I can catch but I GUESS I cant throw... NEVER AGAIN LOL

Today I went to visit my housekeeper Paola who is VERY VERY sick. My mom and I brought her and her two kids some sopa de pollo and arroz con pollo and platanos maduros and a big tortilla de patata. She went to Guatemala to try to bring her daughter here who is an amazing ballerina dancer to come here to study ballet, maybe here at the place by our house on Miami Beach which is really good. When she went through the airport or whatever they stopped her and she was then put in JAIL there where she said it was DISGUSTING and infested with the worst of the worst shit imaginable, idk. So finally a relative of hers got her out of jail and when she was on the plane headed back she was really really sick with an extremely high fever... she went straight to the hospital when she got back... now shes home and on antibiotics etc but still not perfectly well to start working again. My Mom and I did all that which took about the whole day to do bc in the end i didnt wake up as early as I wanted to... after writting on here I snacked and watched Hulu from my computer trying to get sleepy but Ive been taking these Cindy Crawford pills that have energy in them HAHAHAHAA. no, its the coffee probably, i switched vitamins to these other "Life" ones and they didnt help me get to sleep when I wanted to.

I have a tough time getting UP like feeling ALIVE in the morning. I'm NOT a morning person so even if I am up it takes me a min to really actualy be UP enough to have a serious conversation. It's hard when I have a mother who is a TOTAL morning person who LOVES to scream in the A.M. I hear her but I can block her out somehow. She even comes to my bed and lays on TOP of me and I can zone her out somehow, LOL.

After all that, I was going to go to some "artist" party going on at Cafeina an old frnd told me about... so I thought Hell, I should go bc I'm trying to make these contacts for this Sohostudios project where I need to see if some artists wana buy a booth for this market-like-idea-for-creatives... I am trying to get involved with. Then I get a call from a frnd saying that "They NEED a GIRL for this softball game at Flamingo Park..." So I think I can make it to both things which I do... but Cafeina was practically done once I got there so I call my boy up and we decide to go get some food instead...

We had a great conversation.
It lasted two hours,
over carpaccio with avocado and hearts of palm and parmesean cheese and lemon and a side of fries...
and ONE beer.
He had the chicken quesadillas and two beers.

The point is, I'm not gona lie... I said I wasnt gona drink which I'm NOT really but I had one beer...

I'll tell u why I had the beer...

bc We were gona go to Andiamo, the pizza place and they have MY FAV BEER called Local 1... and I really fuckin like it so I instantly thought of it... not of the feeling the ber gives me, bc one beer aint gona do shit... but bc I LIKE THE FUCKIN TASTE OF IT.

ONE.

So, maybe ppl r thinking, omggg... this girl... shes talking mad shit... she says shes gona stop... but she had one beer... omg... she cant stop... blah blah blah...
And thats fine, think what u will... but THATS ANNOYING.
Its annoying to lie about it, so I'm not, and its annoying to tell u about it bc of ur stupid reaction.
I am the one deciding this and when you yourself decide something for yourself... you have the right to change ur opinion... or not even "the right" but you just CHANGE YOUR OPINION for Gods sake... KNOWINGGGG, that your letting YOURSELF down, others down... etc... but also keeping in mind that like everything else, tom is a new day and your not gona see me wasted any time soon ever again.

So please spare me with those ridiculous thoughts.

Thanks.

P.S. I was home by 1:30am

P.S.S. I had a great night and played my first game of softball... where I could actually catch the ball!! just not throw it, LOL

Whats the point of this blog? TO SAY AND DO WHATEVER I FEEL FEELS RIGHT AND SHARE IT WITH WHOEVER CARES... its like talking to myself and keeping track of myself and my thoughts... This is just a stage I'm going through that needs to be vented out... bc I feel like its better to tell u I had a beer than have lied to u saying I wont ever again... I never said I wont EVER AGAIN! I said I'm saying bye to alcohol and getting WASTED from it... all the things that have happened to me and pulling me in the wrong direction and I am fully aware of it... so I am trying to do what is right for myself and I dnt want to feel guilty about anything... I dont now... I feel like I am being as honest with you as I am myself and the only difference is I KNOW THAT and you dont. Oh and that I LIVE WITH MYSELF and you dont!

I am proud of myself ;)

Goodnight.