Thankfull

I’m profoundly thankful like a bottomless well or something. Cheerful. Gleeful. I am dancing through life making others feel good as much as I can and every now and then I find myself on low energy unable to give as much of my over flow Bc I can get depleted and I can be tired but not want to sleep,,, like now lol. It’s 3am and I am in bed but I’m reading a book and it’s really good, my 3rd book in a month and this one is going to be a long one so it’s going to take time but I’m already inspired and excited by it. It speaks to me. For me a big thing is the writing and of course the topic. So I’m learning. And the channeling is something that might happen to me when I write and this writer for “The Artists Way” is speaking my language. I feel as though I’m growing into myself quite nicely and I like the majority of my choices. I have faith that I should just keep going Bc there is so much I want to do and I just have to do whatever makes me happy and what makes most sense to me and let God do his thing through me. I’m trying to get a lil out of the way of that. You have to really think sometimes but you also feel and you also have to really LOVE and that happiness and inspiration that comes of it that makes you glow is where it’s at. This book I was reading that I have JUST started said that. I want to travel and I want to love someone. I want to keep feeding my soul. I like spirituality and things and colors and people! I actually love ppl even tho boy do they let me down! Lol. I don’t care, let them do what they wana do! I’m totally fine. I’m thick skinned, I am also a happy alone type of person but I’m just saying I do feel like that is what’s missing. I recently met someone who I get a long w really well and stuff but isn’t “the guy” I want to get into a relationship with. I am just glad that there are ppl who I can get a long w so well that life feels effortless and that they make me feel good! That’s really important. Then I also ready that your soul mate will be a pain in your ass somewhere else LOL  

So am I everyone else’s soul mate? Jk. 

Anyway, I want to dance more. I like to dress up too. I just wana go places a lil and then also be home to read my books and do my home body time, I need to! I’m a introvert/extrovert. And I need to go innnn and create! I can’t just be out dancing every fucking night okay. I need to fucking balance and I am but it’s like so easy to unbalance this space ship! TAMBOLANDIA LOL 

So Run, sun, juice, personal care, nourish, read, love, connect, my dog, the planning, the goals, the lists, the calendar, the people, the moon, the downloads, the business, the growth, the progress, and the flow my dear. Don’t forget to keep dreaming! And the dreams will come true, they always do. THANK YOU.

The little games

I learned something new about myself and I always wanted to understand it. I noticed an accumulation of triggers and after the multiple incidents w different ppl I’d always find myself to be “right” in my way about why I chose to do what I did and that my Ultimate intentions were good. What I didn’t notice is that ppl are different and unable to understand for themselves or see outside of themselves enough and basically chose to either stick around, or not, or understand it or not and many ppl just aren’t so deep and have their reasons to take things personal as some sort of a personal attack and my personality also comes in and I show my emotions when it’s gotten to a certain level. Besides having some PTSD from certain incidents I’ve had or levels of what I’m willing and unwilling to put up with myself. I can have assumptions, I’m flexible to learn and curious to understand and get through to the next level IF I think you’re worth it. Also, my biggest lesson w all this is that I may POP but, sure it can be for a reason but their shouldn’t be any reason to pop I guess… Bc their is a better way of communicating. Of asking a question instead of thinking a thought and reacting based off of that. So it’s maturity. I do it all the time. It’s a constant in life to know what is the best way to handle things… but when I’m about to Pop is when I need to use it more! Not everyone understands how that may be a passionate way of showing my emotions, my deep felt thoughts, what’s important to me, the letting of emotions. But it’s going to help me to not react like that and try to be a more smoother line on a graph than one of lots of zig zags, mountains and valleys. It feels good to learn that Bc I think I finally understand it. :)

Crossed Fingers...

 I remember when I was a little girl and I would cross my fingers. I still do it. I remember those 80s textured walls I would scratch my limbs on. I remember that time I woke up upside down or something and couldn't find the door knob, instead I was trying to get out of the window! I remember the drying lines, the antennas, the manners I was taught and how quiet I was bc I was a sponge observing everything. I remember talking to my dolls bc what else do u do if not? I liked being the teacher. I did it w my dolls make believe and with actual kids I could manipulate during recess, I had my own ballet class! quite productive! but it wasn't always that way lol. I guess I like being a leader, I liked having the attention but it was also very pure, a little piece of popularity perhaps? none of it lasted too long. I had to make new friends a lot. I grew an attitude. I was just shuffled here and there and just absorbing the whole thing knowing id soon be thrown in a different direction again. I had a reason for being the way I became but nobody knew that part about me really. I believe ppl do want the best for us but the look holes, the gaps that don't allow for a match... its not a kids fault and its a life tampered with. everyone has a different story. So many variables, I wonder if the right way to go is as interesting. Kids in a class remind me of objects collected from diff parts. Another assortment, each a diff flavor, and spit balls, and time wasted... nobody seemed to know what they were doing. Even in college, so odd. By now I hope they do bc wasting  time wasn't solely the kids' fault, I think it was almost more the teachers. lol. Thats so terrible. I have these memories, so many ridiculous memories, stories, culture, societal lessons, places and things, unbelievable. I am just so grateful so have had the journey I had. Things take time, to make you the more mature you, ppl marry young, they have such real lives, we chose a career, a partner, and become a parent so many times so young! Naturally. Its more natural to make a beautiful mistake like that and yes it is a blessing. It gets harder to later in life I think. I am juggling w diff realities. Why can't he come and save me already LOL ;) Im not sure anymore. I have to really think about what I want. I realize that I am not truly firm on one idea cuz I need a partner I can feel supported, I believe in the dream... I choose to believe in it, I want to find real love, is it so? ugh But of course and I also want to hibernate like a bear for the whole winter. Pray for peace be with me. Cuddles xoxoxo

What’s the temperature?

I can speak Chinese, Bird Call, I feel for the dragon fly, I got someone upset, I’m just obsessed w Roxys warmth. I’m such a mother. Soooo lucky. Omg. Ya, good for u! Go for it. I’m good. I’m ok. I’m grateful. What else do u want me to say right now? Does that sound like… something… I didn’t like it either. My mom was 24! My Dad wanted it… he walked his pregnant woman on the beach at the break of dawn…really? And so now what? What about me? Have I become too vocal? I’m like allowed to be this way? Have I forgotten my manners? And will I ever learn? 

2022 Fashion Color Trends

 The Spring/Summer 2022 fashion shows and influencer street style has been quite the sight to see & its like “I CANT STOP LOOKING!” Being a fanatic of color I have really appreciated to see the unexpected combinations created by designers and the like, I am Obsessed! Complementary colors paired like I’ve never seen before that perhaps only the fashion forward would dare to pull off to the level that we have seen it. There are endless ways of creating a mix of colors that feels safer but still has the fresh edge of next season. As I’m studying what it is about the colors that’s new and refreshing to me I notice that its because of selecting colors from different color families or groupings to selectively put together. Like using science and art we are walking away from our classic rainbow which was all in Poppy/Punchy spring tone colors or all in rainbow pastels to now shuffling it up and making the colors be from different color families such as Earth tones and pastels mixed w a Neutral or two and then maybe adding a Pop of neon which jumps off even when used sparingly, because its loud, you domino need very much. Make sense? They each interact and relate with each other and because of each other they are receiving the light, like as if they have personalities and they are in conversation, each of the colors has a tone of voice and an energy vibration and together they are all special and do something quite magical and marvelous. 

Im seeing the color Chartreuse, Burnt orange brown, strong shades of Fuchsia, electric Lime green, conservative and classy Emerald, potent Indigo, Rich Purples and Plums, Vibrant Orange, Classic Aqua, and a beautiful Teal Green… you name it, I can’t think of a color that was excluded but the magic was in the combinations. The popular powder pink … and youthful details of Aqua kept things so fresh and interesting even as far as sometimes audaciously playful! It looked like a competition in fashion fun, the paparazzi documented a parade of street style in every Fashion Week city across the globe at our fingertips. With scrolls of eye catching colors that bounced off the screen and I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn’t get enough. I went through an addiction, feeding my brain with more and more endless photos of fashion ideas and innovative inspiration that made my heart jump up and down and of course leaving me unable to get even a wink of sleep. I even thought to myself if there was a way to turn my being online on private, since some were asking why I was still up. Yes that bad but that Good too! ;) So thankful for the incredible style the icons of today, pushing the envelope and making the effort to be bold in times of confusion, corruption, and despair. Like a sweet nudge of hope for next s/s 2022’s dreamy joyful and more pleasant days to come! 

Head to toe in Neutral Khaki was another alternative to speak of as well as mega more wearable for the masses. We saw it in Tan, Browns, Classic Black coming in strong and also some White/off white, even Gray was around, everyone was included and had an important part of making the other colors do their thing BETTER. Neutrals were also used with one select pop of color or with many  to bring a base or stability and each brought along its purpose as a warm or cool tone, Brown being warm and grey being cool for instance. When warm and cool colors were paired in an outfit they did things far more interesting than when played safe. It actually complemented it when it didn’t match bc it popped or vibrated! Our eyes are trained to see things that make sense and go well together but that’s a bit stale to see now so when its unique it makes us do a double take and wonder why we like it so much! In fact, we might stare for a lot longer.

A complementary color, in case you don’t know, is a color that is on the opposite side of the color wheel from the other color. Such as Red and Green, Orange and Blue, Yellow and Purple for example but those don’t sound like great color combinations do they? Well, what makes it interesting is when you take one of the two colors and you play with its tint or shade and you might add a little white to create a pastel or you might add a little black to darken it from a Red to a Burgundy or Pink & the green going Hunter green or a baby pastel green or the popular punchy lime green color that Pops like a neon or the more classic emerald green which is a safe and elegant bet for f/w season but now paired with maybe Lavender and Voila! This is the game for 2022 and it takes practice, courage & some extra planning. 

Neighboring colors like Blues with Greens & Pink and Orange, Purple & a Pink or with one of the many Reds were a thing too. Like people, neighbors were a good choice to sit together and be friends with. It was abundant in fun color options and variations  so have fun with combining your looks from the options in your closet and find inspiration in the color wheel. See what happens when the rules of color are broken and you might discover a whole new sense of gratitude for color, that makes them turn alive and cause a smiling sensation with those who get to see you in it.

Zombie

Been tough to manage relationships with people for whatever reason I feel like it’s not fair that I struggle w something I should be better at. It’s really frustrating, knowing how important it is to keep up the relations. I don’t deserve to have so many burned bridges. The feeling is isolating. I don’t want to damage them but it points to me unless everyone else is feeling this too. It’s just so important in life to have ppl “like u” and instead I can see that what I’m doing isn’t working. It’s such a game. The truth is not what ppl want. They want u to play the game! They want to be fooled even. I thought my way was better but obviously not! If I can’t do this right then it feels like I won’t ever be someone worth betting on. With a heart this big it’s like shattered to pieces it’s not even worth the gigantic effort. They don’t understand me I guess or somewhere there is a mistake. I can actually feel it. 

So I wore a gold chain mail top to finally go out the other night. It’s a 70’s original I got second hand from Fly Boutique and had in my closet and decided to wear it and get glammed up. Some guy, super cool and sweet picked me up in a 1940’s side car motorcycle and took me out. It was super duper special. We went to two places I had never been to before. I love checking out new spots. Funny thing is, I felt like it was this funny feeling to wear this super glitzy top when so many places and ppl are struggling so hard right now. For example Cuba now w Covid, etc etc. but I am struggling as well! I wore it bc I had it and I chose to pull it out. I didn’t just buy it brand new or something. It’s this strange after feeling that made me feel like I needed to explain this. How freaking annoying tho right? So it’s sorta my imagination that the judgments are incorrect … 

Always trying to help others and think of others is in my nature and it’s like the same can’t be expected back. I’m getting better at just moving on without getting stuck in the pain bc I accept that maybe I’m wrong and ppl r “busy”. I’m a loner anyway. But I put myself out there and then it gets used against me. It’s a good thing I’m strong enough to handle it. Only a strong person can tell all this knowing it just keeps backfiring and giving you guys more amo! I write about it bc it’s real and it’s the way I am currently feeling. I have feelings u know? There are ppl who do care about me and do show it. It’s not as easy as I want it to be! I am curious what I can do to change. The answers that come to me tell me that I should try being sober but I’m not SO extreme but it’s just the only thing I can think of to do. I’ve been procrastinating that bc life is so tough wo my coping mechanisms. It’s not getting any easier by the way! I know I do deep down believe in myself but if my success isn’t there anymore now to show for I must be doing something wrong, arent I? Well it’s a process. I’m doing so much yoga that that’s the only thing keeping me sane I think. Since im toxic and the patterns are mine, it’s like nothing is good enough for me yet. Im feeding my soul w spirituality, aligning my purpose, doing the work w morning and evening questions so that I live more conciously. Downloaded Audible and want to read more books. I spend time in nature. I eat healthy when I eat mostly very very healthy. I jog when I can. I don’t if I can’t and sometimes I do even hungover! I try to stay organized. When I work, I WORK. I think, I spend an entire night obsessing about a new project. It’s not normal. It’s actually gotten worse! I just don’t want to be such a pain in the ass to Look! Even myself! Lmao! This energy and desire to get it right or explain. It’s like I’m hurting inside. I need love but I’m unlovable at the moment. I can’t do it. I just don’t feel like myself, like I’m ready for anything like that. But I still need love. I’m trying to love myself I guess. I mean, I’m my own best friend. I’m going to get through it. I want to find the right person and I actually want to fall in love. If it doesn’t happen, fine! But I’m waiting and I hope that it does. I feel like it will and I have it in me to be happy. To feel so much love that is going to come my way. In the end, I’m a dreamer and have a lot of love to give. I am happy and easy going and fun and I don’t deserve this from a lot of the people. It’s shocking. But maybe I asked for this! It’s making me stronger alright! But it’s also adding to the internal monster. I’m not all this added shit on top that I now have. I was pure and good and the poisoning from the world is changing all of us. This is supposed to be more like heaven than hell. But I will keep lying to myself and stay positive cuz it’s only a fucking game and nobody cares. A Zombie Game. 

Back to Back lmao lmbo ;)

I got the heating pad… I should just call it “the heat” “I got the Heat” my tongue fighting to fit inside my mouth cage of teeth LOL. U can say she has no friends or u can call it nobody wants to hear it, it’s not that important yet. But I’m about to say something that is,… I had to come to another bedroom in my house to feel comfortable for being up late bc my consideration is on another level of sensitivity. I feel better now. I really like the heat on my lower back and it would be SO much work to get this in the old days btw wow. This is Blessed by Modern Times LOL. And then there is the opposite… I am about to stop drinking for 21 days and I’m obviously showing my kooky side… ppl go to meetings and get that kind of help for this but I haven’t even tried to stop that much yet… always do I find the best excuse, that’s sooo my nature yet I can also call myself out btw and also I’m so willing to learn. I found that none of the ppl on my phones messages were really ppl I was happy to shoot a text to bc i of feeling more jaded than anything. Like nothing is good enough. Like being alone is better. But it wasn’t better, that’s not what I wanted and I was in a vicious circle. Realized maybe there is a mixture of trust issues to a lack of fulfillment for INTELLIGENCE, like my thing is brains. I like an intellectual conversation. I’m a risk taker even in conversation, pushing boundaries, having fun, learning, playing the games but just right. Always pushing further not to kill the things but to expand them for more ideas to come and to feed curiosity and to chase the richness of life! Ideas! And finding the right ones to go after! So higher and higher! And more and more… not so much writing a song necessarily.  But finding the connections in agreement and disagreement and why that is. It’s a strange Satisfaction to grow closer but also to realize they actually don’t like this as much as u do Tammy. Tammy, you’re different. And alive lol and lonely, and healing, and grateful. So I found out that there r some things we NEED to actually do to be better and I’ve been on the “Camino” doing them. I’m super grateful. 

This might sound redundant but I must insist to make it special for u to grasp… I can’t control your thoughts and I won’t be there to help u expand on them but I will be a friend who shares  these tips w u which I JUST learned and I believe in :)

We know how important GRATITUDE is and I always had so much to be grateful for but found myself thinking more about who doesn’t have what I may of had and how it was my feeling that it wasn’t fair and it changed from grateful to sorta sad bc idk whatever… my programming? My nature? Idk! NOW I’m over that and I can see the feeling gratitude feels in my body and how it is medicine, natural medicine… for changing the chip of our brain… like the new direction of the steering wheel post I wrote before. ;)

So what makes u excited? Happy? Feel those beautiful feelings are what u should definitely hold dear to your heard. 

Who do u want to be? Set a word intention for your day and then think why u said that word. Give your reasoning an honest push to manifest your charachter for the day or even life, these words can be adding more to u! You just want to find a little inspo from asking your soul the feels for some direction. Remember, u have all the answers! ;) 

Mention who u want to do this Incredible Day for… who needs u on your A-game will give the foundation to bring a clearer cause to strengthen your reasoning. Now you r thinking outseide of yourself and that helps. Ppl do need you to be the best and do it for the others! Making the world a better place. 

Now also think what could be a problem or what could be difficult or a little hurdle to look ahead at it and plan how it might affect u at the worst of its case and then it gives space to the simple fact of now being more prepared. Aware that u don’t want “that” to happen so u won’t or shouldn’t make the mistakes your ready for. We think to establish those things, put them into a challenge and then imagine ourselves dealing best so that we can be ready, it’s conscious living, INTENTIONAL.

What you can do of “Service” for your day. Supposedly in AA meetings they should call I think 3 ppl to check on them -a day?!?! LMAOOOO and it’s happened but nobody has also MOSTLY OH FOR SURE NO. So okay, I’m learning. Send a lil note, gift or sign of appreciation, HELP ppl somehow. It’s really important actually but I do it immediately but it’s a good way to go. ;)

Think of how u can take a step foreword to be even Greater… or a better version of yourself, what can u do to grow more, love more, be better?

As your Own Coach… what would u tell yourself to improve on? What should u remember? What kind or encouraging words could u think of the to both Push and Settle your beautiful soul? -U know this!!! You are a Guru too.

Any big picture projects or directions to have in mind to remember your Goals? This is important, step back from this DAY and see if it’s headed there… you are steering, remember?

At the end of the day, u want to be feeling what? Content, happy, like your on the path aligned w your purpose and you aren’t living in a blur of days all in a mush like a non-manifesting sheep who can’t even think for him or herself. Ew. 

This is the morning routine besides the brushing teeth etc stuff. And I’m terrible remembering the morning stuff to do. 

——-

At night or whenever your day comes to a close… u do a couple other things… same as brushing your teeth again we must re-visit something for the soul. To take better control of our lives, the direction of our life, see the light and shine it in the way to grow… like a flashlight… we choose the path, we see the way, we have the light and we choose the way. There is a wrong way bc it’s not the better one but you end up “it’s OK” anyway… but if u like “ok” then go for it but I like FABULOUSLY IRRISITABLE ;) ya way!

Then u examine… self examine. And u ask yourself questions to review your day. Like what was good? What could u have done better? Is Mr. Fabulously IRRISITABLE ready for U yet? This is the answer, answer honestly LOL. 

Benjamin Franklin had some 13 words I think it was maybe more that he like went over to see in his own ratings, how he personally rated his days. Bc we have better and worse days but he was that cool… he created his own lil system so he’s really cool. I’m a fan. I always wanted to too and I’m starting to collect these ways and then I will too. 

At the end of the day u reflect to find what was good about your day, what stuck out to u to remember a moment, when u do u imagine it and u feel the good feelings in your body, your heart… u might smile. Bringing it back to mind doubles it’s power in your life and triples it by writing it down and then quadruples it next time u read it and so on… so exponential is truly here. Now enhance it instead of dimming it… u give it its merit, u again bring back that feeling of gratitude, magnify the allure of this dream u are living as well as being a part of creating it. Your doing so good and we are so celebrating the you and the small things. They are each powerful in your journey. Let them live! Remember them more, bring them back to bring more of that into your life. It’s better than anything else u could possibly do for yourself. 

Mention a lesson learned or what u realize… 

So many times this goes unnoticed bc it takes an extra effort to think about. Again, Awareness is super critical to live an intentional life. Your life is to be aligned w your PURPOSE and to find out ones purpose one must do the work… it’s a mixture of what your good at and what you love to do and to be PRESENT and in service to the Great Spirit or others… your dream won’t work if the purpose is confused or lost or u r doing things fit the wrong reasons. Point! 

How could u have made your day better?

How could u feel more connected to others? 

And Last but not least what would u tell yourself as a high performance coach? 

(Just curious) 

Well, I went to Rikos, 5 of us played “Cards Against Humanity”

I was flying a lil too much, they r empaths and healers and could tell lol. 

I was happy and had extra energy and they could sense either the EXTRA LIGHT I gave off or maybe made some of them MAYBE more tired… I rested last night and I had a good productive day, for my own personal rating system and that’s better than not having rated myself well and feeling THAT… so I’m doing MUCH BETTER. I am feeeding my soul, things are clicking and I’m inspired to keep on going. I wish it was easier to get more done but “it’s ok” 

As long as I’m using the power of intention, trying to set my own rituals, and spelling it out for all to see… it is my work to do my work and Craft my craft, for a more peaceful, connected life. I called it similar, “ unity and harmony”

Same sorta thing. It’s all similar when u have the right intention. The magic is profound,,, only pros-find it. It’s ancient wisdom there for those who look to find it and care to find a meaning to life which is purely a more meaningful life which has to do w being loved and wanted and included and needed and respected and well-rounded for the slices of your pie 3.14 which adds up to 8 infinity. And infinity only happens w a feeling of flow and balance… even a bank account balance could be a part of the balance. Flow is money as well. But everything lined up and u don’t ever have to work another day in your life. To some this comes easy. I am beginning to do what I can that I know I can do but I wish I was more a part of this world and less on my own separate cloud over here. I rather be around ppl who are better than me, support me, get me, believe in me, want me to succeed, join in on the forces to make a winning. So bc I don’t exactly have that it leads me to think of the reality, I don’t have to necessarily doubt myself it’s more about facts. If this was easy money ppl would jump right in. I never thought money could be that easy like the money games ppl r playing. The distortion of value. The ways to invest, risk, to be a follower to a fib that feeds off your belief of a lie to sustain it. That wouldn’t be me, even if it was my idea and a great idea… it’s basis of importance is based off of everyone else’s belief in the lie. Similar to the art world but now digital. The power it gains depends on us and I’m not a follower, I’m also part rebel. I’m dumb not to play early on in the game but I forecast the BS, gambling really. 

But it’s the opposite of an equal to equal value. It’s an interesting invention. Mixed in with how illegal money can creep back into the monetary system. This is so crazy to me! When this was what was keeping them accountable, ppl paying taxes and shit? It should be easier and already done. And I’m not the only one who wants to live free and be happy. Let me meditate on this. 

Goodnight.