Hands Together 🙏🏼

Feeling infinitely prepared for the dreams about to be caught and wishes heard through prayer and whisper and even tho mistakes can happen I know that the good will outweigh the bad by mountains of angels to our rescue. Hopeful, kind, spiritually in tune and more than ever peaceful, positive and prepared. My internal changes are like a well w a pulley, and able to fly through the forgiveness, love and of course lots of strength. I’m also mad at myself for the mistakes I’ve shown, but I’m a learning human being who wants to be the best. It’s really tough and it is for all of the journeys. Guidance and love is the best medicine, a power we need to feel more of and never allow a single soul to lack. So reach out to who may be lonely. Love w your only medicine and befriend a stranger that you forgot you knew. They ppl right at your side are who you should meet. There is no coincidence. Try trusting. Stay happy for the greater vibe, for the good. Worry is a taste test you didn’t like so move on so quickly so that you can find where is your fav. Don’t do what I did, always train yourself to see the bright side and to honestly have respect. Find what you love and follow it. All is a miracle, save your soul from what dims your light. Feed it w good choices and thoughts. I’ve opened the door to forgiveness but haven’t found the key to love. Gods plan. Trust. Appreciate all that is. Divine timing is part of the math. Prayers…

Thankfull

I’m profoundly thankful like a bottomless well or something. Cheerful. Gleeful. I am dancing through life making others feel good as much as I can and every now and then I find myself on low energy unable to give as much of my over flow Bc I can get depleted and I can be tired but not want to sleep,,, like now lol. It’s 3am and I am in bed but I’m reading a book and it’s really good, my 3rd book in a month and this one is going to be a long one so it’s going to take time but I’m already inspired and excited by it. It speaks to me. For me a big thing is the writing and of course the topic. So I’m learning. And the channeling is something that might happen to me when I write and this writer for “The Artists Way” is speaking my language. I feel as though I’m growing into myself quite nicely and I like the majority of my choices. I have faith that I should just keep going Bc there is so much I want to do and I just have to do whatever makes me happy and what makes most sense to me and let God do his thing through me. I’m trying to get a lil out of the way of that. You have to really think sometimes but you also feel and you also have to really LOVE and that happiness and inspiration that comes of it that makes you glow is where it’s at. This book I was reading that I have JUST started said that. I want to travel and I want to love someone. I want to keep feeding my soul. I like spirituality and things and colors and people! I actually love ppl even tho boy do they let me down! Lol. I don’t care, let them do what they wana do! I’m totally fine. I’m thick skinned, I am also a happy alone type of person but I’m just saying I do feel like that is what’s missing. I recently met someone who I get a long w really well and stuff but isn’t “the guy” I want to get into a relationship with. I am just glad that there are ppl who I can get a long w so well that life feels effortless and that they make me feel good! That’s really important. Then I also ready that your soul mate will be a pain in your ass somewhere else LOL  

So am I everyone else’s soul mate? Jk. 

Anyway, I want to dance more. I like to dress up too. I just wana go places a lil and then also be home to read my books and do my home body time, I need to! I’m a introvert/extrovert. And I need to go innnn and create! I can’t just be out dancing every fucking night okay. I need to fucking balance and I am but it’s like so easy to unbalance this space ship! TAMBOLANDIA LOL 

So Run, sun, juice, personal care, nourish, read, love, connect, my dog, the planning, the goals, the lists, the calendar, the people, the moon, the downloads, the business, the growth, the progress, and the flow my dear. Don’t forget to keep dreaming! And the dreams will come true, they always do. THANK YOU.

The little games

I learned something new about myself and I always wanted to understand it. I noticed an accumulation of triggers and after the multiple incidents w different ppl I’d always find myself to be “right” in my way about why I chose to do what I did and that my Ultimate intentions were good. What I didn’t notice is that ppl are different and unable to understand for themselves or see outside of themselves enough and basically chose to either stick around, or not, or understand it or not and many ppl just aren’t so deep and have their reasons to take things personal as some sort of a personal attack and my personality also comes in and I show my emotions when it’s gotten to a certain level. Besides having some PTSD from certain incidents I’ve had or levels of what I’m willing and unwilling to put up with myself. I can have assumptions, I’m flexible to learn and curious to understand and get through to the next level IF I think you’re worth it. Also, my biggest lesson w all this is that I may POP but, sure it can be for a reason but their shouldn’t be any reason to pop I guess… Bc their is a better way of communicating. Of asking a question instead of thinking a thought and reacting based off of that. So it’s maturity. I do it all the time. It’s a constant in life to know what is the best way to handle things… but when I’m about to Pop is when I need to use it more! Not everyone understands how that may be a passionate way of showing my emotions, my deep felt thoughts, what’s important to me, the letting of emotions. But it’s going to help me to not react like that and try to be a more smoother line on a graph than one of lots of zig zags, mountains and valleys. It feels good to learn that Bc I think I finally understand it. :)

Crossed Fingers...

 I remember when I was a little girl and I would cross my fingers. I still do it. I remember those 80s textured walls I would scratch my limbs on. I remember that time I woke up upside down or something and couldn't find the door knob, instead I was trying to get out of the window! I remember the drying lines, the antennas, the manners I was taught and how quiet I was bc I was a sponge observing everything. I remember talking to my dolls bc what else do u do if not? I liked being the teacher. I did it w my dolls make believe and with actual kids I could manipulate during recess, I had my own ballet class! quite productive! but it wasn't always that way lol. I guess I like being a leader, I liked having the attention but it was also very pure, a little piece of popularity perhaps? none of it lasted too long. I had to make new friends a lot. I grew an attitude. I was just shuffled here and there and just absorbing the whole thing knowing id soon be thrown in a different direction again. I had a reason for being the way I became but nobody knew that part about me really. I believe ppl do want the best for us but the look holes, the gaps that don't allow for a match... its not a kids fault and its a life tampered with. everyone has a different story. So many variables, I wonder if the right way to go is as interesting. Kids in a class remind me of objects collected from diff parts. Another assortment, each a diff flavor, and spit balls, and time wasted... nobody seemed to know what they were doing. Even in college, so odd. By now I hope they do bc wasting  time wasn't solely the kids' fault, I think it was almost more the teachers. lol. Thats so terrible. I have these memories, so many ridiculous memories, stories, culture, societal lessons, places and things, unbelievable. I am just so grateful so have had the journey I had. Things take time, to make you the more mature you, ppl marry young, they have such real lives, we chose a career, a partner, and become a parent so many times so young! Naturally. Its more natural to make a beautiful mistake like that and yes it is a blessing. It gets harder to later in life I think. I am juggling w diff realities. Why can't he come and save me already LOL ;) Im not sure anymore. I have to really think about what I want. I realize that I am not truly firm on one idea cuz I need a partner I can feel supported, I believe in the dream... I choose to believe in it, I want to find real love, is it so? ugh But of course and I also want to hibernate like a bear for the whole winter. Pray for peace be with me. Cuddles xoxoxo

What’s the temperature?

I can speak Chinese, Bird Call, I feel for the dragon fly, I got someone upset, I’m just obsessed w Roxys warmth. I’m such a mother. Soooo lucky. Omg. Ya, good for u! Go for it. I’m good. I’m ok. I’m grateful. What else do u want me to say right now? Does that sound like… something… I didn’t like it either. My mom was 24! My Dad wanted it… he walked his pregnant woman on the beach at the break of dawn…really? And so now what? What about me? Have I become too vocal? I’m like allowed to be this way? Have I forgotten my manners? And will I ever learn? 

2022 Fashion Color Trends

 The Spring/Summer 2022 fashion shows and influencer street style has been quite the sight to see & its like “I CANT STOP LOOKING!” Being a fanatic of color I have really appreciated to see the unexpected combinations created by designers and the like, I am Obsessed! Complementary colors paired like I’ve never seen before that perhaps only the fashion forward would dare to pull off to the level that we have seen it. There are endless ways of creating a mix of colors that feels safer but still has the fresh edge of next season. As I’m studying what it is about the colors that’s new and refreshing to me I notice that its because of selecting colors from different color families or groupings to selectively put together. Like using science and art we are walking away from our classic rainbow which was all in Poppy/Punchy spring tone colors or all in rainbow pastels to now shuffling it up and making the colors be from different color families such as Earth tones and pastels mixed w a Neutral or two and then maybe adding a Pop of neon which jumps off even when used sparingly, because its loud, you domino need very much. Make sense? They each interact and relate with each other and because of each other they are receiving the light, like as if they have personalities and they are in conversation, each of the colors has a tone of voice and an energy vibration and together they are all special and do something quite magical and marvelous. 

Im seeing the color Chartreuse, Burnt orange brown, strong shades of Fuchsia, electric Lime green, conservative and classy Emerald, potent Indigo, Rich Purples and Plums, Vibrant Orange, Classic Aqua, and a beautiful Teal Green… you name it, I can’t think of a color that was excluded but the magic was in the combinations. The popular powder pink … and youthful details of Aqua kept things so fresh and interesting even as far as sometimes audaciously playful! It looked like a competition in fashion fun, the paparazzi documented a parade of street style in every Fashion Week city across the globe at our fingertips. With scrolls of eye catching colors that bounced off the screen and I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn’t get enough. I went through an addiction, feeding my brain with more and more endless photos of fashion ideas and innovative inspiration that made my heart jump up and down and of course leaving me unable to get even a wink of sleep. I even thought to myself if there was a way to turn my being online on private, since some were asking why I was still up. Yes that bad but that Good too! ;) So thankful for the incredible style the icons of today, pushing the envelope and making the effort to be bold in times of confusion, corruption, and despair. Like a sweet nudge of hope for next s/s 2022’s dreamy joyful and more pleasant days to come! 

Head to toe in Neutral Khaki was another alternative to speak of as well as mega more wearable for the masses. We saw it in Tan, Browns, Classic Black coming in strong and also some White/off white, even Gray was around, everyone was included and had an important part of making the other colors do their thing BETTER. Neutrals were also used with one select pop of color or with many  to bring a base or stability and each brought along its purpose as a warm or cool tone, Brown being warm and grey being cool for instance. When warm and cool colors were paired in an outfit they did things far more interesting than when played safe. It actually complemented it when it didn’t match bc it popped or vibrated! Our eyes are trained to see things that make sense and go well together but that’s a bit stale to see now so when its unique it makes us do a double take and wonder why we like it so much! In fact, we might stare for a lot longer.

A complementary color, in case you don’t know, is a color that is on the opposite side of the color wheel from the other color. Such as Red and Green, Orange and Blue, Yellow and Purple for example but those don’t sound like great color combinations do they? Well, what makes it interesting is when you take one of the two colors and you play with its tint or shade and you might add a little white to create a pastel or you might add a little black to darken it from a Red to a Burgundy or Pink & the green going Hunter green or a baby pastel green or the popular punchy lime green color that Pops like a neon or the more classic emerald green which is a safe and elegant bet for f/w season but now paired with maybe Lavender and Voila! This is the game for 2022 and it takes practice, courage & some extra planning. 

Neighboring colors like Blues with Greens & Pink and Orange, Purple & a Pink or with one of the many Reds were a thing too. Like people, neighbors were a good choice to sit together and be friends with. It was abundant in fun color options and variations  so have fun with combining your looks from the options in your closet and find inspiration in the color wheel. See what happens when the rules of color are broken and you might discover a whole new sense of gratitude for color, that makes them turn alive and cause a smiling sensation with those who get to see you in it.

Zombie

Been tough to manage relationships with people for whatever reason I feel like it’s not fair that I struggle w something I should be better at. It’s really frustrating, knowing how important it is to keep up the relations. I don’t deserve to have so many burned bridges. The feeling is isolating. I don’t want to damage them but it points to me unless everyone else is feeling this too. It’s just so important in life to have ppl “like u” and instead I can see that what I’m doing isn’t working. It’s such a game. The truth is not what ppl want. They want u to play the game! They want to be fooled even. I thought my way was better but obviously not! If I can’t do this right then it feels like I won’t ever be someone worth betting on. With a heart this big it’s like shattered to pieces it’s not even worth the gigantic effort. They don’t understand me I guess or somewhere there is a mistake. I can actually feel it. 

So I wore a gold chain mail top to finally go out the other night. It’s a 70’s original I got second hand from Fly Boutique and had in my closet and decided to wear it and get glammed up. Some guy, super cool and sweet picked me up in a 1940’s side car motorcycle and took me out. It was super duper special. We went to two places I had never been to before. I love checking out new spots. Funny thing is, I felt like it was this funny feeling to wear this super glitzy top when so many places and ppl are struggling so hard right now. For example Cuba now w Covid, etc etc. but I am struggling as well! I wore it bc I had it and I chose to pull it out. I didn’t just buy it brand new or something. It’s this strange after feeling that made me feel like I needed to explain this. How freaking annoying tho right? So it’s sorta my imagination that the judgments are incorrect … 

Always trying to help others and think of others is in my nature and it’s like the same can’t be expected back. I’m getting better at just moving on without getting stuck in the pain bc I accept that maybe I’m wrong and ppl r “busy”. I’m a loner anyway. But I put myself out there and then it gets used against me. It’s a good thing I’m strong enough to handle it. Only a strong person can tell all this knowing it just keeps backfiring and giving you guys more amo! I write about it bc it’s real and it’s the way I am currently feeling. I have feelings u know? There are ppl who do care about me and do show it. It’s not as easy as I want it to be! I am curious what I can do to change. The answers that come to me tell me that I should try being sober but I’m not SO extreme but it’s just the only thing I can think of to do. I’ve been procrastinating that bc life is so tough wo my coping mechanisms. It’s not getting any easier by the way! I know I do deep down believe in myself but if my success isn’t there anymore now to show for I must be doing something wrong, arent I? Well it’s a process. I’m doing so much yoga that that’s the only thing keeping me sane I think. Since im toxic and the patterns are mine, it’s like nothing is good enough for me yet. Im feeding my soul w spirituality, aligning my purpose, doing the work w morning and evening questions so that I live more conciously. Downloaded Audible and want to read more books. I spend time in nature. I eat healthy when I eat mostly very very healthy. I jog when I can. I don’t if I can’t and sometimes I do even hungover! I try to stay organized. When I work, I WORK. I think, I spend an entire night obsessing about a new project. It’s not normal. It’s actually gotten worse! I just don’t want to be such a pain in the ass to Look! Even myself! Lmao! This energy and desire to get it right or explain. It’s like I’m hurting inside. I need love but I’m unlovable at the moment. I can’t do it. I just don’t feel like myself, like I’m ready for anything like that. But I still need love. I’m trying to love myself I guess. I mean, I’m my own best friend. I’m going to get through it. I want to find the right person and I actually want to fall in love. If it doesn’t happen, fine! But I’m waiting and I hope that it does. I feel like it will and I have it in me to be happy. To feel so much love that is going to come my way. In the end, I’m a dreamer and have a lot of love to give. I am happy and easy going and fun and I don’t deserve this from a lot of the people. It’s shocking. But maybe I asked for this! It’s making me stronger alright! But it’s also adding to the internal monster. I’m not all this added shit on top that I now have. I was pure and good and the poisoning from the world is changing all of us. This is supposed to be more like heaven than hell. But I will keep lying to myself and stay positive cuz it’s only a fucking game and nobody cares. A Zombie Game.