always together in tribes, groups to be lead and w rules we followed. The respect and dedication we had to believe so strongly that we had to conquer... the rulers convinced us of this for their personal gain and that is how anything was accomplished. Now we have free spirits and we know fighting isn't the answer, we have evolved to now know we don't need to kill to continue, even to eat. We can tend to our gardens and eat peacefully the fruits from the treees without the lie we were told to need to murder. We are peaceful warriors and we need to come together ourselves at this time. For the greater good, to be inclusive, to very importantly take care of ourselves and each other and so we use pretty nice things like lotions, perfumes, a scarf to tie around somebody's neck to keep them warm. It's all these soft feminine things that we will survive from, the love! The phone can pay our way, we don't even need our wallets! The lipstick to enhance our confidence and lean towards what we say is sexy! What a polar opposite! A pen perhaps, a notebook bc we still should write things on paper. Not to totally trust the technology is a side note. Does it ever expire? I think our info that's been uploaded over time looses resolution. That's what I think. The cloud, will it rain our words mumble jumbled? That fear of the stuff crashing LOL can we look at it crash like a wave so we can pick up words like shells on the sand. Or can words grow from trees? The time it takes to form the word, like a slow game of hangman... they will fall,,, what sentences can we create? Just my imagination... we want positive words right? No negative ones? Or will it be smart enough to be balanced? Or creative enough to pick words from far away pasages. From MIT grads to kindergarden. There we go! Kinder Garden LOL just the wonderful game of words. So magneto I got them to the tree trunk, we make sentences, they might look like scrabble, it's our choice, like free will, and don't be afraid to make a mistake... mistakes are inspiring too, or maybe cause a laugh. So what if we can make new games out of life? Since supposedly we can do ANYTHING!?! We have to play, we have to have the ideas bc the computers themselves won't. We have to teach the computers to not think like us but to think like we want them to think! We are here to make heaven on Earth! So including nature, and adding laughter and expanding our brains,,, how else could we do it? There is no limit. Only the limit we create in our minds. So I will keep dreaming of the things that perhaps I cant do myself but I know now, there are ppl like Edison who can and so stretch the jail bars and use them to our advantage. If our hands can karate chop and break things we wouldn't normally believe, and Norma's become Marilyns and Audreys are forever... what should we do to make the best things come alive and timeless!?! Put it in a painting sure, but we can also make it happen now with printers... start small, we don't want too much clutter lol how can we do things best? Write them down, draw the design, come back to choose which one is BEST! And after we do it, we will always add an ED at the end... won't we... we will do it and as soon as it's done it will be done and part of the past along w so many others. It's a beautiful thing to make dreams come true and it's the future now... now is never NowED... it's always here! And so is he! So believe it! Dream it! And let's be intelligent and precise and work w each other. Amen! A good man in deed. Thank You Edison ;) for making the world a better place. We wish you were here to make it easier!!! Let us begin! ✨💞❤️💞✨

A special kind of Hug.

I found a treasure chest of research and now I feel re-aligned w myself. It wasn’t the “plan/budget” I’m supposed to be working on but it made me feel so stupid that I ever was going to give up w so much and honestly the inspiration is SO CLEARLY directing me to do what I need to do... just keep going. The way to gain momentum is w a team... that’s the thing, alone it is not easy, it’s harder to get it all going bc this stuff takes time, patenice, order and a better system... investors, but Team is everything. I have been getting this feeling to throw in the towel and it’s like I lost my inspiration. I found it and now I’m not sure how to hurry up and start so I gave it a lot of thought tonight and prayed. I feel really connected to the stars and angels helping, guiding, protecting, and keeping me positive deep deep inside. The next questionable step is what I can study to join the healing tribe and find a different kind of calling, one I haven’t had time to allow myself the time. 

I love you I love you I love you Life. I know the most of my suffering is now behind bc the interpretation is elevated and I’m feeling more clear. I didn’t want to forget an important thing the other day but I did, it just wasn’t meant to be. I need to figure out a path, plan, vision board, ... I think the duality inside is affecting and a problem. From Hibiscus Island to... never mind, it never starts there... it ends there and it makes me think. Like maybe my dreams aren’t big enough. Maybe I know, all I need is to get my dreams aligned and stay smiling. I need a special kind of hug. 

Where to Begin Again...

 Where to Begin... 

Taking a deep breath to forgive myself for the mistakes. I keep dropping balls, shooting myself in the foot and making unnecessary drama when I mean well ... but I see the word mean and why do I have to live in this circus? Even if most of the time I like it. I think I might be taking a silly circus route and nobody to blame but myself. We change and I am like the only child left who can't grow up like I guess I wanted this, until it becomes a sort of nightmare to think that its really like this. So, Spider web... I was reading about the animals teachings from my Native American Medicine cards... I picked 3 cards and before I do this I ask for energy and guidance,,, for the cards to give me a message that I need to hear. I have gotten to this point where I do good but the mistakes are over powering my path, I am affected by my own fears, my emotions are what LEADS me and Im not able to be a functioning adult in society bc I just know that I am not actually living like one. This is a problem but I thought it was one I could continually get away with and Im noticing that its actually just the bare facts of reality and its part of the growth process of me, the obstacle I need to surpass and its like growing pains, a baby crying his eyes out never truly solves anything for us adults. I am misguided. I am looking for certain results in all the wrong places. I am riding the wave of, how long can I get away with this for like a toddler does to see where r his boundaries. Just like that. Im really worried and im aware that this is just part of why everything in my life is the way it is right now. I don't know if im living in the past, present or future... I just see the time going by and its taking me some time to get organized again to create... I have a method, im inspired, im happy, im going off here and there but im catching myself and trying to be my awesome, beautiful, generous self BUT I am not really doing some major things right. Something is wrong, im losing my temper w family & friends, doing things I don't think anybody "normal"/ in there right mind does, and its all from being led by emotion, thinking thats right and noticing that even tho I want to be that way, it has its repercussions. I am losing touch w the balance of life, my feminine side, simple life tasks are difficult, im pushing ppl away, but I wanted to set my boundaries. This 2021 was about that for me and eliminating the clutter and im really tired of friends that aren't my friends really. So, Its also my truth. I just know I have some issues and I am not getting the proper help to structure the path yet I am also unable to stay truly trying to do my end and many times just avoid simple things. I am using the excuse that Im an artist for example, not to check my email. I am pretty embarrassed actually. Im pretty over myself by now. LOL. but Im trapped! This is the shelter and life I have created! I have the skillset that I have bc I have chosen to do/avoid such and such to get exactly here. I have stuck energy in places of my body like lower back, one hip, right shoulder, neck, a little belly I accept about my physique, letting go of myself in ways like I am forgetting to drink enough water, forgetting to eat certain meals, the gray hairs are growing and I am letting them show. I don't feel the need to do my nails. I am in a weird place personally. I am trying to shift gears. I am not sure if its ok or not but Im feeling off bc Im not as busy and in demand as Ive been in the past, lets say. Also, I am not sure of my path, my relationship, my friends are not enough for me, my career is feeling stale, I am not easily satisfied and Im worried. I dip into depression but also avoid giving myself a chance to truly feel and wonder why im off kilter>? Its bc im self medicating and have fear sometimes, and anger maybe? I don't feel like Im there tho,,, I am also past those feelings so another part of me feels and is convincing myself that im all good. but If I was all good then life would be bringing me to better places and things that match my vibe, my authentic self is maybe not what Im putting out. Im babysitting myself and wondering if its better to be someone else. I know Im not superior but sometimes my character acts like it. I make my choices and think ppl will understand, I mean well but I have a very strong mother as role model and she isn't the softest feminine woman type and what im trying to say is I need to say this, I need to honor the male as the warrior at my side and Im sometimes getting negative and I don't want to be like this. I know I may be bossy but I Need a strong man who will be my balance here and I want to feel the masculine power and I want to respect that. I need to also be at a place to receive that. Im being critical, Im so flawed to attack others, Im aware of it and I am witnessing the patterns. The hurdle to surpass this is connected to Fear and I lack courage where it may be most important. Im quite lost w how I can deal w my personal shit bc Im missing key components to make my human adult self, self sustaining. but Im older now and Ive basically lost time and avoided things or focused on a detail instead of looking at the big picture of how to survive. I thought I could get away with staying me... well, no, not really, not to grow and live like to pass the level of this life. I feel like I made so many mistakes and I want to be a Mother but might miss the calling bc Im not mature enough, responsible enough, ready... and everything I want is so convoluted w the exact same opposite too that defies the importance, the needle on the compass is going bonkers trying to figure out which way im trying to go. All the opposing exists within as I obviously can't decide what I stand for truly, and its just the nature of this incredible game we call life! The object of the game is to Find Your Happiness! Anything is Possible and your the only one creating the barriers of where impossible resides. I am my worst enemy, I am able to do all the things necessary but I choose not to bc Im either lazy or childish waiting for a boundary to be set, something to happen that ends the road im on, I guess. I am not sure if this is the path im supposed to be on. like free will lead me to the wrong place and now if I will end up in the same place maybe it will be harder for me to get there. I feel like Im destructive to my own self and im never satisfied like that Prince song and maybe im just like my mother. But my mother found my father you see, and so im not even close, Im feeling alone, unequipped, embarrassed to say it, angry that its like this, aware that the truth is so large and hard for me to reach and at the same time don't give myself the proper chance bc I am looking for fun too damn often, not disciplined enough to finish anything I start, and giving up is ok bc im lost, lonely, afraid, feel like ppl don't even want me, I feel like Im just not as busy w a family as everyone else I know and so maybe im interpreting this whole damn thing wrong too. This life is to learn as much as u can and be great to one another to find fulfillment and love, , , what im doing wrong is my stupid problem and how I continue and deal is another... surviving is another layer all together and I think I need a plan, a couple friends, a little love and to maybe volunteer. If things get worse I will move to Europe or Mexico. walking away from everything isn't the way to go just yet. Bless This House, Bless this soul, Bless us all, Lots of Love <3

Indispute

My face feels tight, something not right. I did what I did, I prevent some event. Seeing physical planes, the osmosis, the gels grew out, the roots acute. Mama not think it’s funny. I see that I have something to live for and it’s more things once I start to look... embraced by the mystical I feel reassured in a rhythmic blur. What would I do without you? Idk but love is there, love is where we are, a truth and dare. A place to come back to, re write history and be leading parades of love with sobriety Indispute. Where r we now? Elevating into a new dimension yet but I was supposed to be sleeping by midnight. Things changed.