“My secret weapon”

All these weapons r inspiring me to make them cut out shapes from vinyl that I have and to be fun w the colors, like collage,,,, and just putting them on a simple bag or even just as plain fabric art to frame. The old fashioned weapons r like our warrior spirit and even tho we don't need an actual weapon it's such a cool design to have on the outside of a bag. Simple yet symbolic of our history of the ancestors we came from and how they fought and survived for us unique souls to be here. What we carry in our purses might be makeup and cellphones now but look how far we have come and a reminder to be strong and still own that warrior spirit which primally still exists in us. A simple bow and arrows triangular top, the horizontal striped decor on a rectangle/cylinder, the feather end, the direction we place it on the bag. Just being able to make art that says something to me and simplifying all the work it takes to make something powerful and that we can all relate to. The Tribal tone, we are to be a gathering of a group, we are now so separated but we were always together in tribes, groups to be lead and w rules we followed. The respect and dedication we had to believe so strongly that we had to conquer... the rulers convinced us of this for their personal gain and that is how anything was accomplished. Now we have free spirits and we know fighting isn't the answer, we have evolved to now know we don't need to kill to continue, even to eat. We can tend to our gardens and eat peacefully the fruits from the treees without the lie we were told to need to murder. We are peaceful warriors and we need to come together ourselves at this time. For the greater good, to be inclusive, to very importantly take care of ourselves and each other and so we use pretty nice things like lotions, perfumes, a scarf to tie around somebody's neck to keep them warm. It's all these soft feminine things that we will survive from, the love! The phone can pay our way, we don't even need our wallets! The lipstick to enhance our confidence and lean towards what we say is sexy! What a polar opposite! A pen perhaps, a notebook bc we still should write things on paper. Not to totally trust the technology is a side note. Does it ever expire? I think our info that's been uploaded over time looses resolution. That's what I think. The cloud, will it rain our words mumble jumbled? That fear of the stuff crashing LOL can we look at it crash like a wave so we can pick up words like shells on the sand. Or can words grow from trees? The time it takes to form the word, like a slow game of hangman... they will fall,,, what sentences can we create? Just my imagination... we want positive words right? No negative ones? Or will it be smart enough to be balanced? Or creative enough to pick words from far away pasages. From MIT grads to kindergarden. There we go! Kinder Garden LOL just the wonderful game of words. So magneto I got them to the tree trunk, we make sentences, they might look like scrabble, it's our choice, like free will, and don't be afraid to make a mistake... mistakes are inspiring too, or maybe cause a laugh. So what if we can make new games out of life? Since supposedly we can do ANYTHING!?! We have to play, we have to have the ideas bc the computers themselves won't. We have to teach the computers to not think like us but to think like we want them to think! We are here to make heaven on Earth! So including nature, and adding laughter and expanding our brains,,, how else could we do it? There is no limit. Only the limit we create in our minds. So I will keep dreaming of the things that perhaps I cant do myself but I know now, there are ppl like Edison who can and so stretch the jail bars and use them to our advantage. If our hands can karate chop and break things we wouldn't normally believe, and Norma's become Marilyns and Audreys are forever... what should we do to make the best things come alive and timeless!?! Put it in a painting sure, but we can also make it happen now with printers... start small, we don't want too much clutter lol how can we do things best? Write them down, draw the design, come back to choose which one is BEST! And after we do it, we will always add an ED at the end... won't we... we will do it and as soon as it's done it will be done and part of the past along w so many others. It's a beautiful thing to make dreams come true and it's the future now... now is never NowED... it's always here! And so is he! So believe it! Dream it! And let's be intelligent and precise and work w each other. Amen! A good man in deed. Thank You Edison ;) for making the world a better place. We wish you were here to make it easier!!! Let us begin! ✨💞❤️💞✨

A special kind of Hug.

I found a treasure chest of research and now I feel re-aligned w myself. It wasn’t the “plan/budget” I’m supposed to be working on but it made me feel so stupid that I ever was going to give up w so much and honestly the inspiration is SO CLEARLY directing me to do what I need to do... just keep going. The way to gain momentum is w a team... that’s the thing, alone it is not easy, it’s harder to get it all going bc this stuff takes time, patenice, order and a better system... investors, but Team is everything. I have been getting this feeling to throw in the towel and it’s like I lost my inspiration. I found it and now I’m not sure how to hurry up and start so I gave it a lot of thought tonight and prayed. I feel really connected to the stars and angels helping, guiding, protecting, and keeping me positive deep deep inside. The next questionable step is what I can study to join the healing tribe and find a different kind of calling, one I haven’t had time to allow myself the time. 

I love you I love you I love you Life. I know the most of my suffering is now behind bc the interpretation is elevated and I’m feeling more clear. I didn’t want to forget an important thing the other day but I did, it just wasn’t meant to be. I need to figure out a path, plan, vision board, ... I think the duality inside is affecting and a problem. From Hibiscus Island to... never mind, it never starts there... it ends there and it makes me think. Like maybe my dreams aren’t big enough. Maybe I know, all I need is to get my dreams aligned and stay smiling. I need a special kind of hug. 

Where to Begin Again...

 Where to Begin... 

Taking a deep breath to forgive myself for the mistakes. I keep dropping balls, shooting myself in the foot and making unnecessary drama when I mean well ... but I see the word mean and why do I have to live in this circus? Even if most of the time I like it. I think I might be taking a silly circus route and nobody to blame but myself. We change and I am like the only child left who can't grow up like I guess I wanted this, until it becomes a sort of nightmare to think that its really like this. So, Spider web... I was reading about the animals teachings from my Native American Medicine cards... I picked 3 cards and before I do this I ask for energy and guidance,,, for the cards to give me a message that I need to hear. I have gotten to this point where I do good but the mistakes are over powering my path, I am affected by my own fears, my emotions are what LEADS me and Im not able to be a functioning adult in society bc I just know that I am not actually living like one. This is a problem but I thought it was one I could continually get away with and Im noticing that its actually just the bare facts of reality and its part of the growth process of me, the obstacle I need to surpass and its like growing pains, a baby crying his eyes out never truly solves anything for us adults. I am misguided. I am looking for certain results in all the wrong places. I am riding the wave of, how long can I get away with this for like a toddler does to see where r his boundaries. Just like that. Im really worried and im aware that this is just part of why everything in my life is the way it is right now. I don't know if im living in the past, present or future... I just see the time going by and its taking me some time to get organized again to create... I have a method, im inspired, im happy, im going off here and there but im catching myself and trying to be my awesome, beautiful, generous self BUT I am not really doing some major things right. Something is wrong, im losing my temper w family & friends, doing things I don't think anybody "normal"/ in there right mind does, and its all from being led by emotion, thinking thats right and noticing that even tho I want to be that way, it has its repercussions. I am losing touch w the balance of life, my feminine side, simple life tasks are difficult, im pushing ppl away, but I wanted to set my boundaries. This 2021 was about that for me and eliminating the clutter and im really tired of friends that aren't my friends really. So, Its also my truth. I just know I have some issues and I am not getting the proper help to structure the path yet I am also unable to stay truly trying to do my end and many times just avoid simple things. I am using the excuse that Im an artist for example, not to check my email. I am pretty embarrassed actually. Im pretty over myself by now. LOL. but Im trapped! This is the shelter and life I have created! I have the skillset that I have bc I have chosen to do/avoid such and such to get exactly here. I have stuck energy in places of my body like lower back, one hip, right shoulder, neck, a little belly I accept about my physique, letting go of myself in ways like I am forgetting to drink enough water, forgetting to eat certain meals, the gray hairs are growing and I am letting them show. I don't feel the need to do my nails. I am in a weird place personally. I am trying to shift gears. I am not sure if its ok or not but Im feeling off bc Im not as busy and in demand as Ive been in the past, lets say. Also, I am not sure of my path, my relationship, my friends are not enough for me, my career is feeling stale, I am not easily satisfied and Im worried. I dip into depression but also avoid giving myself a chance to truly feel and wonder why im off kilter>? Its bc im self medicating and have fear sometimes, and anger maybe? I don't feel like Im there tho,,, I am also past those feelings so another part of me feels and is convincing myself that im all good. but If I was all good then life would be bringing me to better places and things that match my vibe, my authentic self is maybe not what Im putting out. Im babysitting myself and wondering if its better to be someone else. I know Im not superior but sometimes my character acts like it. I make my choices and think ppl will understand, I mean well but I have a very strong mother as role model and she isn't the softest feminine woman type and what im trying to say is I need to say this, I need to honor the male as the warrior at my side and Im sometimes getting negative and I don't want to be like this. I know I may be bossy but I Need a strong man who will be my balance here and I want to feel the masculine power and I want to respect that. I need to also be at a place to receive that. Im being critical, Im so flawed to attack others, Im aware of it and I am witnessing the patterns. The hurdle to surpass this is connected to Fear and I lack courage where it may be most important. Im quite lost w how I can deal w my personal shit bc Im missing key components to make my human adult self, self sustaining. but Im older now and Ive basically lost time and avoided things or focused on a detail instead of looking at the big picture of how to survive. I thought I could get away with staying me... well, no, not really, not to grow and live like to pass the level of this life. I feel like I made so many mistakes and I want to be a Mother but might miss the calling bc Im not mature enough, responsible enough, ready... and everything I want is so convoluted w the exact same opposite too that defies the importance, the needle on the compass is going bonkers trying to figure out which way im trying to go. All the opposing exists within as I obviously can't decide what I stand for truly, and its just the nature of this incredible game we call life! The object of the game is to Find Your Happiness! Anything is Possible and your the only one creating the barriers of where impossible resides. I am my worst enemy, I am able to do all the things necessary but I choose not to bc Im either lazy or childish waiting for a boundary to be set, something to happen that ends the road im on, I guess. I am not sure if this is the path im supposed to be on. like free will lead me to the wrong place and now if I will end up in the same place maybe it will be harder for me to get there. I feel like Im destructive to my own self and im never satisfied like that Prince song and maybe im just like my mother. But my mother found my father you see, and so im not even close, Im feeling alone, unequipped, embarrassed to say it, angry that its like this, aware that the truth is so large and hard for me to reach and at the same time don't give myself the proper chance bc I am looking for fun too damn often, not disciplined enough to finish anything I start, and giving up is ok bc im lost, lonely, afraid, feel like ppl don't even want me, I feel like Im just not as busy w a family as everyone else I know and so maybe im interpreting this whole damn thing wrong too. This life is to learn as much as u can and be great to one another to find fulfillment and love, , , what im doing wrong is my stupid problem and how I continue and deal is another... surviving is another layer all together and I think I need a plan, a couple friends, a little love and to maybe volunteer. If things get worse I will move to Europe or Mexico. walking away from everything isn't the way to go just yet. Bless This House, Bless this soul, Bless us all, Lots of Love <3