Saturday, December 15, 2012

Well then..

U just might have it covered

Truly Tams

Laying in my closet, like some strange girl might do not in a bad way but def a strange way... All this clothes, it must cover up the simplicity of life.. We got ourselves here but boy do I love to wear the right outfit and no the same one practically never; that's me. It's almost like a fashion blogger except I look like shit most of the time ;) well I'm a lot like u, I'm normal. I'm lazy, I'm about comfort... I have an idea... A way to control the speed of songs on our iPhone like a DJ would... So u can make any song correspond to what mood u need, what pace ur walking.. We deserve it all at our fingertips. I also need a dispensary for the dog food and a timer drop into the dog plate for Roxy to have a scheduled life I get over songs bc I listen to the one I love a million times. I don't even know why I have a blog, who cares.
I'm never alright I guess if I keep being like this cuz this isn't who I Wana be but it's not an internal problem, it's an external frustration I think. I've wanted an advisor or a mentor but never got one, imagine. The song playing matters so much cuz now it's CutCopy and I feel like I'm ok again... It's all so superficial.. Shooting spring summer in December and acne patients taking acutane and Botox to freeze your forehead and thank you sorry excuseme it's all very time consuming so yea maybe we should look inward... But the stuff is all created by us supposedly to help us too not just to make money but to become an expert and have the option for the things u may want or need and it's all about finding out who's best, who cares and and not ripping one another off by selling antibiotics to cure a disease but by giving the proper advice and maybe it's about knowledge but then it's also FREE TO BE THE HAPPY YOU.. Like the beach and hiking and eating raw and then your glowing so u get hired anywhere u want cuz it's all in your head. Your head is a compass I've always said. Your head is a compass not a thermometer cuz it's not about what temperature u like its about where ur headed so u sacrifice the now for what is best to get u then there but pls eat a cupcake (my god or nobody will like u) it's a "zag" they say Tony _______ and he also recommends colonics LOL. I can't say it. I'm still in my closet. Went to Yoga yest. TAMBO truly <3

Monday, December 10, 2012

dont read this pls...

Tired of myself even though that sounds negative but its who I live with and she has a tendancy to follow her heart in search and so she searches and really never finds anything bc its within. not one thing goes wrong but it varies and functions like a burst of letting free and nothing shows she found happiness bc that only fades and shes back to the hunt. I dont want to be negative, i dont want to annoy you, i dont want to sound repetitive or maybe I do cuz I am trying to find a way to live in harmony like all the rest. I appreciate and have manners and some how I show others the other Tammy that isnt even me but she is the interesting one for me to figure out. the battle of who to be is basically to just be who u are effortlessly and thats exactly what i do but it gets me in trouble when I later regret since their are endless possiblities of how to live your life, but even tho id feel proud to be a morning jogger I guess I need to live in the right area and blame it on a pal to go with. its like a great thought without sharing it. I just like to write and i havent in a while,,, it really hasnt helped me much other than proof of the train of thoughts i have, though they mean well, too honest and full of fear perhaps, they are senseless bc they are lost in the evaporation those clouds got thirsty or doing their job.
Making life happen is full of chores, i realize that... i dont know, I see my family and they are so good to me, I love them all so much but what must they truly think? I hate to upset them with who Ive became... so many in fact cuz i act so righteous and bitchy sometimes I drive myself mad too. the good days, so many of them and then when mistakes come its a drawback and i feel so overwhelmed, so strong yet so weak. I see what could be better and it does have to start with me, im way too wild to respect and dont ask me how its not done. I meet ppl and not sure who they are, all so private and difficult to really see. Yoga would be good soon, staying busy... Oops this is me.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


It's never ending, be better n better, improving, I want the dream. Dnt settle be like metal. A jewel in the sky is not alone, amoungst other diamonds she shines, your not the only star.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Tuesday, November 13, 2012


Fashion girl...

I dont knwo how to put a .GIF on my blog :( Its another tech issue I need a solution for. Anyway I have a story for u... Once upon a time their was a girl, she was very very pretty, she had light brown hair and light eyes. Her name was Maria. Maria became an independant woman, she worked very hard in school and got good grades and always did her own thing. She felt a little different from the other girls. She came from an island where other girls lived that were all very similar, they were all very pretty and very lonely in a way. Something about this island was cursed for their own GOOD. All those lonely times at home allowed them to grow, they spent time lonely at home where they were safe instead of going out with friends and getting into trouble. Thier lonely days consisted of them getting creative in their homes doing things like reading, playing board games w their families and watching lots of movies. Her life was thought to be sad until one day she moved to NYC... She studied so hard that she was offered an internship one summer with a fashion magazine! This was any girls dream! This meant shoes and clothes and colors and parties and more shoes! Maria being a pretty little shy lonely girl stood very loyal next to anything they told her to do. She was like a little toy soldier, her emerald eyes glistened to the sounds of anything fashion. She had a passion inside her that needed to be awakened. It was her against the world in NYC and she had a serious passion to make it unlike the other party girls. The city was filled with energy, abundance, all ages, inspiration, furry! The yellow Taxis zipped by while leaving splashes, the subway trains under the sidewalk trembled the ground beneath, pigeons in the parks ate crumbs thrown by an old lady, the elite bought designer shoes from a high end retail store while Maria watched from the window in the rain. The city was full of opportunity but not everybody had the same opportunities... Til one day, Marias boss at the fashion magazine was fired... The staff told Maria not to come to work the following day and instead had a meeting amoungst themselves to discuss who would be filling this next very important position. The options were very unlikely since nobody knew exactly what was demanded of the job, nobody other than MARIA that is... This dream job for any girl became Marias job and she filled this position of selecting shoes and accessories for the pages in the magazines bc she was filled with knowledge from all the books she read and movies she watched etc while being a very boring girl back home on her island. This was all the reason why her luck got turned around, so many nights, even days she spend lonely suffering! Nobody thought it would happen to her but it did. Eventually she met her prince charming and stayed in the big city working in fashion but what nobody really knows is that her life staying oh so boring, it was the only constant thing that kept her from losing that job. So, while all the fun girls dreamed of having such a career, Maria kept her secret oh so dear bc she never knew what it was like to have real fun anyway, yet fashion and shoes can tame a girl any day. ;)

Friday, November 9, 2012

Monday, November 5, 2012

Time of change...

Its just a lot of things to remember, but now we have just to ask... we dont use our brains enough,,, thanks to the computer I can look and find whatever I forgot w some little key words to get me what I lost. An over-abundance of issues, little ones and the big ones are there hopefully they arent growing bigger. Its a lot of information. A lot of stuff we need to do our own research to find the answer to, the correct answers to make a decision... wo that we are lost. So that all takes a lot of time and being a silly creative girl I might take a little longer to fully comprehend. To make our own choice that is. I would love things to be more simple :) I have started a big canvas project, its about numbers. I dont want to float around in space completely out of it, Im an Earth girl. I think the best choice for me and my progress is to put two feet on the ground and spend some time outdoors everyday if possible and its free to watch the sun set or rise and the details and the colors and the tranquility and a deep inner peace for a min is needed for us all. Its simple. Like everybody starting to grow their own gardens and meditating and being more in tune to Earth, to be thankful and set goals, brake them down into simple steps and keep going. Its all about how u feel so dont feel forced to go to a party bc u wont miss anything, you need what will truly make u happy and that comes from other places. Its in a long bike ride, walking the dog, seeing a place u have never been, experiences, love, gathering friends and collaborating... we all are a team, we just have to reach out to create it, inspire each other and create something and that will make us all proud, with good energy of course... its for the world, its for the growth, its for compassion, its to spark something in others, to brake walls and share, para compartir. Smiling, helping, being patient, not letting urself be so affected and keep moving foreward and its slow but bit by bit by bit makes a huge lot! Their are the rules of a better life, but you make your own rules and understand why your doing things one way and open up to an even better way... it might help you to try something new. We have to be happy for one another instead of give the evil eye, being jelouse, saying mean things, u must get those ppl out of your life immediately!!!!!! They dont want you to do well, they dnt have the best interest in mind, their are ppl who will unfortunately hold u back, say mean things, spread rumors, have dark energy, are in their own funk and the best way is to save yourself and begin to think differently and go towards those who are better than you, who have a better plan, are stronger, are sweeter, are more accomplished, are good ppl... the others dont have this, they just suck whats good and bring u down. I am past that but its constant until I have a complete grip on what my goals are and where I see myself in the future, to visualize and still being true to yourself. Give back. Be true. Too much bullshit and detour crap out there... step by step try your best and always keep your consciousness in check,,, if your lost and in the dark your not who I think is the best version of yourself. You will see...

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

A piece of a puzzle...

As I make a list to get myself out of the funk of everyday life I notice that my list isnt really that long and that it just needs some time to focus. I beat myself up about the little things and they amount to something big and I'm not sure what happened these past couple days but I blame it on my broken pinkie toe haha. Well, nothing really bothers me... like sharing posts and getting no "likes" ;) I havent been posting on this blog bc its turned into a personal matter. I have so many things to keep track of and I dont wana have any rules here. People are buying interest is what Im getting at, paying for followers or for likes... Its all over Twitter, Instagram, even Facebook has a way to advertise... I'm not clear about what I'm selling LOL. I used to think this was fun, that it was easy... now its just a pain in the ass trying to keep up. I mean, jk bc its fun for me to find something and post it or take a picture of where I am and find ppl w the same interests through hashtags... I understand it... Im a part of this society... I heard our history is being erased btw. I didnt sign the waiver! People are in a band, Ive been looking deeper into that from seeing some shows with Paul and how a not so pretty girl looks on stage when she played a shaker and the little round lights skimming the dress as the circle the room and her sequins throw a shine... It takes a lot of practice, a lot of passion... I never had that but when I look at it now I guess I saw it with these eyes. It always looked like a lot of work and if you think about all these musicians in town and how they go from band to band or maybe even play in 3 at the same time... its like Wow! Do they just wana play? or are they waiting for something to HIT? Its like everything in life but being on stage and playing in unison songs that you have practiced over and over and to feel that power, ppl listening, and then its done, it makes one proud, no? Its more interesting than painting bc its a team. Admit it, painting you can get lucky, nobody has to know the truth. I would like to find the team, a team of more than friends... I dont have that. I know more about myself than ever before, I know what I'm good at and also my weaknesses... I think we all should fit nicely like a puzzle, we all belong somewhere and with that feeling of belonging is where we excel. I hope you understand.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Huntington Beach day...

So much to say yet no words right to say it, like catching the train of the thought, i forget what Im talking about all the time. Went to Huntington Beach today for the first time, super chill beachy town reminded me of Florida. Its an hour drive from where I live 3 highways and I didnt get lost this time. I met some ppl it was the day afte a birthday celebration so the group was really hungover from the night before and we had lunch at some Mexican spot over looking the ocean. They headed back to "the house" and I decided to stay and go to the beach there. Walked slowly down Main st. bought a beach towel, I say slow bc I hurt my foot and cant be as active as I like to be. I tried to play some volleyball on the beach and realized that volleyball is comepletely about the feet! sliding to get to where a bal will land so I didnt do so good, now imagine that like 10xs worse... that bad. LOL. After that we went to "the house" its a beautiful home on the golf course in a private gated community. The gate house at the front was a beautiful little box with really really high ceilings and the man there wore a uniform w a hat that looked like a round safari like shape but in white. Plenty of photoshoots took place at sunset under and on the pier and I saw the surfers catching waves and the birds gliding basically in one spot hovering by a fisherman like a puppy wanting a treat. I was able to see its duck feet tucked under and his funny beak and stare. They had milkshakes and french fries at the end and I caught the last of the sunset and promise myself to stare and comletely watch is go down next time I have the opportunity to. And with silence say thank you for the day and the new ones to come, how thats one thing that never lets us down. The house is pretty clean right now, I took some action after it got a bit out of hand from being busy or blame it on the foot or the time of the month. I really want to fix my home and get rid of things I dont need to make my more to another apartment in a few months a bit easier. Not moving extra junk around. I have been having this feeling of not needing or wanting "stuff" but I admit I love stuff, I just love it. Id like to grow my rock collection and have a sacred spot of peace and pretty nature things. I missed a "rock party" where we would pass around some incredible rocks and drink wine... those ppl are all so interesting and the conciuousness of the stones, its really beautiful. Its something that takes time, its not like by 10 rocks one day and BAM there u have it... its finding which rocks and if they come from different places I think its better that way they have a story. They make great gifts now that I think about it. Its funny we buy rocks lol. I was going to go to Gypsy Camp tonight 6-10pm but didnt make it to that. Huntington Beach was a bit of a trek. Tom afternoon Im going on a hike w Caroline my cousin and bring Roxy.I gave Roxy a bath this morning before I left... I didnt bring her and thank god I didnt bc everywhere had no dogs allowed! you cant do anything in Cali... the rules are ridiculously strict and then marijuana is legal... alcohol too and to me it doesnt make any sense... I guess I think everything should be legal. I heard in Amsterdam they dont sell mushrooms anymore and they sell something thats from TRUFFLES now thats the same or similar. I had no idea... Truffles??? Crazy! Stopped at McDonalds on way home though, stupid McDonalds, I had it in my head and then there they were, those golden arches... I bought Roxy some chicken tenders... I cant tell u what I ate. It would defy everything I stand for LOL. I dont eat that anymore but fries are my weakness, not ice cream. Going to bed now, give Roxy some love and these eyes some rest. I miss Paul.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Monday, October 1, 2012

Met Gregg Fleishman artist who built THE MAN @BurningMan!

I found his store front studio walking in Culver City, California. I met David Best who built the temple at Burning Man 2012 when choosing to help out and today met the man who built the man 2012 too... I'd say I'm pretty lucky.

Monday, September 24, 2012

An Antique Frame...

Bad Ass Stalkings

look like boots but take a closer look! Killer! $225

Nuts & Olives...

nuts and olives, a snack, making gifs, my new hobby, the new Instagram Its Sunday night. This week will be looney... Monday (tomorrow) filled with fittings, try to go to gym first, then a showroom, then pick up something at the dry-cleaner, pick up Paul and make vegan mac n cheese - Yes that's the plan. Tuesday I have to pull clothes, visit client to finalize the Jeans selected and make group shots styled for the locations. Tues night I will go to a 'rock' party... meaning look at beautiful precious stones and drink wine with some new friends who have a booth in a flea market where they specialize and sell stones... very excited. Wednesday no interruptions... SHOOT on Hollywood blvd... that night Im thinking to see Mr. Little Jeans play at Sohohouse in West Hollywood. Thursday I will celebrate and veg out before my fast Fri. Fri I am starting my juice fast! through Sat & Sun! So chill weekend.. maybe beach/hiking. Sometime then I will have a meeting to plan the next shoot :) Just thinking out loud. PS Hopefully they fix my AC & Garbage Disposal bc they r both broken for about a week now. PSS. Must buy a canvas for Palindrome project Start the projection idea... filming etc.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Dance the Town...

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Excuse me for

Talking trash, should probably try the "better left unsaid". I think their might be a fine line between what I'm trying to do and what I'm not doing right. I dnt know how it got here, to this but I do know that it all keeps rolling. I can say and, and, and, and keep talking about nothing... It's just something TO DO, for me. I enjoy the freedom in thoughtless thoughts and probably bc I have so many of them in general... I just dnt think much is Kosher these days, not much is edited correctly, bunch of mockery, bunch of puppets with no script. I'm resting now, gona pick up a friend from airport in a few... I have a bunch of problems at home I wish I could fix but they sorta piled on last min. Im too good for this but not good enough, not for my standards anyway, if I'm not where I want to be u ...
I hear jazz in the distance,
Piano, a record, a crackle, a pop.
The ice melted and that had a sound as it made itself a new home, a new shape in the water.
What's the weather like?
It's cooler than here that's for sure.
I wonder if I would be too busy to see Roxy, to feel her, to try to analyze what she could possibly be thinking.
I'd hate to be that.
I guess that's why I'm where I am now,
So that I could be saying this...
Ppl say that all this already happened, really?
I make it practically impossible.
Always room for improvement say, the notes r too high pitched for me right now. I wish I had something better to say... The world needs it. I'm not perfect, far from it, farther than I could possibly be perhaps. I have a backwards approach. I feel like money is fake when I use it now, like Monopoly. I never liked that game anyway. I went to a place where it didn't exist, I thought that was closer to normal than the paper we use for pleasure. I start a lot of sentences with "I" it's like "and" to me.
I feel inner peace right now but I need to dig deeper and find the cause for this madness, I didn't know it would be so deep inside, I'm not that bad, just curious. Have a shoot on Wednesday I should be focusing on, I am! I juggle life and definitely waste tons of time on what I think is interesting which honestly is not in the end. Like the princess was on vacation in the South of France and they took pictures of them which led to scandal... Who cares when WW3 is around the corner? I do.
Or Mayor Bloomberg in NYC banned the super-sized soda... Bunch of distracting nonsense to me too but major news as well. Pretty classic.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Vegan Mac n Cheese...

I've finally become accustomed to Nutritional Yeast, at first I thought it was the weirdest thing ever. This immitation cheese concoction with soy sauce, so strange... I now have ways of slightly tweaking it. So mind boggling how all these things are popping off with better nutritional facts behind them like Gojie Berries and Chia Seeds and NO Im not JUST realizing it... what Im realizing are things like Chia Seeds have double the antioxidants found in blueberries for instance! or 6 times the iron than spinach and that they provide tremendous energy. Honestly I haven't been reading, its just the FB POSTS... the ones I like to share. I looked back at some of the last blabbering I did on here and was like "Did I seriously say that? Wow, what the hell was I talking about?" but then I remembered I am supposed not to care what I write on here... I use this to vent out my feelings and the times I like to write on here are usually maybe not the happiest of moments bc I am enjoying life being happy then... I just, well, here I am trying to explain myself and thats just what ppl have to understand. its a personal rant, or release or hopefully a way to improve myself and learn from mistakes lol im so deep lol. I went to an art party tonight in LA and I just dont get it, i dont get LA at all. They let me bring Roxy in and I had her in my arms the whole time, she was a good girl til she got on my shoulder and somebody said that she was like a parrot LOL (I had to write that). Paul says its a "classic moment". So back to the health food stuff... really quick... I ran into this store with all these barrels of healthy shit that u take your weight in bags and its things I cant find easily at the grocery store like Nutritional Yeast and Gji Berries and CAROB the new chocolate!!! You would die if you saw what I read on Carob... DIE. The Cocoa Powder has insect poop and "parts" and the FDA allows a small amount of insect shit and parts in the cocoa we eat! so bugs with that too for sure. (((Feed the dog))) Distracted. Feel like watching some YouTube clips of talk shows bc I dont have cable TV but I think its time to get it again. xoxox

Back in Los Angeles...

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