Sunday, March 18, 2012

Kids are so incredible to me... The thought of me as a child is so pretty, we r all children in the end always learning never knowing everything.
We have created a place and a way... Like a platform to conform to..
I have thoughts of getting rid of this blog and not speaking my mind anymore bc for some reason it just comes back around and ppl don't care to understand. Judgements just happen and unmistakably deconstruct to create another reality. I'm in love with running somewhere far and that can happen with a simple thought too.
I don't want to be misunderstood anymore and most things I say are just fluffy but I don't do it for any real reason but to practice my writing and speak my mind.
It's dark in my room except my glowing iPad tablet on my lap.
Roxy is at the foot of the bed and I can hear her breathe and the air conditioner hum and cars ride by behinds my head.
This has been a terrible week but I have a lot to be happy about too..
Lots of things are so much pressure and I feel like a kid when I'm humble enough to admit it.
I have this strong character but I'm also sweet and naive and we all make mistakes. My mistakes make a ball in my chest and if I dwell I sink from their weight.
All I want to be is a loyal, loving mother to my puppy.
This week is busy, I can't wait to try again...
Everyday is a new day! I pray for strength to keep in line on track as I carefully balance on this tight rope. Who would have known life would be so difficult and full of obstacles, it's just one thing at a time but I want to be walking faster and not even have to think that I'm walking just looking way far away at the end, like ballet, like a melody that never gets boring.
Pretty thoughts, smiling happy easy breezy
I have to do things I don't want to do, we all do, I wish I didn't!
I am so happy for those with luck and positive personalities bc things just flow so much better. Sometimes I don't like my own thoughts.
I don't know if it's me or If I'm just being silly crazy
Ppl told me I shouldn't speak my mind anymore and it's probably true.
Somebody else told me that they care and they like reading what I have to say cuz they care and it matters to them. I just like to write.
Even when I don't have anything to write I come here and try to say anything.
It's helped me somehow, but this doesn't and shouldn't reflect my professionalism in my career... That's your judgement.
I was trying to explain to somebody how the times I come on here to write are usually times when I'm bored or maybe even sad or just a plain love affair w my computer
The moments when I'm awesome or happy I'm entertained and I don't come here to share all of those times... Happy times aren't times for me to want to write about as much as feelings I'm having that I'm trying to unfold.
I don't have a shrink like many do I use this time to talk to myself and so it's like my living journal.
These are all private stupid thoughts that go through my head without filtering through them at all.
I just like it.
Ppl blog about something much more focused. They say to pick a topic like blog about cooking or fashion or politics lol
I love fashion and that's what I do but I don't want to only write about fashion, fashion to me is so empty.. I am searching for something to say out of the nothing and honestly perhaps just as empty in the end!
Back to being young or raising the young I saw this baby w a huge smile playing in the pool and later his mom was pushing him around in his stroller while he had his bottle of milk it's a really crazy thing to think of having one or two and its always that same process, our mother did it for us and so on...
It's really beautiful and I just wanted to share that.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


1 comment:

  1. Always speak your mind ! Ive never known u as one who even cared what people thought...which is the best part of you ! Keep on writing, stay inspired, fuck everyone else...& to end this on a positive note, ever read Jack Kerouacs 30 rules on how to write? See below:

    1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy
    2. Submissive to everything, open, listening
    3. Try never get drunk outside yr own house
    4. Be in love with yr life
    5. Something that you feel will find its own form
    6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind
    7. Blow as deep as you want to blow
    8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind
    9. The unspeakable visions of the individual
    10. No time for poetry but exactly what is
    11 Visionary tics shivering in the chest
    12 In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you
    13 Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition
    14 Like Proust be an old teahead of time
    15 Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog
    16 The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye
    17 Write in recollection and amazement for yourself
    18 Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea
    19 Accept loss forever
    20 Believe in the holy contour of life
    21 Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind
    22 Don't think of words when you stop but to see picture better
    23 Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning
    24 No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge
    25 Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it
    26 Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form
    27 In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness
    28 Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better
    29 You're a Genius all the time
    30 Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven