Find the Freedom Kingdom

Ideas for us. It’s about change cuz old ways are in need of changing. We can’t sit here accepting and letting things keep taking and taking. We need to break rules for a shift in perspective. I’m feeling protected. The people all immigrating and nobody’s respecting. We have to stop them from enprisoning our souls & from misdirecting. We are the people who need to break the rules that are not bringing us growth and treating us inhumanely.  We see it’s time to take courageous steps w faith into new territories which shatter old beliefs and walls of out dated perspectives. For Peace on Earth is our inspiration. A time for us all for Gods sake to be human beings wo haste, unlimited in ways, healers of Earth, happy and fair. Knowledge is everywhere. Sustaining the magic infinitely back to source. The lies don’t exactly work. We might have to do things that aren’t obeying the rules to shine awareness in stagnant places. Wrong to do what your told instead of feeding the ultimate appetite to be free. Who are we but friends of the honey making bumble bees? Infinite awareness, circling graciously for all to have some peace of the offerings, equal to receive, no need for greed. Mistle - Toe! That was close! Time to turn and talk w open hearts. This isn’t any way to obey a way, so useless to fear an untrecked road, majority rule. Minority our family too. Unwall, uncage us, money is the slave of us! Stop to listen, let’s not fight, open boarders open minds. Leaders will not waste our precious time. Inspire before we expire, instincts saving extinction is our desire! If your sick so am I as I lay here wining about. None of us are well if some of us are not. Breath your air the same we breathe, water rained and then in drought must be hiding from your mouth. Mixed up bellies full of poisons, killing us by the thousands. Who r u to take and take? And treat things like it’s not ok? Nature is way more mature than u have ever been before! For giving you w things to cure. Perfection pulled and playful hacks to avoid all the attack. It’s us together more than ever to lead the vessel con más besos. Hi, I don’t believe the hype you feed. You sell us news we want to read. Clicks that steal our precious moments confusing the ride from our focus. More things we do, we need to tend to and keep like new. Trashing our one time use. Love each thing it’s here on this planet, take your time, stop the rushing. We can heal the world if we wish, to set the record towards abundance and a fresh clean slate. 

Please, Thank you, love you, kisses, fate. 

Holding the Peace.

As a prayer holds power and we think of all the ones to send Gods blessing of peace and love and unity. I noticed that our own piece of peace is what each of us needs to hold lovingly. We can better take care of each other having our internal light and awareness bright and well balanced, our piece of the Peace puzzle, our channel of Love united as conciousness. Nations of human beings uniting as one race the human race and our planet the Earth planet. She needs us to listen with our ears to hear before making Art. That the Ohm is not in harmony our home is needing to be heard. She doesn’t ask very much but gives too much. Mama Pachamama guiding force that cleans our messes and helps us to grow showering us in gifts of abundance and beauty. Rainbows of fruits and water to drink and bathe in. Sunrises and sunsets and nights to find rest. Flowing rivers and blooming flowers, w healing powers. Noah’s Arc of all the animals. Behold the beauty and bless all others. Agua de luz agua del cielo, Pachamama vienes del cielo. Limpia, limpia, limpia corazón, sana sana sana corazón… En tus ojos de Aqua infinita, se bañan las estrellitas MAMÁ Agua de luz agua del cielo pachamama vienes del cielo… en tus ojos de agua infinita se bañan las estrellitas PAPA. Xoxoxoxo 

The art of seduction

Is insinuating more than being direct. So charming them w what they might work better for them not being about your needs but that of the other. Ideas that could compliment and enchant them more than blatant advice sounding like mundane chores we more like inspire it through psychology more musical and romantic. I haven’t been practicing this form of art. I have been too straight up and it isn’t as enchanting. Always expressing my own needs and not taking the time to dive into the perspective and journey of another. Of course I want to know and I’m good at entertaining the possibilities I see for another. A pleasurable discussion between two human beings with loving words that bring each other up, showing you care, since you do. This is what is beautiful and the art of seduction. I feel like it’s feminine bc it’s softness and guiding without it being forceful. This is why ppl feel they have to guard and defend themselves the energy was not allowing and trusting them to take their path. As we improve oursleves we learn that getting ppl to do what we want has to look good for them in their eyes and feel like a wonderful idea, that’s why one would wana do it. This isn’t that hard to do but it’s difficult to remember when in either way we mean well. When what is communicated might mean the same but resonate so differently. Presented with allure or bluntly it’s really like reading a book by a different author or finding a guru who’s words melt your heart. 

The art of seduction

Is insinuating more than being direct. So charming them w what they might work better for them not being about your needs but that of the other. Ideas that could compliment and enchant them more than blatant advice sounding like mundane chores we more like inspire it through psychology more musical and romantic. I haven’t been practicing this form of art. I have been too straight up and it isn’t as enchanting. Always expressing my own needs and not taking the time to dive into the perspective and journey of another. Of course I want to know and I’m good at entertaining the possibilities I see for another. A pleasurable discussion between two human beings with loving words that bring each other up, showing you care, since you do. This is what is beautiful and the art of seduction. I feel like it’s feminine bc it’s softness and guiding without it being forceful. This is why ppl feel they have to guard and defend themselves the energy was not allowing and trusting them to take their path. As we improve oursleves we learn that getting ppl to do what we want has to look good for them in their eyes and feel like a wonderful idea, that’s why one would wana do it. This isn’t that hard to do but it’s difficult to remember when in either way we mean well. When what is communicated might mean the same but resonate so differently. Presented with allure or bluntly it’s really like reading a book by a different author or finding a guru who’s words melt your heart. 

The art of seduction

Is insinuating more than being direct. So charming them w what they might work better for them not being about your needs but that of the other. Ideas that could compliment and enchant them more than blatant advice sounding like mundane chores we more like inspire it through psychology more musical and romantic. I haven’t been practicing this form of art. I have been too straight up and it isn’t as enchanting. Always expressing my own needs and not taking the time to dive into the perspective and journey of another. Of course I want to know and I’m good at entertaining the possibilities I see for another. A pleasurable discussion between two human beings with loving words that bring each other up, showing you care, since you do. This is what is beautiful and the art of seduction. I feel like it’s feminine bc it’s softness and guiding without it being forceful. This is why ppl feel they have to guard and defend themselves the energy was not allowing and trusting them to take their path. As we improve oursleves we learn that getting ppl to do what we want has to look good for them in their eyes and feel like a wonderful idea, that’s why one would wana do it. This isn’t that hard to do but it’s difficult to remember when in either way we mean well. When what is communicated might mean the same but resonate so differently. Presented with allure or bluntly it’s really like reading a book by a different author or finding a guru who’s words melt your heart. 

Mr. Sandman

https://youtu.be/VNUgsbKisp8

Love to write.

Fighting off or surrendering some lower back pains from traveling. My luggage was overweight bringing TAMBONITAs for my cousins to wear in Vegas then they made me carry the extra luggage so I did and I wish I didn’t. When your hurt the airport sucks. I dream of the day we care enough about one another that the design for everything feel that way instead of crunching numbers and square footage w heavy doors and things made to fit a budget when I believe the small differences to be sometimes better in the long run. I mean a foot? What’s a foot now to a comfortable returning customer. I’m just sayin guys! It feels like just squished to my limit and so it’s a bit pushing my limits and I know I’m not the only one. I hate cheap ppl lol. WHERE was I going w this? Oh and btw they never wore the TAMBONITAs bc we got that busy, well u know, priorities or choices. It was a busy week and I had enough w the events planned, I wanted to hit up the spa and it was closed at the hotel lol, try try try again LOL. I was in bed before midnight every night which is not the usual me but when I do go out it’s prob going to lead me out a while. I wanted to go to Terrace the last night well morning in town but didn’t go in the end. Lots of shows and things going on there. I need a sleep boost to catch up. The key got stuck in my lock when I went back to work, had to get the locksmith to cut the lock which set me back a lot bc I was pissed I was gona miss my yoga. I really wish I could monkey through those trees right there lol… like fewww out the window and like my arms be my ride… SUP! Lol. Sit down on the branch there, hang, u know. Oh and I need my phone to find me when I lose it. I’m over looking for it. I don’t need u! I’m better wo u! Lol. It’s a blessing when I forget u. Noticing the amount of negative trash talk w celebrity tabloid news like what a bunch of venom junk for Ppls ghetto ass heads! Basura! Y Basta! 

This monkey needs a chimney slide from the roof… idk why I’m a monkey now lol, never thought of myself as a monkey but guess what! I had that monkey puppet that I would velcro the arms around my neck… I was not even over it quick, that’s so funny. We are apes guys! We r herbivores! So eat more fruits and veggies and lemon water and stop killing animals!!!! You are contributing to the pain and suffering of these innocent animals and to that of our world! Let’s do this! Let’s seriously let ALL ANIMALS BE HAPPY & FREE!!!!! I love those Irish hills, I’d love to be a cow there on a sunny day. Fuck! I loooove Cows! I want a cow friend lol. I saved a huge monarch butterfly that got caught in a spider web in my backyard. Without hurting the wing I had to get her out and she was orange and Huge! I realized why I had to be exactly there at that moment. When I got home later that day I was greeted by a rat, a cat… like looking in the eyes LOL. I’m like ok I guess I’m popular now w the animal points or something, cool! But seriously Cinderella vibes. 

Have I mentioned that I can’t just hook up w random dudes rn and that I’m so picky I don’t see guys I like maybe one in 10 years! It what it is, protecting my energy idk. I just don’t want to hook up w random dudes or date from apps. You find me and u work your magnetic power and talk in person. I’m old school. Don’t be asking me stupid questions on a first date that everyone can hear us on our first date… I CANT. I WONT. So basically to even be seen in public w u now has its levels. I don’t have time for all the weirdness I need shit to flow. Please leave me alone and let me breathe and help me shine. Watch out for me, be my friend, get to know me… it’s a process, but I’m open to getting deep, ask me something good, teach me something, I’m testing 1,2,3…too. Gota get the astrology out of the way, I don’t have time for any more mistakes unless it’s a beautiful mistake maybe that’s ok cuz life is that. Don’t hurt me. Don’t think your gona use me. Or get money out of me. You are taking this lady out and let me not even notice the checks coming. I have paid for men my entire fucking life. I have never been w a truly successful man. I’ve had 5 pretty solidly serious relationships for diff reasons of growth and stuff. I’ve never been the type to chase money. I wasn’t trained like that. I didn’t know that would be an issue. Men have not been good to me. It’s true. Men have not been what I needed or deserved or dreamed of. They smothered me or cheated on me or complicated my life, or just weren’t for ME, usually fine w letting me pay. I rather be single bro. Sorry. No shame. Ppl say I can have a baby and don’t need a man… I do need a man! But the right man for this right woman is the only thing getting through these heavenly gates. Ppl are theives, ppl aren’t quick and aware enough, ppl have immoral values compared to mine or like to laugh at ppl getting hurt or destruction… no Thank u. What is the point? Of it. I need clarity… what do u really want from me? I want to know if I can do that and for the guy who makes me feel excited and loved and safe and seen and protected… am I missing anything? It shouldn’t be this hard LOL. 

Hahaha

Hard Rock! Ok so, it’s the smell, it’s the caresses, it’s the breath, it’s the horario, tu ritmo, tus deseos, am I treated like “babe going to go be w the boys” and ur just going after the next best thing… I’m not. I’m asking for a lil RESPECT. What does that mean to u. Bc I want to respect u. I lose respect and that’s it… it’s tarnished. That happens usually from bc I just see that I don’t want this anymore! I’m like MY TEAM IS A TEAM LOL. Like tie your shoe and clean your car and get your shit together. That should A never happen and B you do it and it doesn’t happen again and C hahhahaha THE NEXT GUY CANNOT DO THAT BC THATS A BAD EXAMPLE BUT U KNOW WHAT I MEAN. That was a picture I painted. I need ready, slick, smooth, easy, moving, stoping, loving, enjoying, going, inspired, happy, proud, appreciative, sincere, sexy. 

This is a lot I know but I think he’s out there somewhere. I know I’m a catch just missing my other half. 

I’m busy btw, things will take time. We need the time to learn and grow it’s the challenges that bring us closer together. I need to know u. And all this time that we don’t have we better EN JOY. 

Ayayayyyyyyy

Quiero conocerte y eso es quererte. 

Adios! 

In Rat Mode…

https://youtu.be/3NPxqXMZq7o

Travel to the Taj Mahal

The Hindu Temple in India is one of the 7 wonders of the world that I’d like to visit. All 7 wonders of the world are worth a visit. I wonder if theirs such a thing as a tour to see them all. That sounds like an ideal way to spend a honey moon or take the trip of your lifetime as a retired adult. I guess I’ll look into it and find out bc experiencing these must shape a person to live in such gratitude. 

—————

Writing to expand on self-love and self-expression and for my creative pleasure. I like to write, I can say I love to write… I’m beginning to see the need and feel the deep desire to express myself in a more positive way, channeling more with source. They say I should ask and listen to Creative Source Power to work with it, being more aware of the spiritual practice it is to be creative. Honestly it’s pretty new to me and I may have been expressing myself through ego or even anger or whatever thinking I was alone for this voyage of creation but I have allowed myself to open into the flow and I’ve seen some pretty interesting things happen in my writings, definitely in my dancing, the signs that emerge pointing to new ideas, the prayers that led me to gifts, asking and receiving, not always getting what I wanted but this is the path for me and r we aware of all the options coming when we really don’t take nearly as many. Sometimes we don’t see and things go missed. Timing is everything in the equation, one of the variables & if u are ready. So life is more fragile than I thought & so am I. It’s time to practice more self-love… and no better time than the present. No matter how u feel u can use a lil self-love to nurture your soul, give yourself the gift of care and kindness, nourish your system through the healthiest foods and drinks, stretch your body through yoga and the breath. Exercising with cardio games in the sunshine, wellness now is everywhere we turn w sound healing & massage, and so much more. We find that we do deserve it and it helps our lives tremendously. Raising Our collective mood, conciousness and cleanliness affecting our thinking into vibrations of gratitude and joy where we should be. This is the effort we all have to make to improve the planet, one choice at a time. Like a pledge, a serious commitment to find our freedom through responsibility and sacrifice. It should be smooth and fun! No more fighting, and Good Must Prevail! 

Stop and listen for answers, awareness, acceptance, compassion, more love. We r here to help one another, “to help walk each other home” RamDas. Those of us who know better can advise or reach out to the others. Step away from segregation and cliques that seperate and are hurtful. Break the patterns and grow. Seeing more smiling friends in our communities! Everybody unique in their way, this small adjustment should only take a few minutes here and there everyday.

Travel to the Taj Mahal

The Hindu Temple in India is one of the 7 wonders of the world that I’d like to visit. All 7 wonders of the world are worth a visit. I wonder if theirs such a thing as a tour to see them all. That sounds like an ideal way to spend a honey moon or take the trip of your lifetime as a retired adult. I guess I’ll look into it and find out bc experiencing these must shape a person to live in such gratitude. 

—————

Writing to expand on self-love and self-expression and for my creative pleasure. I like to write, I can say I love to write… I’m beginning to see the need and feel the deep desire to express myself in a more positive way, channeling more with source. They say I should ask and listen to Creative Source Power to work with it, being more aware of the spiritual practice it is to be creative. Honestly it’s pretty new to me and I may have been expressing myself through ego or even anger or whatever thinking I was alone for this voyage of creation but I have allowed myself to open into the flow and I’ve seen some pretty interesting things happen in my writings, definitely in my dancing, the signs that emerge pointing to new ideas, the prayers that led me to gifts, asking and receiving, not always getting what I wanted but this is the path for me and r we aware of all the options coming when we really don’t take nearly as many. Sometimes we don’t see and things go missed. Timing is everything in the equation, one of the variables & if u are ready. So life is more fragile than I thought & so am I. It’s time to practice more self-love… and no better time than the present. No matter how u feel u can use a lil self-love to nurture your soul, give yourself the gift of care and kindness, nourish your system through the healthiest foods and drinks, stretch your body through yoga and the breath. Exercising with cardio games in the sunshine, wellness now is everywhere we turn w sound healing & massage, and so much more. We find that we do deserve it and it helps our lives tremendously. Raising Our collective mood, conciousness and cleanliness affecting our thinking into vibrations of gratitude and joy where we should be. This is the effort we all have to make to improve the planet, one choice at a time. Like a pledge, a serious commitment to find our freedom through responsibility and sacrifice. It should be smooth and fun! No more fighting, and Good Must Prevail! 

Stop and listen for answers, awareness, acceptance, compassion, more love. We r here to help one another, “to help walk each other home” RamDas. Those of us who know better can advise or reach out to the others. Step away from segregation and cliques that seperate and are hurtful. Break the patterns and grow. Seeing more smiling friends in our communities! Everybody unique in their way, this small adjustment should only take a few minutes here and there everyday.

I remember when…

Meticulously acute … directed upon target. Target so wide its blurred the aim. The velvet path entails the bulls eye, a circular hypnosis of abstraction 

Reaching out! Like sweet Caroline!  We sang so many songs last night, today is a new day of peace. The wave coming to crash. Seashell patterns and ridges. Giant Feathers as palm trees under the water, whimsical. Winding. Sliding down tunnels w no gravity. Incredible combinations of texture and color in the reefs. A sample like city w flying cars, hungry fishes w fangs. Blood as a floating oil spill, sharks blind by the bait. 

How deep can we go in short time. Risking our life! Extending the breath. Indescribable unique mathematical equations to get our answers, challenge in search of? What? 

With Precise Awareness

Meticulously acute … directed upon target. Target so wide its blurred the aim. The velvet path entails the bulls eye, a circular hypnosis of abstraction 

Reaching out! Like sweet Caroline!  We sang so many songs last night, today is a new day of peace. The wave coming to crash. Seashell patterns and ridges. Giant Feathers as palm trees under the water, whimsical. Winding. Sliding down tunnels w no gravity. Incredible combinations of texture and color in the reefs. A sample like city w flying cars, hungry fishes w fangs. Blood as a floating oil spill, sharks blind by the bait. 

How deep can we go in short time. Risking our life! Extending the breath. Indescribable unique mathematical equations to get our answers, challenge in search of? What? 

Done Deal

 In the past few days I found some important notebooks (The ones from my CHOPRA retreat) 

I intended to get home and re-write my notes back in Jan but I misplaced my notebook w my notes. I was devastated. These r the things that really set me back. I want to throw in the towel literally bc I don't know what else to do bc my intentions were good but somehow I can't even go onnnn... I try and then this! 

So I go on w like a slump in my back, w a frown that might go upside down but im down.

Then also my book, "The Artists Way" I lost that too. bc I took it everywhere and I shouldn't have. I thought it would appear and it never did so I just got a new one. 

Feeling ridiculous.

These are a few of my favorite things btw. Anyway, I think Im caught up pretty much now. This time Im better and I had to start over on my book and of course I missed some super important things. 

The contract. The contract that I had to make w myself. I signed it just last night and Im really proud. The words in the contract really resonated. I never actually read it last time. So, I think this is perfect timing if you ask me. FINALLY.

My duties are to write 3 morning pages in my notebook and to take myself out on an "artist date" once a week. I will do it. 

Morning pages are time with You & God. Just Support Yourself!

Doing this will help YOU (be less frustrated lol).

NUTURE YOURSELF, Nurture your connection to The Great Creator. 

watch it unfold and paths appear, trust and move in faith... by using your GIFT; Creativity

techniques you learn will allow u to teach others.

self-doubt --------------------------- to----------------------self-expression

Have Faith, You're on the right track. 

You are.

Keep healing...

Gift of Gratitude

How does that joker song go? Shake your peaches? Coconuts are the trees we r climbing here today, and coconuts are seeds for a new tree! Peaches have the seed inside the peach pizza like a globe. The globe stand was something I thought was interesting… for a Rock display, on a tripod. Sorta hung to be spun, the only way a bell can do it’s ring. We have the mariachi shakers w seeds inside for instruments, I’m thinking we can Upcycle trash instead and save all the seeds so they grow. If we did we would be guided correctly to know the value of a whole tree is extremely valuable as opposed to the immediate gratification of a coconut, so amazing, so indulgent. The stem cells ppl should be working w that instead of the peak of the pyramid like suddenly going to mars w the zillions of dollars when let’s decompose our trash, save the icebergs and rid the pesticides and GMO, roundup poisons that we have discovered now like 20 years ago and not made any resposible and sensible changes bc their is no authority doing the job correctly bc they have to pick the best way to respect nature instead of make easy money. Money doesn’t even exist to me at this point. Bc it’s like choosing to plant a seed instead of taking the profit of a coconut, any coco nut factory should be a mini paradise to visit w waterfalls like the chocolate factory but the image of heaven and utmost health. The most important place for our collective binoculars to focus. 

We were taught in school ONE THING that made sense to me. It was that juman basic needs are Water, Food, shelter, clothing. They eventually taught us that we needed also money so we get that by working. They forgot to tell us about friends and family and following our dreams and inspiration for knowledge and growth and eventually I met the importance of spirituality bc I needed to trust and talk to someone so I did w my angels and ancestors and not everyone feels the need to do this which I can accept it for them but I prefer to believe that I’m being guided and loved and can feel the power that is all around me and always there and how many blessings we are blind to notice. This is a real wonderland and I’m not the only Alice, we aren’t all an Alice either. If someone is more atheist they are choosing to be more realistic and that they are in control through their efforts and less relying on the invisible like some are very much in the clouds. A balance is so important. Life is so forgiving and the silly growing pains eventually won’t be avoided. Nothing is sure! Everything is having its fluctuations, ups and downs are a natural way for a system. 

Jobs put pressure on ppl to get them to get more sales make more profit MORE MORE MORE! And very cut throat ways were like leaches of greed and pyramid schemes and products sometimes could even improve. But the speed of technology and the dollar and how much to invest into it when it’s already just about making some. I see the need for improvement but also the cheaper prices were more accessible so more of interest, more demand, more profitable, immidiate and fast was more important than well made or of quality. We cheated ourselves for being cheap and it cost us pollution and damage but unable to quantify a difference. A moment of happiness added beauty and saving money was a choice we made, decisions declaring our stance when we weren’t able to see the full picture of the decision to make the fully proper decision. We have to forgive ourselves for that and use the experience to improve the ones we have ahead. Our abundance is in jeopardy if we can awaken to the power in our priorities and see big enough to decide for ourselves, strength in oursleves while observing all the influences and temptations placed precisely on our path. Come back to the drawing board, the knowledge u have of your own self care and that you don’t have to feel bad about taking the time for yourself, it’s not like the choice of having the coconut, this is closer to planting yourself to better ground in case of a hurricane, the tree your are needs the water and sunlight etc to be the strongest healthiest it can be for the variables and to make the very best coconuts of its kind for them to be either enjoyed or planted for the future. What a job! And a tree can’t even move or speak to get what they need. They solely rely on nature and us human KIND beings TO help and create that beautiful exchange that’s WHAT REALLY MATTERS. Every single Coconut tree Matters and the earth they are planted in, the water they drink, the appreciation of more human KIND beings acknowledging them and appreciating to hang their hammocks. 

This is the MOST THING THAT MAY MATTER. We learn how to love from our families and situations, maybe even Hollywood… but they didn’t teach us how to love a tree. We don’t even see trees when we shop for our food. We need help to get back to the basics. These are all relationships. 

Bless our Abundance and love all that u have as well as what u don’t have bc it’s yours too it’s just not in your possession. We are sharing all the things and you already have it all. Realize that having less may be a blessing. Less to keep track of and take care of, be happy for those who can enjoy things and we all get our turn at successes, lessons and hydrating heavenly coconuts 🥥🌴 right out of Gods palm. Amazing spiral life line! 🌀Enjoy!!!

   /\/\/\/\/\/\\\\

    🔆.         //|

*🌀🌀%.     \\\

     Lo.        v❓\

  ~♾~.           ##

     WWww.     |||\\\

               (.     )

               (.     )

      

    

Birds eye view

“Looking for a heart like it’s food to sustain me. Looking for a heart but don’t see one in sight. Looking for a heart to warm me. Looking for the heart to help me heal from the fright.” Thought the little bird in his head over and over, looking outside of himself for something he felt was lacking

So The bird kept flying and flying and finally asked God for guidance, He showed the bird a diff perspective. “Little one, it’s difficult to see the perfect masterpiece that’s been created when your a part of it…You give me such joy when I see you fly happily through the blue sky, just trust that you are part of the wonderful magic and without your joyful singing and swooping their is not as much beauty.” 

The bird understood he was the love like the peak of a heart itself! He flew now w a greater intention believing he did it with purpose, to make God happy. He flew without fear and without any desire. He felt he had a big job as the beautiful free bird in someone else’s grand view. 

\/

Slow Down to UPLIFT...

 with a smile its all worthwhile. We are all connected and as one may rise we can rise up together. Hurt ppl hurt ppl and the only way to cure their painful pattern is through love and care. The strong ones have to lend a helping hand, reach out to help, give a compliment, take a risk of a scenario for someone in need, something that may not help you on your path but to help another. Boundaries are doing this in small doses but finding time to allow something unknown to happen bc your more prepared to face adversity. At times Surprise! I was surprised! Somebody showed gratitude for my hospitality and guidance and washed my dishes before leaving when nobody really ever has! Your kindness went to the right place and thats why u chose not to judge from the start.

I feel that some traveling needs to happen but id like to find the places Im looking for. Going places aimlessly doesn't always work and it won't work for this time. Distance can be an issue, shipping from far isn't as good as id like it to be. I think the only way is spending some time there. Not one place but maybe many... what each place has to offer and doing trials and to do it all right it might need investors. I feel like some of this is already done and just a phone call away for the ones who know but the phone call has a value and so it seems an expensive 

Connected to the Universe.

SOLID GOLD 444

Stand strong! Be grounded. Solid, not able to break, swirve or fall. Maybe a little bendy but more strong and solid. Like a tree trunk, hundreds of years old, in no hurry, so patient, you have no idea. The years are rings like auras like veins in the wood. The tissue now bleached, then rolled in w a pattern. What if we make bigger ones then paper hangs over our heads? Like a larger oval? Or something? Why not? Or hooked like through a telephone wire… idk Y! I’ve seen the stuff blowing in the wind… in Blue Man Group… in stupidities countless times… but I’m still looking for a better way like a slinky one maybe but if it were band aids! Fruit roll up! Yea w neosporine in the scotch tape thing design… but it’snicknamed  “meos” and your name is Corine or something… and your going to a wine tasting tomorrow so your mind is already there not here in the present. The present has a bow… a wide ribbon bow, it’s so beautiful it’s reusable and double sided so u can gift it w a diff color than u even recieved it and u just love that bc you love the size, the fabric, the color of the bow. You can do so much w it… u can make a gift look elegant or wear it in your hair or wrap it around your wrist. You might be able to slice it in half and use both pieces as shoe laces but they aren’t usually THAT generous lol. It’s a lil see through so as a eye Sheild u can still see… so u think…if only I had more of this stuff! And u pull on it and learn that it actually strecltches!!! Like stretch Armstrong the ribbon can be as long as u want! It’s pretty much all u need! I don’t know how it will recede so u stop pulling as much cuz u don’t wana over do it! Til when will it give? I don’t want to know til I have a reason 4… ever! The ribbon didn’t need a roll it was stretchy! It was like endless, like stalkings, like feathers. Like the curls from the scissor, like it grows and can be manipulated. But now it’s wrapped around your arms as a sleeve and Velcro strapped around the body in endless ways… ssss $ ssss you are the vertical line through the S’s you are the value, the worth the reason, the choice, it’s yours, if u like it or not May not change but it is only you that’s important. Fluctuation surrounds u, but you must feel the power of u and your choice.  The way you do anything is how u do everything and so that is YOU… that is U… that’s The “I”in the $…

Reminds me of when I used to cross my Z’s like a Zed and when the girls at the Sacred Heart school looked at it, they had never seen it. 

I want U

To want me. 

I forgot how many instruments are involved! How many Toilet Flushes! How many ups and downs of the LID

LID looks like UP LOL

Who cares… well… it’s cuz I’m looking for inspo EVERYWHERE!!!! And I find it! I white it down: somewhere else! :) ooooooooowwwphhhhhjj

Tin can

Snakel POP, drill, drop, Boom, brush, smack , zoom by goes a car, AC vents shattering, zilling, zipping, shutting, brupity boo why am I still up and waiting? Shatter, ting! Cat food cans? Whats going on in there? I move and a zipper rattles high pitched, cheap. Hold it together. Alarming.

But it’s a clock, one of the rectangles is bigger than the other 

All Evolving…

Noticing the trees sway and little animals outside my window. Noticing that at the same time that I see what I see through my eyes out of my window view there is a whole world moving out of sight. The circle of life, the waves of happiness and sorrow, life and death, all evolving…

Don’t worry Be Happy

https://youtu.be/d-diB65scQU

Step your foot fwd…

Lavender velvet, pillowy kisses, Roxy smells like cupcakes, have u gotten a chance to sniff? vegan ones! 

But,

I can’t even say the truth of what’s going on right now. Have you noticed how private I am? Probably not bc you think this is a lot of “enseñando la braga” says a very INcredible person. “ Ayyyy I know”  that might be what it seems but it ain’t what it “seams” if u know what I mean. I be like… get yo shit straight yo like asap or gtfo lol… 

Taking Time

Time is love, love is patient, things emerge after you forget them. Time you can’t see passing by to be able to tell the time you asked. Morphing out of wood all your ideas turn into leaves. Sprouting at the seam, from the sun and drops of dew, those sweet kisses that u gave. Leaves that fall, fell once gone now to find a new unknown, trusting To take the fall for all who grow, a risk… in the autumn brisk, It’s fall after all. 

Words can paint or say n spit. Pick the way, like fruit  w  judgement. Leaving some all the others to enjoy. Plenty, abundant!  In deed so, they’ll keep comin’! They once showed me a tree upside down which sends signals beneath the ground! Breathing deep and drinking plenty, warm w worms. Up top Giving birds a home, and the ones who dare a new perspective. Fresh up high or down down under, two entire worlds entertwined in time in unison. Multi-directional, A lovely home for those who dream it. 

“Don’t cut them down, these are our lungs! 

Not only mine but yours as well, they purify the oxygen, Our homes are here and we ask nothing! But Grow with us and take what you need… but not just break… the time, spend it here, it’s endless. Ever is who it’s for! Find her”, they say

Forget the clock! the tree will tell! The time we spent up in that tree looking for Ever, the girl with the long lasting promise… 

Heads…

Shoulders, Knees and Toes… Knees and Toes!

Eyes and Ears and … what else does it say? It resonates w me at this moment… like everything is falling apart and breaking even body parts r getting hurt n such. Roxy is getting better and getting her staples out today. I’m wearing my neck brace as I type this… it’s pink and so is my sweater… no bottoms. Down comforter. Well panties lol Marilyn Monroe they say. She’s staring at the door from a framed photograph of her in a theatre w her legs up … she looks like she has white feathers coming off of her head but she doesn’t,,, it’s an optical illusion… she looks Cabaret Marilyn in white in a Boss position. The all white look against the deep red theatre chairs make her the eye catch, but when is she not? My brother bought me this and it’s one of the nicest gifts I’ve ever received. I was always a Marilyn fan and collected everything Marilyn. When ppl knew, that was always the way to go as for a gift. I learned about Marilyn from my Cuban Grandmother Aida whom I’m named after… Tamara Aida… Tamara Aida Diaz… my name has a palindrome. It all looks like a palindrome but whatever it’s weird bc it took me a long time to notice it and I was given signs in numbers that were palindromes… over and over … I started writing them down… it was so weird, so strange… I became obsessed bc I always say a palindrome… I made a piece of art w some of the numbers and need to continue bc it makes a room full of Palindromes and it’s so powerful and like a code of some sort, maybe if I fill the room w the Palindrome paintings we will all take off and fly up into the air and burst into island planets lol. 

My knee is all better now, shoulder feels alright, feet could use a foot massage. Offer a foot massage to somebody you love this weekend… they prob never had one before hahaha or more probable really needed one! 

Do more nice things for others. 

Think.

Love Ya

TAMZ

Can I ask you a question?

Not me. Makes me have crazy anxiety that one would ask. What possibly could it be? Why would I wana hear it and especially bc they asked it wasnt the Right time… I realized it may never be… that all is just information… I forgave them. I just rather … everything be right….

But the feeling was . They r testing me, it’s all… they all in it… everyone is in it! Even me. I’m not making it to the farmers market… I don’t have time to be pissed off at myself, or anyone else for that matter. Idk what I’m trying to say here but I’m hearing the sounds of the city and I miss Roxy Girl! She Better Knowww. The just only asked if “can I ask you a question” Lol.

I have secrets… 

I don’t say my things… I live like in a mystery, so mysterious that even the obvious would be in code. Oh I miss Roxy, Oh!

& no, You may not.

Ni lo digo…

Ni lo digo!

Ni Lo Digo.

La tipa que se llevó el collar, no coje el teléfono. Le gusta el collarrr. Es tonta. Todo es nuestro !!! Hasta cuando lo quieres? Sabes que es mío? Hasta que es verdaderamente tuyo! Tonta! Todo es de nosotros! Todo es alquilado! Todo es una tontería. Todo es una mierda hasta que lo necesites! Por eso se da…. Da lo, no lo rompas no es listo que me lo quites. It’s ours. It’s all ours in the end. Don’t be silly. It’s important to know how to share… Maria… 

Change of Plan…

It’s always a change of plan tho so I’m flexible. For me it’s like I try to go to sleep wanting to accomplish a whole lot and then all these things shuffle and move and adjust… I’m happy if half of it happens! It feels like… This is how it is ppl. 

So I’m getting adjoined to the rhythm… not mad… always was a tough situation mid day any city. I am not surprised, I feel like this one time… this one time being now lol… they r trying me lol … to see what ima do… I’m not surprised, I’m ready, I’m flexible, I’m smiling, I’m outside, I head the wind speaking… I’m supposed to keep track of Roxy but she’s so smart she’s human… she’s around the bend… 

Need more water lol. For myself mainly.

What water is for us… wow.

Terrible hot pink nails, didn’t mean to… just had to.

So I’m here to speak of this other thing… I never get to it…

I had a class… the class started Friday… it’s 3 days. I fail. I’m winning tho if u look at it this other way.. I’m free! 

The lavender lace panties and Royal blue bralette look good w the redic pink nail do. 

I would not wish this upon anybody but this is how I got my biggest Tattoo… once upon a time nobody knew I had this day off… I curated it… oh so nonchalantly… causing permanence to my body forever! Lol jahahaha it’s the way it had to go. For me. I love it…. I only advise u always get a tattoo by a great tattoo artist ONLY. ;)

Unheard of…

She’s ok… Roxy. We have seen a lot:.. but dogs don’t neet to travel much, they appreciate being with us. She’s extraordinary, really tho. My ears feel plugged… am I on a flying vessel? How would we know? Ommmm feeling it lol 😆 

A moving space shuttle but it’s loving tho lol 😆 

I’m … Weeee r moving ppl!!!! 

Watch out! We r moovinggg

Wow

Marvelous

Keeping close tabs w my agenda. The kind u write in and fill your days w duties, knocking off the to do’s one at a time, spreading them out to be a winner. I know I can do it. I am doing it. Order is so important and not over booking yourself. Having enough time for yourself, brings so much peace. I feel successful, wise, healthy, clear headed, generous, kind, abundant, not perfect but able to make good judgements for myself, witnessing the abundance. I got my period yesterday so now I know why I was feeling down. It’s a constant up and down flow for me and I guess not only me and maybe not just women? I mean women affect men… we can build them up and break em down, we don’t always know what we’re doing. We r emotional, flowing, moody things. We are pretty amazing but we r not men! We need men to be men so we can be more woman. We are all so amazing. Been reading about Enneagrams and it’s like another astrology form for personality types and understanding ourselves and how to reach others. It’s a lot of great information out there, I’m into it. 

I hope I can learn the good parts and be a better human for myself, my family & my community. So much potential to discover and use when advising and inspiring others. 

So Thankful,

Always,

TAM

“I feel for you…”

I have that song in my head here feeling for myself lol. Been getting wasted obviously and I’m so over it. I have a terrible shoulder pain that goes and comes back it’s like a part of me now… it’s not letting me sleep tonight. I keep stretching it myself, haven’t gone to yoga in ages, I’m good then I go a lil too far out and it’s happening now a lil more than ever. I tried to get a therapist, I guess I have to keep trying. I was up late doing some color research for the bags and to do some new stuff that I feel inspired by. Everything is such a process! I should have slept better tonight I even had Blue Lotus Tea that I bought for my father. It helps relax the muscles and dream etc opening 3rd eye etc. I wish there were monkeys on this tree out this window lol it’s a huge tree, perf for monkey swinging lol. Today was not a good day man, I mean it wasn’t terrible just really didn’t feel well, didn’t sleep enough and I’m living in pain. I just keep on truckin! I’ve been riding a lot of bike, went in the ocean day before yesterday, eating good super healthy the occasional zag and it’s just only the alcohol that’s poison to me and my brain 🧠. I do stupid shit and get obnoxious, I know bc I see the videos, I hear myself and I don’t drink all the time but recently I’ve just been on one thinking I want to get fucked up bc I can’t do it all the time so when I do it’s like I’m going harder. This truly is recent. I know how to handle my liquor but I REALLY don’t like how I get and it doesn’t stop bc the next day I need a drink etc and then the evening rolls in and I’m in the mood again. I’ve been slacking on my flow for MYSELF… I’m upset at how ppl handle things and then I choose to go balls to the wall and I don’t need anybody to do it with! That’s the other thing! It’s nobody’s fault but mine, I’m the no limit soldier. I mean it’s not even that much but it’s too much for me and I see that I’m more to myself, don’t even wana be w ppl, either at work or at my house pretty much. Dealing w shit and not dealing w shit. And I don’t even have that many distractions, they are from myself. I think I need a Reiki sesh w Grace and I should finish my Reiki studies too. I know what I have to do and I’m doing a lot but I have an anxiety like I have to write here to even feel better from the weirdness it’s like a pattern I’ve created. (Nobody reads this but everyone can,,, I act like I’m crazy but I’m really not… just nobody acts out like showing the crazy, nobody does that… so I’m not crazy I’m just letting u see my crazy but I’m more not crazy than crazy actually, in case u were wondering bc I can pretty much HEAR your thoughts from here lol.) it’s adjusting, I like to read, I lost that book idk where I put it dammit Tammy. ;)

I have to say I have to also be proud of myself, so much is happening here trying to keep the brand alive. Not a big team and already having difficulty w two of the new ppl… one isn’t trained enough to go home and her time needs to be bettter, the other guy actually said he doesn’t wana work w me while I drink… I didn’t get mad at him for saying it but he was drinking too so but whatever. Then says when he knows about my deadline that he got busy w his work so he bailed on helping me according to plan. I think I have a new girl now coming and the one I do jewelry with is an older lady who is such a beautiful person and she gets me and we get along. So it’s tiring to do this and chase after ppl and deal w the lies and the overall repetitive process I’ve been doing this for like 7yrs or something. The warehouse is getting more organized and I like being in there but I don’t have much of a life besides that which is also my choice. July is Busy! But I need to decide if I should go take a trip maybe Oaxaca? Find a factory in Mexico… fuck it! I can go alone I can do it all!!! So I need to heal, I need major healing, I need to do some apologizing, some new hobby’s to open me up to new exciting things and people. YouTube videos have been helping and I know there are some podcasts. I don’t like TV much either. I love my bed and being outside in nature, I love my dog, my family, to dance, to be my authentic self but the better version, I know how awesome I AM! I like to learn things, embrace change and be a leader but my my life is a challenge. I like to write, I like to express myself and get deep. I want to do what I love w others who love it w me. I like native aywaska songs and sunsets, boat rides, being active, helping others. I like all that I am constantly trying to do for myself, to improve, to be better, organized, on track w my planner, living consciously w daily and nightly questions. Healing myself constantly. It’s so easy to just not do every thing bc it’s a lot of things. It looks like u can’t move as fast without the proper team in place. I know what it’s like to have ppl around that want to work. It’s all doable and possible but I can’t do it all myself. I really am supposed to just do the “artist” thing more, design, research, make samples… but I shouldn’t even be talking to customers this much, I need production and then PR/marketing and the system to work and ppl to work who want to do this! Ok so enough about that. I can’t sleep. Maybe I need acupuncture! I also want to volunteer more and again soon. I will get through this! Just needed to let this out… need some hugs, massages, giggles and sunshine! My father needs me today, I will try again to sleep some. Take care, feel better. 

So what am I trying to say

I’ve said it all, said I don’t want anything to do with anything that’ll get me caught up w anything I don’t wana … 

Do o have to ?

If u wana put up w it u get an extra Hay! Gift! And I don’t really 

So  I’m sensitive enough to know that if u don’t answer when I called u twice on two diff time clock times… I see… you ain’t somebody to give a gxuk abooygj… I mean for me… your fake… but I already knew that… and u choose that… u ok… u just kake as fuk… I mean fake! Kake sounds yum lol.

The other issue is you say u love me too easily when it’s impossible, u actually don’t. I can’t say I love u back.. it’s like a weird pattern your used to and when I say I love u, even if it’s I love u too, I’m not going to lie, this is me telling u. I wana say I do, bc I prob do but it’s not an empty love, I guarantee that….

Here are my rules…

Be true/never lie

what’s up! keep me in the loop,..that’s love.

Love thy Tribe. Show it. 

Don’t segregate. INCLUSION. B an example.

Learn as much as u can. 

Don’t be too proud to apologize when it’s of value. 

Learn from others.

Be a flexible, positive soul.

If you’re negative pls stop reading… your a cheat sheet!

I should also stop making more rules since idk what I’m doing and can barely follow any lol. Not funny. 

Don’t and won’t be making cute and funny whatever things for ppl to approve of! hahaha! Neverrrr!!!  Choo choo! For the kookis lol 😆 

Needing Closure

I tend to need closure. So I create it. Was writing in a journal, doodling, watching you tube videos about things I wanted to learn about but I have to come here to night cap for some reason. Maybe I’m not the greatest writer, maybe I’m digging myself a hole by doing any of this. It could have the power to harm more than help… like that song says… forgot how it goes. It’s important that I change my ways to get true growth. A freakin deep analysis, brain check and who the heck does all this and keeps on w/o advisors or therapy lol in a world full of Life Coaches and healers I’m doing shitty wo a kayak to ride for my self help and a jacuzzi to go in for the muscle aches. That’s bc that’s what’s important to me and maybe the jacuzzi can wait but not the kayak but they r heavy to drag and I’m w no car. I also need to be able to read the weather for riding it. But the spa is closed LOL I can’t believe it! So I’m making my own spa. That’s it.!!!. 

“Breaking the Mind Barrier”

A book I found on the shelf and started to read to help me sleep turned into something I read for now some hours… it’s almost 5am and it’s been interesting I just know I have to rest! My eyes are starting to feel that feeling. It’s about colliding both art and science and the system of our bodies etc. I really enjoy it even it’s complexities and I want to keep reading but had to stop myself. Now I’m trying to write to help ease my mind from all those ideas and racing thoughts. We had dinner at Joni’s house and I barely ate but had enough. What to do to relax myself now? Idk. I’ve done stretches, I took a bath, I allowed myself a night cap beer but no… at this point it’s 5am maybe I should wake up early and go for a run but it’s pitch dark out right now. I was going to wake up at 8:30/9 and I should so I know by now that I just have to flow w it and if I didn’t sleep enough, deal w it and take a nap when u can and sleep more the following night I guess. I can not just be normal I guess, I loved being up late and reading tho! Why am I not allowed to just do that if it’s what I want to do for me? I wouldn’t read like that in the day, maybe on a weird day. I’m missing people that are like me and I know there r plenty of them but we should be clustered together more often. I probably needed more exercise to be more tired now. I spent the day w my Dad we went in the pool and he showed me his exercises and I had him try some new ones like balancing on one leg w hands in prayer etc. Roxy is here, the lights are off, I’m winding down… tomorrow I have some important things to do for biz, then drive back to miami for work and then I have a photoshoot to shoot the new products for the website finally bc so behind. So it’s a mix of prob anxiety and excitement and who knows but yea it’s obvious what I need lol. 

Time to count sheep and get myself at least 4hrs! 

🙏🏼

Sexy

Expressive writing now. I don’t usually write songs or poems but let me try one…

Feeling you in me

A Feeling thats lasting 

Endless what is this?

Feeling blue left me 

A feeling more mysterious

But smiles are on their way

warmth from that body

Kissing and squeezing

I’ll let u hold my face while I look into your eyes 

I will let you go too

Can we walk the same pace and make a good team?

Can we live in our dream?

Apart and together but birds of a feather

Desire me day and night

A love spell left me feeling fantastic

Things take time 

Make me your forever

It’s a shot in the dark

From nocturnal eyes

I hear us whisper and we don’t fight.

We’re always on, so turned on, 

Tell me who you are first 

so I Want you more

A crossing desire

Feeling each other’s skin as we breathe

Everything else is gone and we are just here,

A love capsule to taste, lick, suck, swallow, & tease.

Stay w me, let’s be free.

Tamara Aida Diaz 

I used to like Amber Heard

I wasn’t the biggest fan of Johnny so much honestly but the tables surely do turn. I guess it’s bc she’s younger and I see her mistakes and stupidity. The little hanging blond curl was killing me… that actually did it for me in a way, the way she was hiding behind it and checking herself in the reflection of the computer screen in front of her. BABE, NOT NOT SWEETIE. Like FUCK WHAT U LOOK LIKE RIGHT NOW, ur already beautiful enough, waking up at 5am to do your updo and makeup (non makeup) or whatever fucking structured outfits your shit stylist pulled for u. So u can be in yet another “act” yet this one is different, it’s more real. It actually sucks this time. What is your motive beautiful? That’s what the world wants to know. Meanwhile, u kept going back… and you kept torturing him to the point of escapism and drug usage. Your not even that compatible! And then you wana look all preppy and innocent when you knew what you were getting yourself into. What did you want? Why didn’t it work? Why sabotage the relationship to this level before honoring yourself… it looks like a terrible example of many toxic relationships and how drugs and alcohol can affect a relationship. Why are you attracted to a celebrity who you clearly don’t make happy, he puts u up in a diff home, you stay and use the situation thinking u can’t leave only to murder his image as an actor… did it have to go this far? Who urged u to take it this far? Why don’t u see the harm this brings everyone…? His family, his career, the relationship u once had w him WHICH IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE… but this is not only exposing a bruise or something it’s going as far as to  want his money? Is that what this is about? Sorry Amber Your not a good seed for bringing all this to light when u didn’t need to do it like this if u respected and loved him like u SHOULD. U wanted More… u are a money hungry lying bitch and I think u are fake and drive ppl mad to the point of these issues and then ride the vicious circle over and over again. Johnny you and this 30yr old chick of course don’t work she’s way too young for u and brings u problems. She’s heartless, conniving, and definitely an instigator. I can see how she makes any beautiful face look like the possible devil (so not needed). It’s hard enough being pretty and not being an Amber but everyone thinks we get a lot of attention… maybe I’m intimidating and stand off-ish. Not to compare too much she got Depp bc she’s a beautiful up and coming actress. Not just a pretty face. Clearly she has a team and they are betting on her, she has an agent and she had a future… but this is Depp and he’s on another level… and this move helps her career more than anything. So all the partying happening…She’s young plenty of reasons why things got out of control we all lived through a pandemic and Johnny Depp is allowed to get drunk if he feels like it but Him slamming counters closed and throwing things does show his anger but never showed him having anger towards her exactly. In the videos. Am I mistaken? He actually seems like a very composed guy even though he does his crazy thing as an artist I can understand him. Basically Amber looks like she saw the way to take advantage and I think she got that idea from somebody else. They might’ve had a tumultuous relationship but that comes with the wild ride and the passion. If you didn’t care about her he would or not gotten so affected. The communication was poor and when people need time away to cool off or think this is important to respect. She’s very immature she’s very young and she didn’t know because she was in fear that he would leave her she actually needed more love. He’s not the confrontational type and she probably is. That’s why she called him a pussy basically. But he might’ve had a drug or alcohol problem that didn’t need to be exposed to the entire planet earth the way that it was told if that was the case it could’ve gone a different way so that he could’ve perhaps gotten the help that he needed. Instead I guess she wanted something out of this court case… what did she want exactly? Is it a known thing? How do these things exactly work? Bc no amount of money is going to bring him back to u in your dream way! And u need to go find what it is your looking for instead of damaging some man who loved u with a family and a world wide career to crumble and crawl back to u like THAT WOULDNT BE WHAT U WANT EITHER! What did you learn Amber? That Johnny is a gentleman? That he may have his issues but that you were not a good influence or compatible lover? That he wouldn’t tolerate the disrespect. That maybe the pressing buttons works and escalates matters … did u want this? Did u forecast this and did u think you would win?  Well, I am not on your side girl, sorry. I know these issues and listening to the details of you guys I am glad I wasn’t there. I feel for both of u. The imbalances, the miscommunications, the problems that these external forces bring. The issues may be deep but the fighting and violence was truly on another level. But the repetitive going back to something that u accepted, the abuse and then the limelight pattern… you didn’t miss it for a thing. Amber if you honor and respect yourself you need to be able to walk away. You lived in a different house entirely and then decide to take his dog to Coachella? The one who isn’t potty trained? Did u ask his permission or was that u holding on to something of his to prove your still connected bc u couldn’t let go? Bc your a show off? YES DARLING the mushrooms and mdma concoction did the right thing… u need to stay in and heal. Your not ok. Mushrooms are amazing for healing. Your only 30 so you just took whatever anybody gave you… u show your not that smart or experienced and Johnny is a man. Men like Johnny might fall for your tease but they work differently. They deserve respect. You should have honored the relationship, honored yourself and showed more self respect being in such a prime position. I say this bc I see myself in your mistakes… I’m not happy for you, I’m embarrassed for you and I feel bad for him and I don’t feel bad for u. You seem like this was a way to fame and ppl have maybe told u that bad press is like any press bla bla bla but this is different. Your a really stupid young girl and should be ashamed at yourself being that gorgeous and that heartless and thinking life was going to believe your lies. You made so many mistakes. Who are your parents and why are you famous? Just bc your face is pretty? You have no fucking heart! No consideration for ppl! And literally no class! U are a trained LIER and u can’t even lie! Your literally the worst actress ever and I think u should go change careers and be a yoga teacher or do something for an orphanage. Hopefully u have an idea or one that somebody gives u. Your violence must STOP. U need to learn to be a class act. I believe u CAN. U can talk at motivational talks. U must. You need to make public your awareness of your mistakes and how u learn to surpass them… this will get a market of ppl interested and believing your story again. Many many of us struggle w the same things. We need to learn how to behave like adults, how to be balanced human beings, how to be graceful and learn ways to communicate or not communicate! I took a communication course… I still need to exercise it w somebody who wants to! How cool it would have been for u guys to try this instead! So it taught about communication… about like not talking when things are escalated. About repeating to the other what u have heard… showing you are listening… 

When ppl fight they both yell and they aren’t communicating… they both want to be heard… it’s really challenging! 

So when you do this they feel heard and if what u bounced back thinking that they said was incorrect then that’s the issue! It seems like a challenge to do but also like a respectful game of interest and patience for one another.

It’s about changing the past patterns… the ones that don’t work but they are in the old movies… the new movie is about trying something new. Unless we obviously get off on the humorous fighting … (could be) Yes, we most likely need to be over 30 to want to try it. 

If your only 30 and Johnny Depp is acting like an alcoholic pirate (as he is) and you love him for something but not for all the things… so I see you’re treating to change him… not impressed w his avoidance, wanting more from him, pressing his buttons for more attention, and then even as far as recording his embarassing moments to use to your advantage… sorry little girl u need to go back to the sand box and play With Barbies. Your blond curl isn’t something u can hide behind and it’s sad that your so concerned w it that it’s more important than the issue at hand. Your EGO is huge and it’s the devil in disguise showing so loud and proud inside of U! Put your stupid fake blond twirl behind your stupid ear and start to do something called LISTENING. I don’t care what movie u have been in, what drugs u have done, or that u have a sister… nobody is going to save u from the mess u have just made… almost wana say innocently made bc u weren’t really ready for this. Your Team Sucks! GROW UP. You should have been Harley Quinn but what’s her name Margot Robbie is like your double and we don’t even need u in Hollywood! Another blond w a pretty nose? What makes you so great? U have a lot to learn in terms of character building on your own Damn self. I wonder what your thoughts would be on a blog like this? Your love letter journal w Johnny was morbid and u probably wanted that thing to be famous too. Well it’s not going to be honey. You again, remind me of me and we need more honey to be sweet and then maybe we wana be read. Think Princess Diana, think serious soul searching. Think backpacking South America without a French twist. Think shave your head and donate the hair to cancer. Think Angelina Jolie. See how long u can hold your breath under water and deep dive, help build a new coral reef, learn how to slack line, write a book about something interesting that we should read / hear about. & Fuck Coachella! Get over yourself, find spirituality, hire a team of experts and get some serious goals for u and for the planet. 

Now that Johnny has graced u with his glorious spotlight,,, take that spotlight and shine it elsewhere… at something u want to help make a difference in doing and I hope for your sake that it’s good and not a fake. Your power can come back if you play your cards right. How can u show sincere interest and find a cause to help maybe in a new way or maybe a cause that’s dear to u and that sparks you. How can u get out of your own self and find a new alluring venture. Will u? How can u show girls like me or of your age that you can be a good influence. I pray that you do what is  good for the world and not just for you. If u need ideas u should ask, we just don’t know enough about u. 

May all of us find a way to give back & make the world a better place.

Always

SO MANY WAYS TO GO ABOUT IT! 

WHEN I SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING IN DESIGN I FEEL AT HOME THERE... 

IT TELLS ME TO KEEP GOING... SOMEHOW I’M ALIGNED.

THE AMAZING THINGS WE DO AND YET WHO EXACTLY SHOULD WE CREDIT? THE INFO OF A PHOTO/VIDEO WHEN TAKEN, BELONG TO BOTH THE ARTIST OF THE PIECE AND PHOTOG. AGREEMENT BETWEEN THEM TWO. THAT’S HOW OWNERSHIP CAN EVEN MEAN A THING. WHAT R THEY EVEN TRYING TO DO ANYWAY? IT’S ALL ALREADY THERE. 

Simply challenging the idea of NFT’s into something more productive. Like hashtags do when ppl tag correctly but if a photo in a location of something could belong to that artist or venue so that they can have it too if they wanted to use it, like a bank of images and when used as we do for all other images, we pay to use it, but it could be from anybody but all of the images taken u get access to bc it’s yours that they are photographing. It’s bc we need content and if we r to use we could use somebody’s image, so it encourages photography (perhaps too much of it actually.) 

Time Machine. Could help more than not but where r all these pictures going? I think they are losing resolution. Could it be? That’s stealing truth lol. Am I egotistical to be caught up in one of my thoughts? Thinking it’s my thought. But we r not our thoughts?

I’m learning. I saw that it truly is perfection. It is utter beauty every part. The fat roll has a story of love, the pain, letting go, the things are necessary for the energy to be what it is. To take us to the next place… the floating palace we r on is quite magestic. 

I hope your kidding! Stopit xo

Entering a new unknown, a magnificent place. What’s the difference of magnificent and magical? Wow we could have even more words. If each word was a world and all it’s synnonyms in it. What the antonym would be, maybe then desirable. 

Moving into a diff bedroom in my house isn’t going to change things. But what it will change is the sun will rise there. It will get warm there in the morning and the sun will crack through the windows to wake me up earlier and I put myself through things not only bc they r painfully great but bc they are necessary. Change is the creation and I have the free will to do it, to myself! I am my own other pet. I am my own parent and my own child and my own victim that needs what I will, from now on decide. Bc I won’t allow it to come from exterior sources. Now u can’t complain, Tammy. Btw I’ve done this several times to myself. I’m not a masochist even tho it’s there to think about. I am too fucking nice to strangers and I’m over my own complaining. I’m NOT emo. Your a fucking emo! Watch me go from sensitive soul to soulless bulletproof who knows what lol. I’m not bipolar. I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody. It’s called PMS. And it’s also pissed off. It’s also just funny maybe and middle fucking fingers up in the air but I’m not even that mad at u or life and I know that’s not how to solve anything. LOL. So what is it? I’ve been trying to figure it out for a time and it’s bc I “lost my mind” they wana say… it’s not true. I love my mind, it’s sharp, it’s exercised like a muscle, it’s hard to shut up when I want to say something… I’ve gotten myself into trouble even recently and heard that I’m not a good listener. I don’t believe it whole heartedly bc I know I am also a good listener and I remember how I was such a dumbass and made a mistake. Dammit Tammy. It’s a really expensive mistake these days. It can be 10k or 20k whatever but damn do I have to get moving on my “art” if I want to survive and afford mistakes on top of it. It’s funny how what I can do is …. Just I don’t want to think of it’s value anymore…. I think what I really want to do is invaluable. It’s LIFE! Lovingly Live Life now has to just happen by ppl who aren’t concerned w the other part. And then there u have it, good real ppl… like me supposedly… til u cross me lol. Then u better stay away. I don’t wana do Karate on your head. I don’t want to hurt ppl. I don’t want to learn to. I rather not know. I know that my goodness and my higher poemwers lol powers will protect me from the evil spirits. Also bc I’m close w them, we tight. And I don’t need a gun. I don’t need the things that bring danger to my home. They have a wrong energy. Not of peace. Not of love. I agree that Americans should have the freedom to have a weapon if they feel called to. Bc I don’t trust the government to be the only ones to. The police are not our friends. I am from a diff era. But pls protect me. I have also thought of being a cop, did I tell u? Prob not. Maybe tho. It’s true. I actually mean it. It’s corrupt. And they don’t like that word once I said it. I am protected sometimes, and other times u can get mixed up in the wrong crowd. Wrong place wrong time. Sucks. Sucks the money. It’s as much as a Cartier bracelet. When it’s locked on your wrist u can now think about the equivalent value of it. U might as well lock it on so good they can’t get it off even for “there” and engrave your lawyers phone # on it. I wonder if they would cut it off. I don’t think so but idk. 

A wave of good…

The writing hasn’t been too inspired and even tho I have much better things to share it’s not the easiest to explain. I realize the difficulties I was just having are bc it’s part of the transition. I forgot that the struggles are what leads us to better things. New friendships that are more aligned to the next level me I’m aiming for and molding into. So now I’m ok w the difficulties I had, I can accept them and be grateful for them. I owe so much of my grounding and love to my little dog who just being beside me heals me, keeps me company and her warmth and her patience are so important to me especially during these times. I really want to let God in and cure all my past karmic issues that are holding me back. Any pain I’ve ever caused anybody consciously or unconsciously. All the moments and opportunities I could have done better somehow to be forgiven and like lift me off and out of any spells, evil eye ties, misunderstandings or mistakes. I wish more for myself as the equal citizen of this planet, that I learn the best way to harness my energy, treat others with utmost respect, be seen for the light I am and to find ways to contribute more, volunteer more, & act more leader-like in my best way possible. That my path be guided with that of least restriction. That my humanitarian nature be what defines me and not for my ego but for the greatest good of all. Ways to save the planet show up more for us. That I can move into being truly responsible for myself and that of others. To reach another level of joy that is based off long term goals instead of instant gratification. That the over achiever in me can back down and be content with what’s simple. That my idea for myself be rebooted and rest assured given new life, to trust the Universal plan and see the spread of what’s positive spread faster than a pandemic! A pandemic of love! Like a wild fire but soft smiles and twinkling  eyes, pure & honest. 

🌷

I’ve been talking as if nothing. As if it’s this easy peasy Japonesy… lies! It’s so twisted, uncomfortable and difficult to be in what they expect of us for todays “reality” I’m lying when I say I can handle it. Bc I don’t get it at all and I’m good at just being a person surviving but the human is not being. It is always trying to catch up. I have lots to do, lots to face, lots to improve on. I can try all I can, w all my might and still I just don’t think it’s my kind of world to keep up with. I think we have to listen to other views, new perspectives, and expand our design system. Meta verse is just one bubble to look at. It’s not the only one. We have to think of the competition. The ones who want to remain Real. They interest me. Time spent or time wasted and value, what is it worth? Is it even healthy life perspective? Or just a marketing gimmick. Let’s not lose sight of what’s important, of what a healthy human needs to do to be balanced. That these things deprive us of our time playing, exercising in the sun and making food and having conversations w our children. I believe our lifetime is BEST yet to come think of. So start to now. Plan ahead. Don’t be an asshole like think about it. 🎆 Happy New Year 2022!