Moving into a diff bedroom in my house isn’t going to change things. But what it will change is the sun will rise there. It will get warm there in the morning and the sun will crack through the windows to wake me up earlier and I put myself through things not only bc they r painfully great but bc they are necessary. Change is the creation and I have the free will to do it, to myself! I am my own other pet. I am my own parent and my own child and my own victim that needs what I will, from now on decide. Bc I won’t allow it to come from exterior sources. Now u can’t complain, Tammy. Btw I’ve done this several times to myself. I’m not a masochist even tho it’s there to think about. I am too fucking nice to strangers and I’m over my own complaining. I’m NOT emo. Your a fucking emo! Watch me go from sensitive soul to soulless bulletproof who knows what lol. I’m not bipolar. I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody. It’s called PMS. And it’s also pissed off. It’s also just funny maybe and middle fucking fingers up in the air but I’m not even that mad at u or life and I know that’s not how to solve anything. LOL. So what is it? I’ve been trying to figure it out for a time and it’s bc I “lost my mind” they wana say… it’s not true. I love my mind, it’s sharp, it’s exercised like a muscle, it’s hard to shut up when I want to say something… I’ve gotten myself into trouble even recently and heard that I’m not a good listener. I don’t believe it whole heartedly bc I know I am also a good listener and I remember how I was such a dumbass and made a mistake. Dammit Tammy. It’s a really expensive mistake these days. It can be 10k or 20k whatever but damn do I have to get moving on my “art” if I want to survive and afford mistakes on top of it. It’s funny how what I can do is …. Just I don’t want to think of it’s value anymore…. I think what I really want to do is invaluable. It’s LIFE! Lovingly Live Life now has to just happen by ppl who aren’t concerned w the other part. And then there u have it, good real ppl… like me supposedly… til u cross me lol. Then u better stay away. I don’t wana do Karate on your head. I don’t want to hurt ppl. I don’t want to learn to. I rather not know. I know that my goodness and my higher poemwers lol powers will protect me from the evil spirits. Also bc I’m close w them, we tight. And I don’t need a gun. I don’t need the things that bring danger to my home. They have a wrong energy. Not of peace. Not of love. I agree that Americans should have the freedom to have a weapon if they feel called to. Bc I don’t trust the government to be the only ones to. The police are not our friends. I am from a diff era. But pls protect me. I have also thought of being a cop, did I tell u? Prob not. Maybe tho. It’s true. I actually mean it. It’s corrupt. And they don’t like that word once I said it. I am protected sometimes, and other times u can get mixed up in the wrong crowd. Wrong place wrong time. Sucks. Sucks the money. It’s as much as a Cartier bracelet. When it’s locked on your wrist u can now think about the equivalent value of it. U might as well lock it on so good they can’t get it off even for “there” and engrave your lawyers phone # on it. I wonder if they would cut it off. I don’t think so but idk.
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