Friday, May 2, 2014

Its been a lot of verbal diarrhea... Its like thoughts that I try to observe when I know they confuse me... I dont try to make them anything else. I just sit and listen and they come at my worst, so strong, so angry, so dark, so sure of their crap...\ I want to be clear of that. I also want to be clear about everything else. This is not a prayer. This is not some place you come to for a particular reason, some answer u need,,, some shit to buy,,, some sob story either actually... Im sorry this blog isnt what u expected. This is not even much but my whole entire lifes SIDELINES... its a nomansland. I have gone from a "fashion blog" to a "throw my ridiculous nonsense in the air" in just a FEW. I dont blame myself, I dont blame anybody. I am just blaming the circumstances for what they are and these are my facts and they have done what science only knows. I was a good girl, I raised my hand in class, I spoke w manners... and then that all vanished... what happened then happened... I saw differences in cultures. they impacted me and I impacted them... and life WENT ON. I never thought anything bad would happen to me. I just felt like life sucked at a time when I felt trapped bc I am one who needs to be free... so I felt it... bc putting me on a tight schedule was not what was gona work. not for me. I cant tell you all my problems. Your not gona solve them anyway. I miss Sky, I miss her bc she is gone, I cant believe shes gone. Sky was a girl I wish I spent more days and nights getting to know bc all the ones I had with her werent ENOUGH. I want her back. but it wont happen. But I still want her back you know? She was my best friend when we were young... her Dad died when she was 11 yrs old and I was asked to leave Gulliver for an incident I had nothing to do with. This brought us together... we went to boarding school in CT... I was a couple yrs older than her and we became roommates... but thier was actually 3 to a room... we went from one Cuban girl half the year to a Venezuelan the rest of the year. I was done with Rumsey after my first year of highschool... she continued there and I spoe to her all the time, I couldnt believe she was still there. When we were there together we would leave to the city. We would take the train ourselves as like 12 & 14 yrs olds and ride to FAO Swarts and buy candy and HELLO KITTY shit and just be silly and pretty much happy to get away and feel free. I remmener this one time we visited this old lady who was friends with idk who knows maybe her father and she was this wonderful old lady who spent a lot of time at Studio 54 and stuff... she let us into her apt, we looked at all these amazing books these pictures of her in that time and that was little me and Sky who were there observing, thinking that meant the world... (when that was just but a tip) We went through so much together,,, for me it was a lot of angst really... I was really pissed at my parents. I didnt get that from Sky at all. I guess I was like a peer but to me she did ANGELIC things... she made ALLLLLLL those times better.... she really did. If she wasnt there I would have died before her bc I would have cut the oxygen to my brain myself and im not even kidding. I really love her. I really miss her I have more stories... but i feel like shit about allowing or witnessing or whatever just being here still and i know theirs a better story..... i know their are so many great ones.... Sky please come back for one last hug please come back for one more last hug....

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