Oh whata night...

Back to the weird feelings. Doubting everything. Even  losing the basic connection w ppl I thought were good friends... it has to be me, it’s too much that points right back at me. The truth is, I don’t even know why my life is in such apparent shambles... I guess I need something, to be more balanced, u know, obviously... sleep right now seems to stick out the most but I need all of it... friends  dept has been better than usual but I’m wondering things. Nobody wants to hear that your not doing well... so I have to keep that to myself. 

I’m feeling weak, like I should be in a better place w decision making. My life needs more structure. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and I’m dealing w what it does to me emotionally now and admitting that I could be honest and admit to how I desire a better over all, normal life and I’m not normal and it’s gotten to me now, it’s pulling on my reality. I don’t have anybody I Wana tell this to but I have to say, I can’t continue to allow this life. I’m not living in my full potential and the vibration has brought me to these circumstances... I want more from life. I need to allow love to come into my life but at this point it’s far from happening. It’s where I need to be but instead I’m not there, nor looking for that, should make some steps to improve but fell off like i do. Need to be taking better care of myself, eating nutritious meals at the right times of the day... it’s not ok to be literally barely eating and barely sleeping... this is the result. I’m ok but I’m putting it out there bc it’s not something I want happening... I mean that and I need help! From friends, family, everyone! I’m not Gona pretend it’s easy when it’s not bc every once in a blue I fall off the deep end. 

Wow.

So now my parents came and brought me all this medicine and soups... then a bunch of my friends texted me like they love me and stuff like that and I’m like shocked bc how did all these sweet things just happen? Did somebody say something? I feel like ppl might think I’m suicidal or something but I swear to God I would never do that. I am love, I am just stupid sometimes thats all... and I need your help!!!! I want to be better and I want to succeed and I want us to be happy, awesome, healthy, making things happen that we want and love. I hate feeling like a Debbie Downer! I’m going to have to make some moves... it’s this feeling that I can’t accept mediocre and be happy. I gota take better care of myself and others and apply my talents... I hope I can do what I say, follow my rituals and take control of my life. I need to find my way and I miss u guys. Thanks for everything, unreal the amount of love I just got. I’m in shock and I love u guys sooo much, u know who u are. 

Making Moves

Had such a productive day. Looked through tons of my magazine cut outs for inspo on color combinations and some other ideas popped out at me. The possibilities of collage in design and that I can break the chain weaving and just try new things. I made some bag designs w an origami concept, a folded square makes a triangle... I have to try the grommets and attempt to finish something. Making samples for bags turns out to be more challenging than I thought. I know I have to continue. I’d like to make clothes and let pieces hang loose and let them be free. I worked hard today. I should rest now. Gnight 

Ashnikko - STUPID Feat. Yung Baby Tate (Official Video)

Writing the Colors.

 Burnt Orange, oat milk latte, pastel yellow, crimson red, lavender, chocolate, periwinkle, emerald, baby pink, taxi cab yellow, tar black, Burgundy, sorbet orange, tennis ball neon yellow, metallic fuscia, stark white, black, white black, sapphire blue, copper, velvet navy blue, tan leather, silver, rich purple rain, moss green, gold lamé, cherry red, ballerina pink, hunter green, citrine, mint green, sand dune, sky blue, peptobismol pink, watermelon, aqua blue... fascinated by color and inspired by combinations. Im almost ready to play with colors again! I feel very much in tune w what I see and gather, Im sort of slow to just start but everything in its time. I have some ideas boiling in my head to set up. I also want to decorate picture frames and mirrors, frames... as the art canvas. I guess I can collage the image/images framed inside too. I also want to used junk and recycle it and collage it. It just borders w kistch and tacky... is that really what I want to do? I guess I would see if it works. I need to get back on a sewing machine and make samples of my ideas. Weaving, using grommets, studding, exploring the placing w collage and studying what color does, fluctuating the direction, size, making artistic decisions, creating irrisitible combinations that give life to everyday objects and applying my experience and knowledge and CREATING what I love. Studying the color wheel to grasp the recipes of color groupings. Combining to a T.