You are the Light.

 Tons of ppl I know are in Tulum now, I was just there before... I feel So lucky to have been able to go. I didn't get to explain the story of my stay there... OMG I have to explain everything so much oh my. Im listening to something else while I write this and so its like confusing my thoughts and maybe even lowering my vibration to do two things at once. Its about that we choose our parents before we arrive here.

So I have to create a proposal about getting a place in Mexico... the place I found its a generous space with SO much potential. So this is a whole thing that I need to do and Im not sure that I want to be involved with that many ppl... I have some history about having trouble speaking well to ppl... so like when I want something from somebody I should charm them, b sweet to them, stay composed and even work on my feminine... instead I get passionate and pushy to motivate them and bc I understand where Im coming from and showing my deep desire it actually works against me and repels or maybe you can put up w it, thats great, those are the ones who last as ppl around me but I do notice it myself. I hav a sorta short fuse sometimes and even tho I apologize and mean well haha Mean, Well... Lets NICE WELL! ;) I have quite a few shortcomings and thats one of them... but they say I should talk about the positive... ugh so boring sometimes LOL. No, dome want talk about that sorry! It is all in the end how u feel about yourself and everything that happened to u and I am strong and thats what made all the difference. well, strong now maybe... life has made me weak, thats true. We are all different. We think differently and have all these same sort of connections and parallel worlds and it just Only matters on our own individual interpretation. So the dark brings u to light and everything is working its way, its magic. You happen to be part of the magic. So for the magical medicine that u spew it can change by the chemistry of what you put in your body, and the mental thoughts in your mind and what I'm MOST worried about is the energy of others... I wonder how much that is affecting me bc I know its important but do we land in the same place eventually? or does our free will bring up to diff places, completely diff places lets say. Idk. So yes our thoughts matter but even the wrong road can maybe bring u someplace better lets say. I guess cuz its possible. The hierarchy is so fake and rigid, the streets are filled with kooks! Now where would u rather be? Locked in a castle or walking in skinny blackens and boots down an alley? For me the difference is in the freedom, I rather be free. Its harder to be free the higher up you go, the more money u make the more ppl need you and Yeah u are making money but they r also robbing u of your life and time with kids. No? Crystal Ball... "Will I have kids?" "YES" Yipeee!!! Ok so when all my friends kids are adults I will finally maybe be a Mom. Maybe... I don't have Crystal Ball.... I became a psychic and heard an answer ... I heard the answer that I wanted to hear, but if the answer u want to hear doesn't seem right then u know your answer isn't right so u PIVOT! Shashe Shante! & then u shake your booty, shake your booty!!! lol. 

obviously have things to say but don't feel like getting at them. I wish the typing on the keyboard was more silent... I would upgrade to that seriously. & I would also go in there and look at what everybody else wishes !!! hahhaha ;)

Careful, they will steal your good invention! This place is bananas seriously. If this mother fuckin pres thinks he and all his Covid team can stay in the Whitehouse LOL... we gots quarantine for two weeks, nobody should go in there for at least two weeks, idk how it works but I want to know more. Its so late... I like it,, its sooo peaceful at this time. ppl wake up at this time to feel this and then chant hahahah explain that to me... ok fine meditate. we should have all this cool stuff implemented in society, in school systems, and learn how to be more self reliant. Im like a broken record, I'm not broken I'm bent out of shape lol. Gym starts next week, finally! I start going to the gym around Thanksgiving lol, love it. I have GOT to stop drinking and thats really like way too hard yo. I tried it and then... its like I have triggers and they are intertwined w my way to function, its basically coping habits. its a huge problem and I know it, its not normal and its got to stop. But its actually normal for ppl, like its normal in my family for instance, its normal lots. This year has been pretty important. I can't believe ppl r out right now. Im happy to be home here talking to myself bc its SAFE actually. Its like a whistle in the wind. I need to go back there w him he's there and I'm here and now I miss him. 

Night Night

Love, TAM

 https://youtu.be/aEYsqvxcp9A

Into THIS... watch it. 

WE MUST Writing for me is a time I get to be with myself. I get to feel what I’m feeling and find new ways to see things by allowing myself to express what would have never been felt and allowed without the stuff that came before and me bringing myself to these places in my mind. I get to know myself a little more. I process through the grief or allow myself to be free in my thinking. I think in order to reach a new level and collectively we should remember we should aim there... we have to spread more connection, have better relationships in life that help us be better and give us the love, connection, acceptance, desire to reach out for one another and less allowing without wanting to be good and help one another more. We have to be a team and we have to be real enough to tell (me) what I might need in order to be better. At least that’s what I do for others and that’s how I show my love but sometimes ppl feel they are being judged or managed or taught and they might not like it. It’s bc of how they are looking at it bc you have to fix yourself to feel the love behind it. We can’t be so easily bothered anymore, we have to be meditating more and intoxicating ourselves less in order to master this. Our collective flaws are apparent but we have to only and first take care of ourselves. I know I do and if I can do that well it should prove to God and a partner that I’m fit to take care of a baby or a child or a teen or our elders and parents. This might be the most important & effective way to shift the  collective consciousness. I love life a little more having said that from just simply knowing it and it being just inside of me even tho it’s not only inside of me, it’s inside of all of us! I feel the lift off my chest when I put my thoughts into writing and they are positive. I don’t “like” saying the negative, it’s not as much ME as the positive but I like to push boundaries and play with fire or Magic. I’m not sleeping yet and I know I should be but I also very much like doing this. I like feeling inspired with energy and it has light to share. I have to stay in the light!  But The shadow work is also important. I have to meditate more and get on a better rhythm w the sun moon and stars. It’s not just the connection with people it’s also the connection with the Devine and the almighty and you will have the dips that bring u down and the repercussions of choices who will bring u up. Now to deal with it all with your LOVE. We must.

Princess & the Pea

Is the stacked up mattresses that w a ladder we climb up to experience.. but turns out it is the TOTH FAIRY in the backwards world! (Or something) 

So instead of planting a pea for u to feel unfomfy... we put a tooth. And we are in the backwards world. Now your the tooth fairy for the child and u have to donate something: 

That’s all.

SAME TEAM

 A screw loose, if I say so its worse. You will have to believe it and use it against me later but its just words... dont be so sure about the intention behind it. Have an open mind and give me the benefit of the doubt. Its my personal blog, Im not guaranteeing you some Picasso. I couldnt sleep. I have my reasons. I have good reasons, or so I think I do... I never talk about them or important stuff like who to vote for or what you should wear tomorrow. Id like to know what you have to do tomorrow so I can help you get there... its cuz my role as helping my man be a better man and me being more feminine is sorta based around the simplicity of this. I dont know what else I can do better. I believe its in my nature to make my man a better man and I might have "bad timing" or be sorta on the side of not so in control, not so normal... inspiring women must be like me... im not trying to be like this, I know I just am,,, its like the grooves in our brain,,, the ones that make certain things easier and other things harder,,, its bc we did them more or did them less,,, thats all it is. So Im me bc of an accumulation of things and acts that first of all led me here and then over and over I did the same or similar things to believe they were what I wanted to do and the more i did them the more they became a part of me and now the harder they will be to create a new groove or get accustomed to a new way. Its like I was a runner, a cross-country star and so going for a run now isnt as hard as it might be for others who didnt have those carved out grooves like the kind that become paths in the snow and so we see which way to go bc we can see other ppls marks even for instance. Its like all these things that not only we do but also we think, the ways in our mind and patterns we have created and now that we can see them its something we want to try and change but it gets more difficult over time. so we have to stay flexible, we have to be playful and change the patterns, the rhyths, the ways. we have to try to use our left hand sometimes and we have to notice when things get stressful what it is we do. Our triggers, our annoying repititions, its all we know! So the major point here is to be gentle with ourselves. we are our own loving parents. We are all we have, we are our biggest House keepers, we are our Gods, our disciples, our decision makers, and ultimately more than ANYTHING the ones who we fall back on. Im getting so much better at this btw... you should believe me when I say this too. I am the temple and the tone of my HOME, the real home, the vibration I am isnt something u can tell me its what I know and Im strong so its also how I internalize it for myself! Im better bc of the shit I have been through. I am through it. I am still alive, I sometimes still do think about "not being here" bc the way we have it is brutal, Im gona go ahead and admit it. I think so much can be more HUMAN, more kind, more easy, more SIMPLIFIED and so bc I see that it can and how we are being so complicated to our own selves or whatever I am just feeling it, knowing that it can be better, and if I suffer and feel so much and know that so so easily there IS a better way then it makes me like throw in the towel a bit,,, I throw a temper tantrum sometimes! I am speaking to a damn recorded voice who doesnt understand my issue and it frustrates the hell out of me bc there R glitches. And when so many of us need JOBS and they wana give us no option but a technology trap that takes up sooo much more time than an actual person would a person w perhaps EMPATHY, oh no she would not be hired. The person cant even help u once u reach one. its all a mistake, its all a joke, its all just a hurdle that took us almost a whole day or more to get passed. BUT WAIT, dont we need jobs? why are all the machines wasting SO much of our time? its not perfected yet and some form of human should come to the rescue for us more easily and when needed. This is when I say and think things like that I dont wana be here anymore and such... its not that i didnt mean it in the moment, its that its just a moment and thats maybe what im used to as the entitled spoiled brat that I am but guess hwat> what? I still have to face the same things and get passed them. I even laugh at myself, I even later regret what I did. thinking that Maybe one day I will act more maturely and less impulsively and be the grandious goddess me and everyone else needs me to become already. Then, I even go as far as to think that THIS is the reason I dont have children Yet, bc I am still a child. So I blame myself these super heavy Truths and truly believe them and so when it seems like im being nice to myself finally im actually Back at it again masacreing the finite beautiful moment from birth to death and around again and all I can say is, Im used to it! Some ppl have a really hard time w all of this and while they are trying to come around again im like in my padded gear disquised as an OWL in the tree seeing nocturnal and camoflaged and im coming to get you when you least expect it type shit bc I really dont quit, ever. Things that arent nice and try me are what keeps me up at night and if I have backup then I am ready. Its the weak Tammy that we come across that none of us like, but shes real and she takes balls to show. I want everything to be perfect, or be as close to it as possible. I love the mistakes but I have to like them. the way things feel, the fact that its always no matter what actually improving. but sometimes it hurts, life hurts and we should not be the one to hurt ourselves bc it will happen, we have to be ready. we have to be strong and we have to know that The Blame is like a ball we are juggling and some things are like a game. I dont regret what I have felt but maybe what I have done bc I could have done better. better to myslef and to others, i know that, its something im pretty sure about. The same way things in society arent perfect... the same. Ok Im going to rest now. I will try to be better and better and I hope you will too. Lets be on the same team. Love TAM