Thankfull

I’m profoundly thankful like a bottomless well or something. Cheerful. Gleeful. I am dancing through life making others feel good as much as I can and every now and then I find myself on low energy unable to give as much of my over flow Bc I can get depleted and I can be tired but not want to sleep,,, like now lol. It’s 3am and I am in bed but I’m reading a book and it’s really good, my 3rd book in a month and this one is going to be a long one so it’s going to take time but I’m already inspired and excited by it. It speaks to me. For me a big thing is the writing and of course the topic. So I’m learning. And the channeling is something that might happen to me when I write and this writer for “The Artists Way” is speaking my language. I feel as though I’m growing into myself quite nicely and I like the majority of my choices. I have faith that I should just keep going Bc there is so much I want to do and I just have to do whatever makes me happy and what makes most sense to me and let God do his thing through me. I’m trying to get a lil out of the way of that. You have to really think sometimes but you also feel and you also have to really LOVE and that happiness and inspiration that comes of it that makes you glow is where it’s at. This book I was reading that I have JUST started said that. I want to travel and I want to love someone. I want to keep feeding my soul. I like spirituality and things and colors and people! I actually love ppl even tho boy do they let me down! Lol. I don’t care, let them do what they wana do! I’m totally fine. I’m thick skinned, I am also a happy alone type of person but I’m just saying I do feel like that is what’s missing. I recently met someone who I get a long w really well and stuff but isn’t “the guy” I want to get into a relationship with. I am just glad that there are ppl who I can get a long w so well that life feels effortless and that they make me feel good! That’s really important. Then I also ready that your soul mate will be a pain in your ass somewhere else LOL  

So am I everyone else’s soul mate? Jk. 

Anyway, I want to dance more. I like to dress up too. I just wana go places a lil and then also be home to read my books and do my home body time, I need to! I’m a introvert/extrovert. And I need to go innnn and create! I can’t just be out dancing every fucking night okay. I need to fucking balance and I am but it’s like so easy to unbalance this space ship! TAMBOLANDIA LOL 

So Run, sun, juice, personal care, nourish, read, love, connect, my dog, the planning, the goals, the lists, the calendar, the people, the moon, the downloads, the business, the growth, the progress, and the flow my dear. Don’t forget to keep dreaming! And the dreams will come true, they always do. THANK YOU.

The little games

I learned something new about myself and I always wanted to understand it. I noticed an accumulation of triggers and after the multiple incidents w different ppl I’d always find myself to be “right” in my way about why I chose to do what I did and that my Ultimate intentions were good. What I didn’t notice is that ppl are different and unable to understand for themselves or see outside of themselves enough and basically chose to either stick around, or not, or understand it or not and many ppl just aren’t so deep and have their reasons to take things personal as some sort of a personal attack and my personality also comes in and I show my emotions when it’s gotten to a certain level. Besides having some PTSD from certain incidents I’ve had or levels of what I’m willing and unwilling to put up with myself. I can have assumptions, I’m flexible to learn and curious to understand and get through to the next level IF I think you’re worth it. Also, my biggest lesson w all this is that I may POP but, sure it can be for a reason but their shouldn’t be any reason to pop I guess… Bc their is a better way of communicating. Of asking a question instead of thinking a thought and reacting based off of that. So it’s maturity. I do it all the time. It’s a constant in life to know what is the best way to handle things… but when I’m about to Pop is when I need to use it more! Not everyone understands how that may be a passionate way of showing my emotions, my deep felt thoughts, what’s important to me, the letting of emotions. But it’s going to help me to not react like that and try to be a more smoother line on a graph than one of lots of zig zags, mountains and valleys. It feels good to learn that Bc I think I finally understand it. :)

Crossed Fingers...

 I remember when I was a little girl and I would cross my fingers. I still do it. I remember those 80s textured walls I would scratch my limbs on. I remember that time I woke up upside down or something and couldn't find the door knob, instead I was trying to get out of the window! I remember the drying lines, the antennas, the manners I was taught and how quiet I was bc I was a sponge observing everything. I remember talking to my dolls bc what else do u do if not? I liked being the teacher. I did it w my dolls make believe and with actual kids I could manipulate during recess, I had my own ballet class! quite productive! but it wasn't always that way lol. I guess I like being a leader, I liked having the attention but it was also very pure, a little piece of popularity perhaps? none of it lasted too long. I had to make new friends a lot. I grew an attitude. I was just shuffled here and there and just absorbing the whole thing knowing id soon be thrown in a different direction again. I had a reason for being the way I became but nobody knew that part about me really. I believe ppl do want the best for us but the look holes, the gaps that don't allow for a match... its not a kids fault and its a life tampered with. everyone has a different story. So many variables, I wonder if the right way to go is as interesting. Kids in a class remind me of objects collected from diff parts. Another assortment, each a diff flavor, and spit balls, and time wasted... nobody seemed to know what they were doing. Even in college, so odd. By now I hope they do bc wasting  time wasn't solely the kids' fault, I think it was almost more the teachers. lol. Thats so terrible. I have these memories, so many ridiculous memories, stories, culture, societal lessons, places and things, unbelievable. I am just so grateful so have had the journey I had. Things take time, to make you the more mature you, ppl marry young, they have such real lives, we chose a career, a partner, and become a parent so many times so young! Naturally. Its more natural to make a beautiful mistake like that and yes it is a blessing. It gets harder to later in life I think. I am juggling w diff realities. Why can't he come and save me already LOL ;) Im not sure anymore. I have to really think about what I want. I realize that I am not truly firm on one idea cuz I need a partner I can feel supported, I believe in the dream... I choose to believe in it, I want to find real love, is it so? ugh But of course and I also want to hibernate like a bear for the whole winter. Pray for peace be with me. Cuddles xoxoxo

What’s the temperature?

I can speak Chinese, Bird Call, I feel for the dragon fly, I got someone upset, I’m just obsessed w Roxys warmth. I’m such a mother. Soooo lucky. Omg. Ya, good for u! Go for it. I’m good. I’m ok. I’m grateful. What else do u want me to say right now? Does that sound like… something… I didn’t like it either. My mom was 24! My Dad wanted it… he walked his pregnant woman on the beach at the break of dawn…really? And so now what? What about me? Have I become too vocal? I’m like allowed to be this way? Have I forgotten my manners? And will I ever learn?