More research pictures…

Bc I’m working… 

BRO IM FROM MIAMI BRO

 (last post was deleted Friday July 16, 2021) Ok so the last post... yesss,,,, im going to take it down... your lucky if u even saw it. I am so sorry for anybody that was hurt by this. Of course, I came from a place of hurt,,, ppl do things differently from a place of HURT. and so everyone not only is whoever they are, from what they picked up on with the voyage of their life, from the two most important ppl that TOGETHER made her/him. So again... remember who they were as a child in their naive authentic-ness... and also with the certain polution meaning not only environmentally but vibrationally from all of us, like the mix-ups, the fights, the revenge, the silence is also painful and To me, doesn't make it any better,,, sorry guys. That lil "way" also desperately needs to change. The proper response from somebody might cause Gratitude... or something and thats where we r aiming. The silence is what makes us TOUGH but its so easy to, I think, share the perspective of why your choosing to dismiss them, to "disrespect" them, how do u know how much that might mess with them? their equilibrium... 

for me, im learning, I have been trying to be "on track" and things get messed up naturally... and so I think im pretty flexible, but if things that are important to me get changed... I get sorta upset at times... I've noticed. So, as part of what im learning about myself and what might set me off... (but hasn't recently btw) I've just been able to notice the feelings and NOT sit with them but... take NOTICE... addicts will find a way to get what they want and the triggers are what brings me to start me off on a wrong foot,,, wrong track. Im aware of those things from being able to see them before I am impulsively allowing them to direct me. Im being more cautious YET "Do Not Fuck With Me" is also ME :) so IDK where Im at with this but I know that I am not going to let certain things just SLIDE... I get my words out... I am not going to be fucked with and me shut up... continue. No. Is this wrong? Ive heard its not right but I think they are wrong. I don't think ppl that handle things w silence care about growth, the truly correct thing to do and I obviously have an issue with it. 

Im going to delete it. 

Im also going to delete the person from my LIFE entirely and getting some stuff out about them was something I did when I was upset. Now ppl might think, woe, will she do that about me? Ive been feeling it. Its not at all what I would do on the regular but I am sorta revengeful. Sometimes the best revenge might be that, sometimes not, it depends. 

I have a few projects floating around, I am mostly helping others right now... and with my schedule I will have enough time to do my thing and Im also setting myself up for -staying away from too much trouble-.

But Don't Fuck W Me Bro!!!

I say and do things that are hurtful bc U HURT ME FIRST. I was Hurt. and I was saying the truth, I wasn't exaggerating it! I also didn't and don't want to mix up the story for the future. This guy is actually dangerous. He said he wants to sew me for 500k now and I never even wrote his name! and Its all true and ... Does anybody remember what happened to me? Why I even did that? But Dude, Don't Fuck W Me. Im saying those words knowing their power, knowing that I only want who can really man up to this, who can take me seriously. The guy wasn't right for me, Im so embarrassed, I KNEW for a while, but it was COVID. Im sorry guys. Im sorry to myself. Im sorry to spill my garbage (which I know got lots pf laughs too0) BUT IM NOT THAT SORRY... thats why its still up.

He called my mother to have me take it down... I could have by now... but I chose not to bc... he's not just going to call my mom and have me take this "TRUTH SERUM/ VENENO QUE CURA" about him down just like that... like tell her Mom and she will take it down... UMMMM Im a grown ass adult now and   thats not gonna happen. 

Also, what is most terrible and what HE considers truth  is that Im supposedly old and washed up and my prime is over ... LOLOLOL... when I feel The Greatest I have!!! Imagine hearing this>>?? You think this mother fucker is going to get back in my life>? no. thats enough. turn the page. Don't Fuck w me Bro! You don't know who dis is. They hire sheeps for lots of jobs and thats what we are now MADE UP OF... but Im not in it like that and your ghetto ass is disrespectful and NOT gone get away with it. I gave you a good life, I was a person you wanted to have kids with, we were going to get married,,, DONT FUCK W ME... Your not gonna get away with this. Your bipolar and have a few things to take care of... You know what they are. Home Depot, AirBnb, Rent since Dec,,, 

But there was the Open Mic night at Words over Wine... and its practically next door form my house... @ The Andersen.. and he's there to sing some thing or whatever bc my old good friend Karla w a K Corona like the Beer... or the Virus... LOL... was over  and told me. I told her she should delete him already... (If we even ... she said she doesn't like to get involved LOL,,, ok ok ... uhuh.) (I don't either LOL) So, I get in there and its... Raggea... some Stir It Up song.... so im all over dancing... cuz thats what the song even says... but its just whatever,,, anyway, im at this girls vending jewelry booth and I buy a bunch of stuff... things for others,... earrings for my cousin, etc. and The girl he was singing with comes over to the booth and says... I need something bla bla bla... and I pick something out for her and we ask what the stones were about energetically and they are about throat chakra etc both of them and its blue and SHES SOLD... and this asshole goes... something about "hoe" (Freudian slip) How He will buy her whatever she wants... I was like wow LOL Right in front of me he has to be such an insensitive dick? seriously? And to summarize that... I actually reacted... and then I MADE SURE HE BOUGHT THAT SHIT FOR HER BC GUESS WHATTTT HE WAS WALKING AWAY WITHOUT HAVING DONE SO AFTER HE OFFERED AND I WANST GONA LET THAT HAPPEN LOL OH HELL NO... AND SUPPOSEDLY HE WAS PAYING HER TO SING WITH HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! WTFFFFFFF

OMG... IM WRITING THIS SHIT I CAN LAUGH LATER I GUESS... AND TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THE FUCKED UP SHIT I HAVE TO DEAL WITHHHHH  FOR THISSSS.... IM NOT SUFFERING... IM NOT. IM ALSO NOT AVAIL YET LOL. IM ALSO ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL. 

WHAT A PINGA QUE COME PINGA 

BRO!

Im feeling the vibes tho... Im feeling FIRST OF ALL that he's mixed up and that I def don't want to be w that type of person LOL "type of person" LOL (could be ME!) So, now its like... ppl r making sure I won't be writing about them like that... and so ppl r mixing me up for a person that im not, well its a part of me! Don't Fuck W Me Bro! its like ...

Its like the movie AMELIE... (one of my fav movies) and she's on the roof of the building and messing with the antenna of the asshole watching his soccer game and when its a goal she fucks w the antenna... I think she's an angel honestly. The guy is a Jerk and he deserves it. Is that ok that I think that>? Just asking. Cuz thats how I feel. Nobody ready this, nobody cares, everyone is so preoccupied with themselves,,, with looking after their own family, keeping up w the Jones' and being a Jones too. What I write about here is mostly my heart and soul and things I need to get out for some reason... again, isn't it true... Don't Fuck W Me Bro. I forgive you but I won't forget. Cuz now its here! For us all to remember. Maybe you will start acting right now... since u have enough reasons to start acting right, si? 

Don't Fuck With US. 

Peace on Earth

I’m pretty sure I decided to do all the things I did myself. It’s not a matter of being pushed by my parents or something… it was even more than that, me trying to out smart us all. Not only them but my own priorities were lined up and “risk” isn’t the word when u simply desire to do something diff. Life can be easy! Life should be easy, taken more like a flowing, easy going, octopus in the current or a flower bloom in the seasons. I have shit to be pissed off about. If u want to know ask me and promise u can keep it between us. I have a reason to be upset. I won’t keep on focusing there… I feel also a sense of relief that I am me and that it may take a while to get me to the decent incredible man I so deserve… 

It’s more than that….

I am committed to working  to  find intimacy, a great relationship w communication, love and mutual respect. !!! I’m willing to have the heart to heart that Is needed, and to take the time to find a common vision. No matter who u r we should be able to grow but I don’t have forever and I must from this moment foreword stay true and latient to my true divine self… attraction is very important which leads to living in my authentic self when it comes to one form of love, not the only one and not the most powerful. I see beyond it… I know I do but starting a family is a goal and the traits passed are multidimentional.

What I can do…

Is think more positive… I’m pretty positive most of the time but to not let a negative thought permeate long is a new important challenge for me. I find myself telling others around me to do it too. I realize how much what I hear around me or the news or what not I’m sensitive to. I try to steer it out of the gutter. I go to this particular lake scene a lot… I think of a classy scenerio w a dock and I’m wearing a long pretty dress… and she’s holding a drink… here is the thing… to dress up the dream she has martini but I guess it COULD be a mock tail… but it’s prob not bc of when I tap into my mood… maybe we r celebrating something to make this be a special moment and I think I remember what I lied about now… it was just a dreamy vision! A dream is a lie til it’s reality. It’s like maybe I should stop obsessing over this stupid idea but honestly it’s weird! I rather be by the ocean, I rather be doing something adventurous! But this strange scene in only my mind is in itself part of my rebellious nature, like something hard to reach or something maybe? Trying to think of the best thing! And yet, the question is.. would I be happy? Maybe. Maybe for some moments… but then what? Would my happiness last? Of course I’d hope so but there is soooo much more to life and sooo much more interesting shit that I could be including. I didn’t bother. I have a feeling I don’t know what I want. I do know for some things! Some of my good ideas I’m totally hung up on like waiting for somebody to say “ok Tammy, I wanna do that with u…” but maybe only bc I’m not ballsy to do it alone. I guess I have to grow more and I have a feeling my past lives are affecting me, if I had known this would be so difficult I would have been more private. Embarrassed is now an understatement LOL I’m mortified! Like in some snow globe banging to get out. So back to what I CAN do… I can do about half of what I have to do… I CAN do more but I don’t agree with it and so I don’t. It’s like I’m the Castro to my own Cuba or something… don’t ask me. It’s a bad analogy… I’m not ok w losing but I think living and working two hard are opposites. The most important things are going missed. I feel like I don’t know what I just said and probably offended a lot of ppl w it or  so whatever, not my intention. Strange way of putting it. What can I do? I think I can organize and teach and be a parent. Since I can’t hula-hoop and pole dance like a pro LMAO… omg sorry LOL so many things to spend time on and master. I am a designer, a great thinker, an extremely capable woman, a lover, a healer, a mathematician, a writer, a home maker, creator, artist, dancer, singer, companion, and comedian. Ok I love u gotta go! Coox

I will be an older lady someday

And I will be too old and gone another. I am starting to notice myself make more mistakes… I have thought about if I’m manifesting it w my belief or what… I want a snow globe ride, bubbles of an environment that you select to take… bc we all live in a yellow submarine and the song that never ends is our own choice to hum and dance to, as the repetitive one has shown to be tiring… no wonder ppl start to feel stale. Only if your dancing to your best song will u be inspiring the rest. The rest you need when head hits the pillow at a reasonable time. We have to pass the baton… it’s going across the whole planet. Even as off as u may be u will be able to pass it to somebody who is also there to receive it… you need to find out if it’s best to keep looking fwd or make eye contact and connect w the random stranger that u will probably never see again but… what’s the hurry? Why not have a quick coffee and ask a good question after the obvious ones, in order to learn something. Or touching watches to get connected on FB faster. Or U choose the speed of the information like drops of an IV, not all at once. Maybe even scanning to have technology help edit what’s shown to match compatibility. Personality tested like 5 points on a star at least.  Like I’m thinking we can paint 10 toes at once already bc they care about this when it comes to business.. folding origami as reading a book. Music when we make movements on a yoga mat… not like a piano, like a euphoric sound that inspires a stretch or the length of time of it. Glow in the dark and decomposing as a bed of seeds like LARGE Hamama. Or eggs with hatching surprises LOL, cigarettes that whistle, brooms w magnetic bristles for jewelers and that as a piece of art…. Flip it upside down and watch it glitter w randomness… never the same. Magnetic for everything… LIKE w LIKE… a way to group, more of this for travel, for less accidents, for drones to carry packages, for earring backs to stay on. Like a succióning fan option… blow air out and to blow it in… and find the things that collect on the outer cage… like a metal detector on your own property. A comb berret used on long grass LOL nobody done it w a rake yet have they? It’s something I’d try but then realize it doesn’t look pretty enough to go through w it… maybe if we take a bunch of rakes and do it like a pattern but like BERRETs the little comb u comb one way then the other way to lock the hair… not to be mistaken w a Raspebbery berret which ironically I do have two, one that was my mothers in cashmere and one that was her mother’s in a more classic wool I guess. I still think yoga mats could be abbreviated in material into grip socks for feet and hands like glove rubber cushy… great grip… and the leaves on a Rose looks like a knife edge pinking shears… zig zag… it’s so good… and edible plates and utensils or that we can plant into a tree. 

A mug

With a rainbow for a handle 🌈 , I’ve just never seen one. Or a rainbow back stretcher at a kids playground… maybe it’s a tunnel too? Maybe it has windows. I guess I would add animals to the children’s playgrounds too so they can ride pony’s and play with pigs. And making each kid plant a tree before they can play. That’s one way for abundance! Dream catcher swings! Hanging feathers so ppl who lay on the ground can be tickled by them. Bring back the water fountains! W the button to turn the water on as something kids step on. Giant Flower beds that hydronicx, the land they play on has gold and healing stones all over it. Sunflowers 🌻 changing direction as the day goes by, groups making mandalas w flower petals, maybe even w trash! Learning what is biodegradable. Learning patience and beauty and pattern and color choices and teamwork. What if we made one that never stopped? We just kept it going to have NASA take a picture from Space so we can see what we made as the legal aliens would see it. As things decompose we go back to fill the holes, the trash now a research project to see how things age and how long things take to change, as drumming and dancing and singing and the walk of a park maze has now been collaboratively created. One day we can walk the zoo animals through it… like a peaceful parade showing the beauty and peace and variety we have that must lead us to realize our incredible greatness! The collection of things we have being used and set for display to take trash to a new level since we will be making changes soon… how soon? Like classic cars as Cocacola. Garden of Everything! Garden of what’s been eaten! - eden? No! Eaten! Or make dream catchers from the ties and our legs through the holes and hang upside down more. Creating confetti from things or all those little beads and biodegradable things to be the inspiration for change. Taking the negative and turning it positive like vases buried in the ground that make the shelter for something to pop out as if it’s planted… and messages we can write one another and picked like fortune cookies from a pile.