Thursday, December 12, 2013

Light a candle in my name...

Im not a fashion blogger obviously, not on this platform anyway, I think Im just too interesting for that. Fashion and art to me are my passion but thats not all I am. I wanted to share that I went to a Psychic while I was in Miami and I was really happy this time with what I heard :) She read my Tarot cards and had some insight on the side about how next year would be a better year for me! I know we have all been waiting for this blog to turn more positive LOL. I am super positive lol I just analyze and share the difficult moments for they atre where I find interest in learning and happy times are happy so why would it be a problem? I dont have time to write about all the happy things that happen... I have way too many ;) So, the lady told me things that she knew like that I had gone to have some issue be resolved and that I never followed through with the procedure. She was totally right! I had gone to a woman when I was completely distraught and asked her to cure me and she gave me some steps to take and do where I would get some water from the ocean and some seaweed and some rose petals and blah blah blah take a bath and then bring her back the seaweed but it sad in my car door for days in a paper bag dry and then I said forget it, I just felt weird doing all this. I paid a lot of money too! So this time its been like over 5 years now and this woman had all good news but she said I have a gray shadow over me and to pay her of course $250 to remove it. Why of course! Well, of course they want $ first of all and second of course I have some gray fucking shadow over me but I am doing now better than ever! Maybe I am used to the grayness LOL. gave me her card, i never went back. Then TODAY I literally get stopped by a lady who says she can feel such a strong energy from me, she was in a silver mercedes w a man and she literally asked if she could talk to me and asked if I had ever been to a Psychic which now looking back I wish I asked her what she felt from my energy FIRST instead of tell her that the other lady saw a grayness! Bc that was like biting the hook for yes your grayness... bla bla bla lol I honestly laugh at these things but I kinda like them lol... I like spiritual stuff and all that bla bla bla w crystals and bla bla bla... im bla bla bla, we are all living in the bla bla bla LOL. so anyway, the lady pulls out huge crystals from her trunk that I noticed werent very CLEAR and clean so I got a bad first feeling about her... dont show me ur dirty crystals woman! She also showed me a Chakra candel with all the colors it was really big but she said for me it would be a bigger one and not one but three! past, future and present, OK. What I first noticed is that when she first looked at me putting a grocery cart back in its place she was looking at my shoes and they look like designer but they are actually from Target! Im aslo wearing a pretty blinged out crystal necklace! CHA-CHINGG $$$$ dollar sign eyes another words! lmao. the guy in the front seat was fat, very fat, she had terrible skin, and I really think this one might be fulla shit and she said her price to remove this would be $375 and I told her that the lady in Miami said $250 and that she COULD do it by phone! Now I wana get this done by a professional and none of these ladies. The lady then also said that if I dont do it in the next 3 days that my Chakra will CLOSE!!!! ummm why didnt anybody come to me in the past 10 years??? This is not the right timing and I thought I was doing great lol??? I do know I have a gray thing on me,,, my heart in my chest feels tight and squeezed at times... she said Im not loving like I can and that I dont even know what it is to be happy yet, um Im not. but Im not sad anymore so I felt like I could carry on... turns out she told me this is coming from a MAN... my eyes got big. The other lady said I have somebody near me who is very jelous and a woman... obviously these ppl could all be a bunch of balony phonies and probably are but now I want to go to somebody GOOD and have this process done for real... so tomorrow is my last day of finals... I need to be focusing on that but just wanted to get this BS off my chest ;) >GRAY GET OFF ME.< light a candle for me. love, Tammy

Friday, November 29, 2013

I wish u the best...

I've missed u all. I've been the new T but the new me is always at the end me tho.. I don't want to let anyone down I just Wana hold u all up if I could and I can try so why not try harder? I don't want to mention the ways ur unsure of believing in me I want to bring u to this cool place I know that is warm and full of love but believing in life is too generic. Where r my friends when I need them? I'm not interested in my questions answer... I want to hold ur hand and not kiss u but kiss whomever I feel like... The current of the sea is the heart to everything we know. I am concerned with  the current I am giving off.. The rhythm might be mine but I look into the eyes of my best friends and they look dark and I blame myself cuz I know I'm not the equivalent of what I project. I am in part to blame for the worlds disregard for whatever and I'm blowing kisses when nobody is looking. I am more sensitive than u know and I'm an example for what u shouldn't try to be. I just am. I am loving u at the same damn time. I am happy and then some since I didn't want to be home this late.. I'm not paid enough. I'm living in the ego maybe bc I just see myself saying me me me and yet I'm not me in the end enough. I still feel like I let ppl down when I try so hard not to. I try harder than most ppl bc what it truly takes is caring more about urself.. Yea so that my excuse. But I told myself I would try to not have excuses anymore, I said that tonight, I can say things but Yes I Do mean them but they don't come out the exact way since I maybe want a lot! A lot all at once, I'm entertaining but not quite deep enough.. I mean I want u to be happy and for urself and then for me but the happy wish is always true cuz I'm happy so much I just also suffer and want to hold the world up on one shoulder. I don't have a good shoulder. I feel like my grandmother is this woman who is perfect bc I knowwwww how perfect we all are bc of her and she deserves me to show her the love I keep inside for her but also I think about my grandfather, continuously! I am in a place in life where stuff is more real than it ever was! Like I'm to blame for the mistakes in the whole entire world bc I don't and never could justify this segregation. The way we are all kept so separate and today was Thanksgiving so coming together was sooooo needed and I witnessed all of our efforts. I want to be a woman who makes a big effort. I want to be able to raise a family like strong woman do generation after generation. Bc I have my doubts about the way some of us have thus far and I have doubts in generL and I have belief also in what amazing things can be done. I want to be like that bc I believe I can. U are the world and I am just in it. I am OK. I don't want to let ppl down! I want to be able to hold it all together like my grandmother does and did and my aunt Linda tries so perfectly hard and my godmother Deedee might feel like she could blame me for acting out the way I HAv and that's giving off the wrong msg to our youth and the entire time I didn't mean to be a bad example at all! I always mean well. I care. I suffer. I love. I wish. I pray, I love tho and want better things and have a dream! A dream that we would all not cheat each other, be happy and good to one another, that life would be a platform and that our future births of children would outsmart us and teach us the new and better ways of life that exist and that w that movement we could be powerful enough to all come together strong and powerful enough as one to lead us away from the temptations and into the puzzle future we create for ourselves in not only our dreams but our deep hearts and soul. I ask the power Gods to reach out for us and give us a push in the right direction when so lost we beg for. The ocean won't drag u the right direction always and the boat won't last forever but u right now are the most beautiful and well deserved thing that's unknown. Alone is for a reason I guess. I wish u the best.

Monday, November 4, 2013

The 5Rhythms... Flowing The fluid, continuous, grounded glide of our own movements. Staccato The percussive, pulsing beat that shapes us a thousand different ways. Chaos The rhythm of letting go, releasing into the catalytic wildness of our dance that can never be planned or repeated. Lyrical The rhythm of trance, we lighten up and relax into the patterns and repetitions of our lives. Stillness The rhythm of emptiness, where gentle movements rise and fall, start and end, in a field of silence.

Friday, November 1, 2013

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sweeping Floors...

Hanging Hula Hoop

This thing worked miracles on my back when I used it... I didn't know what I was doing but at one point in the beginning I was wearing my orange/red coat the color of one of those parrots and I started making that sound bc I seriously felt like a parrot perched on that thing. I wish I had one! I was able to hang and arch and  bend in unusual ways that felt pretty incredible to my joints and muscles. This isn't the best pic of the night on this but I like that nobody else's face came out in it. Spending today in bed, last day off in a while and I'm feeling like I deserve it since I always do things even when I'm not lol. Last night I cooked up a storm for guests and took them out w me and we got home early at 11pm it was great to be able to go home and bust up a midnight snack and watch some TV before going to sleep again. I felt invincible lol. I wish wishes came true more easily but everything takes it's time and energy so focus. Retrograde started again but I won't let it stop me from pushing for my pace. Here in this picture I was able to let go and trust my body to be balanced, the next thing I did was kick up my legs to wrap them above the top thing so I could hang like monkey bars and it slowly turns around in circles for everyone to see, your abs need to get u there... U have to push and even pull with your arms, then let go so your arms are on the bottom bar and u can use that to twist it around u, so that the bar in your hands is in front of u and behind u by what side of your head. You have to move and feel it out. Just like life, u can't stay in one place too long, life is movement, growth, persistence, always moving fwd. From here u can just go to he next place, the following step that feels right. And etc, etc.

Friday, October 18, 2013

we hold eachother up...

My computer is going crazy... I should pretend this is my last post! I should tell u and those who care that nothing is but what u make of it... that your as grateful of a time as you dive to become the moment in tha time... that all u have is time, that time is nothing, hat u are special and appreciated. My computer is not being something one wouldnt notice, threfore its making its mark, on my lap, very much so, through temperature and sound and feel and weight and even smell and the sound is huge! not like the silent blogger type... its a different comotion going on here,, have u heard?>?? didnt think so... ur tropoo consumed in ur self ur things arent even treherr... I bite a sour apple CRUNCHHHHhhhm

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Wait A Moment.

My last post got deleted so I went on strike w the truckers... I haven't shopped since gas and I'm on empty but I'm not going anywhere, yet. I'm still in shock about last night. I went to a party finally (I never do) and I swept up the floors after as a favor... But bc I just had to in my BM nature kinda way. I am like that but I did it to a bunch of assholes who needed it in a way... I heard I'm sexually frustrated from some of those dickhead guys and that's exactly what makes my pussy tighter... The power to be like look and u all and how many dumb sluts u get, u ain't getting this that easily... I just think it's literally revolting to think about. It's so sad. It's funny. It's gay. It's whack. It's cheese. It's still not cool w me. I am like a punching bag for fools sometimes bc -everything comes back to u I guess- I also get so much laughter and freedom and creative routes surround me... I am just silly and shy I guess 
For this strange moment.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Another day in paradise

Hi im back. im wearing a blue, royal blue, cashmere sweater, a lot of love in my heart and chest andface and everywhere and hair and love and everything and every and i will now keep moving on... i miss u] fuck i always say that!!!! I just type! i dont mean it towards anyone specific i just miss ppl i swear top God i swear i miss ppl that i dont even hve A face in mind! I have been like awayyyy from everyone! always tho... no guilt trip here AT ALL... i chose this... i am super happy! Guys I swear I am happy... I hate that u r all so confused about me lol. life goes on. like life needs a plug in w all this amazing shit and everyone needs to realize... im here and MOVE OUT THE WAY lol jk... im just over these ppl/... im gay now. now we r all gay and happy :) :) :) :) yay we r really are. I am such a bitch who needs to be fired... how am i still alive? No idea... i dont mean it... like why dont i have things to say? well i could, i do, i just do this,,, maybe to show u how stupid it looks like, maybe, maybe shit, darn. I ask the same questions.................. JUST LIKE THE ONE..... ACTUALLY SINGING>>>> AND THE DAYS GO BYYYY>>>> AGAIN ......NOTHING ELSE MATTERS>>>> NO MOREEEE>>> BABEAAAAYYYYY>>> SEEM BROKEN HEARTED>>>> seventeen... just like the... OOOOhhh baby babaaayyy oooh babaayyyy oooo go again TOMORROW yea yea hauntingly familiar fire melody nothing else matters actually singin

hello, i love u...

birds r in the sky... you know how i feel... ITS A NEW ... YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL>>>>>> Its a new dawn, a new day, a new life,,,...... I hope your feeling GOOD :) dragonflies, butterflies.... thats what i mean... this whole world .... FOOOORRRRR MEEEEEEEEEEEEE Think about it a bit.... its all yours.... do what you please PLEASE. Stars...u know how i feel all them things,.... u know,, i know, how i feel... a new day a new life a new dawn a new life for meeee and im feeling GOOD. feel it. feel feel good like a cat kinda I am supposed to be talking about things that truly matter, right? I know that. What r u talking about? with friends i mean? r u guys cool over there? lol i doubt it. i worry about u guys, u know... i mean if ur on point then i worry about how im not collaborating w u guys... you guys need to open up to color to stop being so constricted like a boa strangling your neck how bout that? u like that? u get that u might deserve it. who knows. im not imposing im not confused ive been ive grown we all move on your gay you know right? im talking to u and your gayness im not being mean... if u think i am its the problem that u will carry on whatever blog u choose to read. u need to let that go let the attack be and feel it like less of an attack... more of a love punch decide then how u want to interpret it now im gay... for getting u this thus far raf suht siht... almost almost so much energy and love is there ha love is stronger ha love is idk i dont think anything STOP im not on anybodies side im just perceptive im just thinking u guys r all REAL FAGS ;) Im such a bitch... thats why this isnt a REAL blog... bc i find that i rather talk to myself publicly than be like the way that is now depicted as suddenly making sense, ppl verbal dhiarrhea on fashion, ppl w who knows what story, ppl that r SERIOUSLY SEARCHING FOR ... (social acceptance?) when i read that I think of ME of course... like social acceptance also lies in the rebellion of certain things... i never copied anybody tho. i seriously suffer... from being a WACKO BARBIE DOLL... but thats just a silly way of putting it. I dont have all the answers but I rather express what i know than hear some asshole talk about shit im OVER hearing... ppl have a right do what u want im an asshole retard all the time but im just trying to figure out... figure out how much i love u. i figured that i have so much love to give and so much inevitable anger but not the angry kind... just a communicative I dont like myself as much as u might think. i make fun of myself i am a tool for fun times for absurd routes into the unknown... im ok im alive im just not gona do THAT that way bc now its ompossible anyway... but im too beautiful to stop. i need to SHUT UP NOW. this is the kind of shit ppl dont understand. im sorry. i am sorry.... i am sorry... Rhianna can suffer never having been sorry for shit... this girl will get it... IN THE ASS... then be sorry. sorry sorry omg fuck that bitch how retarded is that lesson... ok like dont be sorry for anything... its a part of the past... um no. sorry isnt a big deal... sorry is forgiving yourself... you must. I dont think im a genius. i am just a part of this generation. i believe u too, ur side if u feel stronger about it pls share it w me... im not smarter than u r. i think about u. i wonder i dont say shit and feel like im stepping on egg shells... thats something i just dont do BUT i am aware and always expecting a reaction i am listening. hello i love u.

Monday, October 7, 2013

Oceans / Gulf

BP ignored and covered up w this Gulf incident? Yup... Look it up. #science #Guf #oil #cleanup #governmentcoverup #Conscious #2012 #2013 #2014 "self replicating organisms" #oceanfloor #disaster

Friday, October 4, 2013

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Balance the Power

Feel like I should say a little something about forgiveness... I think it's healthy to make it short and sweet if u can cuz things can be hurtful or take up years to move on from. It's not worth the resentment and the grudge to even have an urge to wish something bad upon them when what is that? It's the lowest level of consciousness right there to not put each other on pedastools. Gnight

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Diary of a Girl

I'm not feeling well, I feel like I'm on another team, one unknown, stand alone. I love to write, maybe structure is important. I hear footsteps on the gravel but the type that r mysterious like sneaky spy's out my window. I look for a breeze the way it swayed before and they think I'm not looking so I see it still instead. Like the Truman Show in a bubble.. I don't want to be ur source of entertainment, maybe I'm delusional, but I hear footsteps... What do they want from me? The one who sways a tree to make it look real is not on point and the shadows r more honest honestly. I don't want to be a source for entertainment... I don't want to know u even, I know ur all in this, world, you know... Grey Gardens... I rather be out of this world.

Sage & Sound

A sound sucker so instead of speakers projecting sound a way to control sound for it to be silent. Like a silent bathroom break or wripping magazines w no sound  or banging drums in silence but feeling the vibration so that u can feel more than hear or a club that u can put ur phone to u and w an option the song is gone and u can still dance in delight about how u have the power to choose not to hear it. Wo disturbing others's wishes and happiness in that they r happy there where u left them. 
Safe & Sound.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

It's a new day! Everyday :)

A field of grass or a long horizon of beach whatever the background may be... The canvas is everywhere now I was thinking what should be 3D printed? I have an idea and I'm doing it tomorrow! Anne Marie got inspired by our talk about art... I feel like I have to manifest more and so that's the process their is no debate here... Going to make some BIG things and I'm starting the experimentation process starting tomorrow! Fabulous, riding the wave of life, I had thoughts about how we all have to be somebody or do something but that I just want to BE... And only if your GREAT can u really just BE ok... So great is what we r shooting for now. I used this space like a trash can at times to throw up the words and be bananas peeled but now we r picking up the pieces and moving foreword... It's the BIG PICTURE that really counts... I have to say that the amount of LOVE I have for my dog right now sleeping next to me is overbearing... It makes me feel larger than life and so grounded to be here for this little teddy bear creature... It's a dog... I don't have a baby yet but I know I'm right on time anyway. So I'm a mom, to my girl, she doesn't cry or wine and she can't speak or complain but she does bite. She does talk I guess, she cares a lot. I really love her so much. I'm doing this for u Roxy! For all of the people to feel like they are loved this much by a God who speaks about them this way while they sleep. They have no idea but it's all happening. Deep Breath of love... Warm fuzzy cozy w a breeze Love... May our exhales create an invisible blanket of LOVE for us all. Good night.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Closed eye type

Songs in your head r interesting... 
Then credits projected after ur lil moment. 
You don't need to grow up, just be better cuz babies r us. I do it for the kids!!
The chanels I don't have need to disappear w a button. Complicate or lazy ass who just wants to make things non NON.. To get sales... Sell me something that makes sense already!
Or help me save it and sell me a trip... Something I can come back and say that girl at there is worthy of my effort for positive push in career and what least I could back which is reliable and consistant... I am cheating slightly by saying that... It's cuz it's what I'm lacking. But what I'm lacking and if u have there some talent then I can vouch for being a 

I don't like the home shopping network but I can see we have very little unless u buy the other channels... Don't even matter.
Matter of fact... 
Remote was an extension of me and since 3yrs or so now I am in a sort a revolt. I let the control be there, it's controlling to know its there, I won't control it tho.. But I control everything else. I don't like to control the music. I get so mad at myself... I don't have my hw done. U do. Get a life so u can be HAPPY! 

Right after I say happy and do another thing I look at happy n feel like it's not a pretty enough word... I take it back... I think happy is so cute and short and 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


A fly buzzing about..., in Holalulu 
The captain in his uniform,
Get off at the next stop...
"That's my ship! I'm the captain!"
We boarded and we were friends..
The crew
They all came to see me...
Yes, I LOVE the Navy!
Your not getting a dishonorable discharge
Your getting an HONORABLE discharge.
(I got two!)
Che Alatorre 

just some ppl to OPEN MIND to...

Thursday, September 5, 2013

I don't make that sense so make something else instead..

I would like to hold hands with the mental concept we share.. Or just hold it regular.
Ice, rice, water, nice
Dust dew dark 
I don't think it's understandable 
Not one but two, attempted Thank You's
Pls be happy pls be kind
...share the wine
Holy Ghost
Quite undressed 
We reflect that great success
I have so many things to do
And love to constantly give u

Certain things are quite apparent
Like a glass shell 
With spikes
I just left to leave it there
None existent love affair

Blow a kiss w eyes that meet
Taste the future 
And how sweet
To be this humble this unfair
This tarantula has fake hair!
All dressed up in his costume

Bear the whiskers which dig in odor
Be aware of breaking pact 

Thursday, August 22, 2013