Somethings I need to keep things to myself right? Well, I'll try to hold it in... I am having a painfully bad day today. I want to change my phone number. I keep getting annoying calls from strange men and letters from jail and IVE HAD IT! I called the operator to see if I could block a phone number from calling and they said I had to pay 4.99$ a month! why would I have to pay that to have a phone number stop calling??? i want that number to stop calling!!!! and I have to pay THAT! SO, they gave me a free month once I activate it which is another mission in itself to go online at my account blah blah blah and then I have to DEACTIVATE it lets say after that month when they get the point to stop calling me! Why when I ask PLS STOP CALLING ME DO PPL NOT GET THE POINT!? Im so frustrated! I also had my makeup stolen from out of my purse AGAIN, I tried to go to the salon just now to touch up my color and it was closed... arent salons closed on Mondays? it was just down the street but the sign said OPEN and then I parked, got out of the car and it was CLOSED, how bout that? My other friend just got married, its already like her second time! I havent even had someone I'm interested in in like 5 yrs!!!!! Ive had a lot of fun, Ive met a lot of people, I've shared good times and made good friends but nobody I picture myself to be serious with, no. The world seems like its moving right by me. Like im stalled and instead of like the rest I'm like a picture, like a photograph, like time paused in a capsule and everything that came before this seems like a dream and everything that comes after seems like a fantasy and all I keep getting is more sad at the realization that everything is so hard and sad, that the trueness is that everything dies around me. That life=death and that I rather live in a bubble when I said I never wanted to... but a bubble would protect me from whats out there bc i see everything as danger, as hazardous, ppl want to use u, want to bring u down, ppl want to get me drunk and watch me get old and ppl want to steal from me and its all about driving around in your car and spending money to refill your stupid tank when we shouldnt even be using gas and oil and its disgusting when Brazil uses corn for Gods sake! and these stupid cars speeding and running over my dogs and then I have to bury them across the street and then stupid ppl keep asking stupid questions.
It would be nice to try something new and adventurous right now.... I really want to go sky diving. I want to feel a huge rush like that. How could we throw ourselves out of planes?? LOLOL its hilarious! wouldnt u say?? I rather think of that than all the other stuff i just mentioned,,, sorry,,,, just had to let it out!
I want to go do a pilgramige and walk for miles and speak to Yogis and drink their magic potions and meditate and do exhilirating things and sweat out all the hate. I think our society is a piece of shit and that cops are all corrupt and perverted. I think that the ladies that run the jails are rude and hate their lives and that the lowwest of the loww ppl that go to jail deserve a more positive experience so that they come out with a clearer head than they came in with bc they are getting POURED back into our society and they are worse than they were when they did something wrong in the first place. I think that jails should be like SPAS and should play music and be happy and if they would use pencils and pens as weapons that at least they should give them paint to finger paint a wall or themselves and then they could laugh. I think they deserve warm water and some respect. I think everything is about money and it makes me sick... it makes me want to live on a boat or an island and give up on being a part of this at all.
Think about little naked babies running around and their little butts and their little smiles with no teeth! Thats what we all were at one point. Why cant we understand that and remember that when we deal with these issues in a court room LOL why cant everything be more pleasant. Why dont i want to get out of bed? why cant i fly like a butterfly? why cant we go back in time and fix our mistakes? why cant i have a whole room full of puppies with out having shit and piss in their too? hahaha why cant i do endless kartwheels with out ever getting tired? why does everything have to come to an end? why dont i want to hold your hand? why do i put myself through so much agony? why cant we all be happy?
I still want to dye my hair PINK,,, I think it'll be fun. I think it will make me happy to look in the mirror and look like a sanrio character LOL
I am tired and i feel the gravity on my face and shoulders! how do pretty delicate flowers not feel that too?
I dont want that much, i just dont want to cry anymore, i dont want to be so confused, i used to be so strong and confident and now all I want to do is help people bc i feel for them, i dont even want to help myself! I already know what to do and all i can do is try and all i can keep looking at is the bright side and all i can ask for is the sun and the Earth to keep moving and the oxygen to keep flowing and to take a simple breath and when i release to let all the bad stuff out and take another breath in and pretend it smells like gardenias! and slowly let it out and think of my heart and how I mean well and that everything in life will be ok and things will turn out and happy that AT LEAST I CAN DREAM.
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