Forever

I have to write, don’t even know what to say everytime I come here I just know I do this. Some book said I should write 3 free handwriting pages every morning and that’s a lot. Most times it’s not as long but they also say to never read it, that it’s probably rubbish. I might have to agree but some of it isn’t too bad. I can write bc I write so if I am inspired it should have a nice little twist but it’s mostly free writing and in strange times while I’m in bed and most probably alone or at my desk too but just feeling like I need to express myself and so here I am again. Hoping not to let myself down again I’m feeling so much love for myself bc u have to anyway, it serves us well to do it. It’s seeing u and accepting it. Seems like it’s easy but I don’t look beautiful in every angle lol I have 3 chins, a rounded bumped nose from when I was a baby I fell, I have thin not very full lips from injecting water into them I think it stretched the skin out but the lips done make me look like a duck. Doesn’t work for me. I have a permanent stai in one eye, and slightly rough skin w lots of freckles! Somehow I pull it off but it’s an attitude. I have a lot of Sass. It comes off as bitchy and rude sometimes but I’m sorta joking, it’s a tone. I want to be real and I don’t have a good poker face it’s all right there! Why is it? I’m growing up guys, I’m toning it down major and I don’t even wana go out NYE. I can’t carry all this shit anymore! Should I just break free? It’s all so unknown and mysterious, the things that make me happy are truly design and dancing… and a few others maybe but I’m worried I won’t have a baby. I need to be chosen wtf. Or not fine! But I need to stay happy put it that way. I’m not normal, I’m really good at this weird shit that I need to make happen bc every other girl in this town is selling their bodies it feels like and I’m not sure that’s my Avenue… I told u what I look like and I’m a weirdo! I love it lol. Ok so anyway boring convo w myself… over and over again lol. I need these man hands that idk where they are but I need them and they are strong. They know how to love me and reach for me and our bodies mold like spoons and I want to love his smell and his smile and he’s going to be groomed and funny and super intelligent and idk how or when this will happen but I’m trying to manifest it. Manifest for a man lol why haven’t I done this enough? I’m not easy, I’m overly critical, I can be. I think I can change the patterns. They are quite engrained in me these patterns from my parents and I’m worried about those a bit but becoming aware of them is the first step & so I’m doing that. I can’t live in fear any longer, in sadness or negativity I just can’t and I don’t care if I’m alone at least if I’m in good company w myself creating and dancing I’m happy. I love being alone actually. I don’t have to deal! It’s the closest thing to freedom but I want a family, I have my own babies and I want to get married even if it’s not in court but just a declaration of love! I do! I can’t do it alone. I fucking suck lol. I am here to win babe what the fuck! I love it, the ups and downs and twists and turns it’s never a dull moment and if it is God Bless it, for it’s a transition. I love you Roxy! I love the air from the fan slightly moving and the soft pillows and my silly thoughts I’m trying to tame. The light, the dark, the kaleidoscope! Sleep too I need more sleep. I love u angels. Sometimes I feel like a female Jesus. Pray for us all! The ones w COVID and let the animals be free please!!!! Stop slaughtering them and keeping them in cages I beg you. I love u cows and pigs… I want to play w u. Join me in making heaven here. It could be so fantastic, I can see it and I can feel it. Thank You Lord! 🙏🏼💝

Hands Together 🙏🏼

Feeling infinitely prepared for the dreams about to be caught and wishes heard through prayer and whisper and even tho mistakes can happen I know that the good will outweigh the bad by mountains of angels to our rescue. Hopeful, kind, spiritually in tune and more than ever peaceful, positive and prepared. My internal changes are like a well w a pulley, and able to fly through the forgiveness, love and of course lots of strength. I’m also mad at myself for the mistakes I’ve shown, but I’m a learning human being who wants to be the best. It’s really tough and it is for all of the journeys. Guidance and love is the best medicine, a power we need to feel more of and never allow a single soul to lack. So reach out to who may be lonely. Love w your only medicine and befriend a stranger that you forgot you knew. They ppl right at your side are who you should meet. There is no coincidence. Try trusting. Stay happy for the greater vibe, for the good. Worry is a taste test you didn’t like so move on so quickly so that you can find where is your fav. Don’t do what I did, always train yourself to see the bright side and to honestly have respect. Find what you love and follow it. All is a miracle, save your soul from what dims your light. Feed it w good choices and thoughts. I’ve opened the door to forgiveness but haven’t found the key to love. Gods plan. Trust. Appreciate all that is. Divine timing is part of the math. Prayers…

Thankfull

I’m profoundly thankful like a bottomless well or something. Cheerful. Gleeful. I am dancing through life making others feel good as much as I can and every now and then I find myself on low energy unable to give as much of my over flow Bc I can get depleted and I can be tired but not want to sleep,,, like now lol. It’s 3am and I am in bed but I’m reading a book and it’s really good, my 3rd book in a month and this one is going to be a long one so it’s going to take time but I’m already inspired and excited by it. It speaks to me. For me a big thing is the writing and of course the topic. So I’m learning. And the channeling is something that might happen to me when I write and this writer for “The Artists Way” is speaking my language. I feel as though I’m growing into myself quite nicely and I like the majority of my choices. I have faith that I should just keep going Bc there is so much I want to do and I just have to do whatever makes me happy and what makes most sense to me and let God do his thing through me. I’m trying to get a lil out of the way of that. You have to really think sometimes but you also feel and you also have to really LOVE and that happiness and inspiration that comes of it that makes you glow is where it’s at. This book I was reading that I have JUST started said that. I want to travel and I want to love someone. I want to keep feeding my soul. I like spirituality and things and colors and people! I actually love ppl even tho boy do they let me down! Lol. I don’t care, let them do what they wana do! I’m totally fine. I’m thick skinned, I am also a happy alone type of person but I’m just saying I do feel like that is what’s missing. I recently met someone who I get a long w really well and stuff but isn’t “the guy” I want to get into a relationship with. I am just glad that there are ppl who I can get a long w so well that life feels effortless and that they make me feel good! That’s really important. Then I also ready that your soul mate will be a pain in your ass somewhere else LOL  

So am I everyone else’s soul mate? Jk. 

Anyway, I want to dance more. I like to dress up too. I just wana go places a lil and then also be home to read my books and do my home body time, I need to! I’m a introvert/extrovert. And I need to go innnn and create! I can’t just be out dancing every fucking night okay. I need to fucking balance and I am but it’s like so easy to unbalance this space ship! TAMBOLANDIA LOL 

So Run, sun, juice, personal care, nourish, read, love, connect, my dog, the planning, the goals, the lists, the calendar, the people, the moon, the downloads, the business, the growth, the progress, and the flow my dear. Don’t forget to keep dreaming! And the dreams will come true, they always do. THANK YOU.

The little games

I learned something new about myself and I always wanted to understand it. I noticed an accumulation of triggers and after the multiple incidents w different ppl I’d always find myself to be “right” in my way about why I chose to do what I did and that my Ultimate intentions were good. What I didn’t notice is that ppl are different and unable to understand for themselves or see outside of themselves enough and basically chose to either stick around, or not, or understand it or not and many ppl just aren’t so deep and have their reasons to take things personal as some sort of a personal attack and my personality also comes in and I show my emotions when it’s gotten to a certain level. Besides having some PTSD from certain incidents I’ve had or levels of what I’m willing and unwilling to put up with myself. I can have assumptions, I’m flexible to learn and curious to understand and get through to the next level IF I think you’re worth it. Also, my biggest lesson w all this is that I may POP but, sure it can be for a reason but their shouldn’t be any reason to pop I guess… Bc their is a better way of communicating. Of asking a question instead of thinking a thought and reacting based off of that. So it’s maturity. I do it all the time. It’s a constant in life to know what is the best way to handle things… but when I’m about to Pop is when I need to use it more! Not everyone understands how that may be a passionate way of showing my emotions, my deep felt thoughts, what’s important to me, the letting of emotions. But it’s going to help me to not react like that and try to be a more smoother line on a graph than one of lots of zig zags, mountains and valleys. It feels good to learn that Bc I think I finally understand it. :)

Crossed Fingers...

 I remember when I was a little girl and I would cross my fingers. I still do it. I remember those 80s textured walls I would scratch my limbs on. I remember that time I woke up upside down or something and couldn't find the door knob, instead I was trying to get out of the window! I remember the drying lines, the antennas, the manners I was taught and how quiet I was bc I was a sponge observing everything. I remember talking to my dolls bc what else do u do if not? I liked being the teacher. I did it w my dolls make believe and with actual kids I could manipulate during recess, I had my own ballet class! quite productive! but it wasn't always that way lol. I guess I like being a leader, I liked having the attention but it was also very pure, a little piece of popularity perhaps? none of it lasted too long. I had to make new friends a lot. I grew an attitude. I was just shuffled here and there and just absorbing the whole thing knowing id soon be thrown in a different direction again. I had a reason for being the way I became but nobody knew that part about me really. I believe ppl do want the best for us but the look holes, the gaps that don't allow for a match... its not a kids fault and its a life tampered with. everyone has a different story. So many variables, I wonder if the right way to go is as interesting. Kids in a class remind me of objects collected from diff parts. Another assortment, each a diff flavor, and spit balls, and time wasted... nobody seemed to know what they were doing. Even in college, so odd. By now I hope they do bc wasting  time wasn't solely the kids' fault, I think it was almost more the teachers. lol. Thats so terrible. I have these memories, so many ridiculous memories, stories, culture, societal lessons, places and things, unbelievable. I am just so grateful so have had the journey I had. Things take time, to make you the more mature you, ppl marry young, they have such real lives, we chose a career, a partner, and become a parent so many times so young! Naturally. Its more natural to make a beautiful mistake like that and yes it is a blessing. It gets harder to later in life I think. I am juggling w diff realities. Why can't he come and save me already LOL ;) Im not sure anymore. I have to really think about what I want. I realize that I am not truly firm on one idea cuz I need a partner I can feel supported, I believe in the dream... I choose to believe in it, I want to find real love, is it so? ugh But of course and I also want to hibernate like a bear for the whole winter. Pray for peace be with me. Cuddles xoxoxo

What’s the temperature?

I can speak Chinese, Bird Call, I feel for the dragon fly, I got someone upset, I’m just obsessed w Roxys warmth. I’m such a mother. Soooo lucky. Omg. Ya, good for u! Go for it. I’m good. I’m ok. I’m grateful. What else do u want me to say right now? Does that sound like… something… I didn’t like it either. My mom was 24! My Dad wanted it… he walked his pregnant woman on the beach at the break of dawn…really? And so now what? What about me? Have I become too vocal? I’m like allowed to be this way? Have I forgotten my manners? And will I ever learn? 

2022 Fashion Color Trends

 The Spring/Summer 2022 fashion shows and influencer street style has been quite the sight to see & its like “I CANT STOP LOOKING!” Being a fanatic of color I have really appreciated to see the unexpected combinations created by designers and the like, I am Obsessed! Complementary colors paired like I’ve never seen before that perhaps only the fashion forward would dare to pull off to the level that we have seen it. There are endless ways of creating a mix of colors that feels safer but still has the fresh edge of next season. As I’m studying what it is about the colors that’s new and refreshing to me I notice that its because of selecting colors from different color families or groupings to selectively put together. Like using science and art we are walking away from our classic rainbow which was all in Poppy/Punchy spring tone colors or all in rainbow pastels to now shuffling it up and making the colors be from different color families such as Earth tones and pastels mixed w a Neutral or two and then maybe adding a Pop of neon which jumps off even when used sparingly, because its loud, you domino need very much. Make sense? They each interact and relate with each other and because of each other they are receiving the light, like as if they have personalities and they are in conversation, each of the colors has a tone of voice and an energy vibration and together they are all special and do something quite magical and marvelous. 

Im seeing the color Chartreuse, Burnt orange brown, strong shades of Fuchsia, electric Lime green, conservative and classy Emerald, potent Indigo, Rich Purples and Plums, Vibrant Orange, Classic Aqua, and a beautiful Teal Green… you name it, I can’t think of a color that was excluded but the magic was in the combinations. The popular powder pink … and youthful details of Aqua kept things so fresh and interesting even as far as sometimes audaciously playful! It looked like a competition in fashion fun, the paparazzi documented a parade of street style in every Fashion Week city across the globe at our fingertips. With scrolls of eye catching colors that bounced off the screen and I kept scrolling and scrolling and couldn’t get enough. I went through an addiction, feeding my brain with more and more endless photos of fashion ideas and innovative inspiration that made my heart jump up and down and of course leaving me unable to get even a wink of sleep. I even thought to myself if there was a way to turn my being online on private, since some were asking why I was still up. Yes that bad but that Good too! ;) So thankful for the incredible style the icons of today, pushing the envelope and making the effort to be bold in times of confusion, corruption, and despair. Like a sweet nudge of hope for next s/s 2022’s dreamy joyful and more pleasant days to come! 

Head to toe in Neutral Khaki was another alternative to speak of as well as mega more wearable for the masses. We saw it in Tan, Browns, Classic Black coming in strong and also some White/off white, even Gray was around, everyone was included and had an important part of making the other colors do their thing BETTER. Neutrals were also used with one select pop of color or with many  to bring a base or stability and each brought along its purpose as a warm or cool tone, Brown being warm and grey being cool for instance. When warm and cool colors were paired in an outfit they did things far more interesting than when played safe. It actually complemented it when it didn’t match bc it popped or vibrated! Our eyes are trained to see things that make sense and go well together but that’s a bit stale to see now so when its unique it makes us do a double take and wonder why we like it so much! In fact, we might stare for a lot longer.

A complementary color, in case you don’t know, is a color that is on the opposite side of the color wheel from the other color. Such as Red and Green, Orange and Blue, Yellow and Purple for example but those don’t sound like great color combinations do they? Well, what makes it interesting is when you take one of the two colors and you play with its tint or shade and you might add a little white to create a pastel or you might add a little black to darken it from a Red to a Burgundy or Pink & the green going Hunter green or a baby pastel green or the popular punchy lime green color that Pops like a neon or the more classic emerald green which is a safe and elegant bet for f/w season but now paired with maybe Lavender and Voila! This is the game for 2022 and it takes practice, courage & some extra planning. 

Neighboring colors like Blues with Greens & Pink and Orange, Purple & a Pink or with one of the many Reds were a thing too. Like people, neighbors were a good choice to sit together and be friends with. It was abundant in fun color options and variations  so have fun with combining your looks from the options in your closet and find inspiration in the color wheel. See what happens when the rules of color are broken and you might discover a whole new sense of gratitude for color, that makes them turn alive and cause a smiling sensation with those who get to see you in it.

Zombie

Been tough to manage relationships with people for whatever reason I feel like it’s not fair that I struggle w something I should be better at. It’s really frustrating, knowing how important it is to keep up the relations. I don’t deserve to have so many burned bridges. The feeling is isolating. I don’t want to damage them but it points to me unless everyone else is feeling this too. It’s just so important in life to have ppl “like u” and instead I can see that what I’m doing isn’t working. It’s such a game. The truth is not what ppl want. They want u to play the game! They want to be fooled even. I thought my way was better but obviously not! If I can’t do this right then it feels like I won’t ever be someone worth betting on. With a heart this big it’s like shattered to pieces it’s not even worth the gigantic effort. They don’t understand me I guess or somewhere there is a mistake. I can actually feel it. 

So I wore a gold chain mail top to finally go out the other night. It’s a 70’s original I got second hand from Fly Boutique and had in my closet and decided to wear it and get glammed up. Some guy, super cool and sweet picked me up in a 1940’s side car motorcycle and took me out. It was super duper special. We went to two places I had never been to before. I love checking out new spots. Funny thing is, I felt like it was this funny feeling to wear this super glitzy top when so many places and ppl are struggling so hard right now. For example Cuba now w Covid, etc etc. but I am struggling as well! I wore it bc I had it and I chose to pull it out. I didn’t just buy it brand new or something. It’s this strange after feeling that made me feel like I needed to explain this. How freaking annoying tho right? So it’s sorta my imagination that the judgments are incorrect … 

Always trying to help others and think of others is in my nature and it’s like the same can’t be expected back. I’m getting better at just moving on without getting stuck in the pain bc I accept that maybe I’m wrong and ppl r “busy”. I’m a loner anyway. But I put myself out there and then it gets used against me. It’s a good thing I’m strong enough to handle it. Only a strong person can tell all this knowing it just keeps backfiring and giving you guys more amo! I write about it bc it’s real and it’s the way I am currently feeling. I have feelings u know? There are ppl who do care about me and do show it. It’s not as easy as I want it to be! I am curious what I can do to change. The answers that come to me tell me that I should try being sober but I’m not SO extreme but it’s just the only thing I can think of to do. I’ve been procrastinating that bc life is so tough wo my coping mechanisms. It’s not getting any easier by the way! I know I do deep down believe in myself but if my success isn’t there anymore now to show for I must be doing something wrong, arent I? Well it’s a process. I’m doing so much yoga that that’s the only thing keeping me sane I think. Since im toxic and the patterns are mine, it’s like nothing is good enough for me yet. Im feeding my soul w spirituality, aligning my purpose, doing the work w morning and evening questions so that I live more conciously. Downloaded Audible and want to read more books. I spend time in nature. I eat healthy when I eat mostly very very healthy. I jog when I can. I don’t if I can’t and sometimes I do even hungover! I try to stay organized. When I work, I WORK. I think, I spend an entire night obsessing about a new project. It’s not normal. It’s actually gotten worse! I just don’t want to be such a pain in the ass to Look! Even myself! Lmao! This energy and desire to get it right or explain. It’s like I’m hurting inside. I need love but I’m unlovable at the moment. I can’t do it. I just don’t feel like myself, like I’m ready for anything like that. But I still need love. I’m trying to love myself I guess. I mean, I’m my own best friend. I’m going to get through it. I want to find the right person and I actually want to fall in love. If it doesn’t happen, fine! But I’m waiting and I hope that it does. I feel like it will and I have it in me to be happy. To feel so much love that is going to come my way. In the end, I’m a dreamer and have a lot of love to give. I am happy and easy going and fun and I don’t deserve this from a lot of the people. It’s shocking. But maybe I asked for this! It’s making me stronger alright! But it’s also adding to the internal monster. I’m not all this added shit on top that I now have. I was pure and good and the poisoning from the world is changing all of us. This is supposed to be more like heaven than hell. But I will keep lying to myself and stay positive cuz it’s only a fucking game and nobody cares. A Zombie Game. 

Back to Back lmao lmbo ;)

I got the heating pad… I should just call it “the heat” “I got the Heat” my tongue fighting to fit inside my mouth cage of teeth LOL. U can say she has no friends or u can call it nobody wants to hear it, it’s not that important yet. But I’m about to say something that is,… I had to come to another bedroom in my house to feel comfortable for being up late bc my consideration is on another level of sensitivity. I feel better now. I really like the heat on my lower back and it would be SO much work to get this in the old days btw wow. This is Blessed by Modern Times LOL. And then there is the opposite… I am about to stop drinking for 21 days and I’m obviously showing my kooky side… ppl go to meetings and get that kind of help for this but I haven’t even tried to stop that much yet… always do I find the best excuse, that’s sooo my nature yet I can also call myself out btw and also I’m so willing to learn. I found that none of the ppl on my phones messages were really ppl I was happy to shoot a text to bc i of feeling more jaded than anything. Like nothing is good enough. Like being alone is better. But it wasn’t better, that’s not what I wanted and I was in a vicious circle. Realized maybe there is a mixture of trust issues to a lack of fulfillment for INTELLIGENCE, like my thing is brains. I like an intellectual conversation. I’m a risk taker even in conversation, pushing boundaries, having fun, learning, playing the games but just right. Always pushing further not to kill the things but to expand them for more ideas to come and to feed curiosity and to chase the richness of life! Ideas! And finding the right ones to go after! So higher and higher! And more and more… not so much writing a song necessarily.  But finding the connections in agreement and disagreement and why that is. It’s a strange Satisfaction to grow closer but also to realize they actually don’t like this as much as u do Tammy. Tammy, you’re different. And alive lol and lonely, and healing, and grateful. So I found out that there r some things we NEED to actually do to be better and I’ve been on the “Camino” doing them. I’m super grateful. 

This might sound redundant but I must insist to make it special for u to grasp… I can’t control your thoughts and I won’t be there to help u expand on them but I will be a friend who shares  these tips w u which I JUST learned and I believe in :)

We know how important GRATITUDE is and I always had so much to be grateful for but found myself thinking more about who doesn’t have what I may of had and how it was my feeling that it wasn’t fair and it changed from grateful to sorta sad bc idk whatever… my programming? My nature? Idk! NOW I’m over that and I can see the feeling gratitude feels in my body and how it is medicine, natural medicine… for changing the chip of our brain… like the new direction of the steering wheel post I wrote before. ;)

So what makes u excited? Happy? Feel those beautiful feelings are what u should definitely hold dear to your heard. 

Who do u want to be? Set a word intention for your day and then think why u said that word. Give your reasoning an honest push to manifest your charachter for the day or even life, these words can be adding more to u! You just want to find a little inspo from asking your soul the feels for some direction. Remember, u have all the answers! ;) 

Mention who u want to do this Incredible Day for… who needs u on your A-game will give the foundation to bring a clearer cause to strengthen your reasoning. Now you r thinking outseide of yourself and that helps. Ppl do need you to be the best and do it for the others! Making the world a better place. 

Now also think what could be a problem or what could be difficult or a little hurdle to look ahead at it and plan how it might affect u at the worst of its case and then it gives space to the simple fact of now being more prepared. Aware that u don’t want “that” to happen so u won’t or shouldn’t make the mistakes your ready for. We think to establish those things, put them into a challenge and then imagine ourselves dealing best so that we can be ready, it’s conscious living, INTENTIONAL.

What you can do of “Service” for your day. Supposedly in AA meetings they should call I think 3 ppl to check on them -a day?!?! LMAOOOO and it’s happened but nobody has also MOSTLY OH FOR SURE NO. So okay, I’m learning. Send a lil note, gift or sign of appreciation, HELP ppl somehow. It’s really important actually but I do it immediately but it’s a good way to go. ;)

Think of how u can take a step foreword to be even Greater… or a better version of yourself, what can u do to grow more, love more, be better?

As your Own Coach… what would u tell yourself to improve on? What should u remember? What kind or encouraging words could u think of the to both Push and Settle your beautiful soul? -U know this!!! You are a Guru too.

Any big picture projects or directions to have in mind to remember your Goals? This is important, step back from this DAY and see if it’s headed there… you are steering, remember?

At the end of the day, u want to be feeling what? Content, happy, like your on the path aligned w your purpose and you aren’t living in a blur of days all in a mush like a non-manifesting sheep who can’t even think for him or herself. Ew. 

This is the morning routine besides the brushing teeth etc stuff. And I’m terrible remembering the morning stuff to do. 

——-

At night or whenever your day comes to a close… u do a couple other things… same as brushing your teeth again we must re-visit something for the soul. To take better control of our lives, the direction of our life, see the light and shine it in the way to grow… like a flashlight… we choose the path, we see the way, we have the light and we choose the way. There is a wrong way bc it’s not the better one but you end up “it’s OK” anyway… but if u like “ok” then go for it but I like FABULOUSLY IRRISITABLE ;) ya way!

Then u examine… self examine. And u ask yourself questions to review your day. Like what was good? What could u have done better? Is Mr. Fabulously IRRISITABLE ready for U yet? This is the answer, answer honestly LOL. 

Benjamin Franklin had some 13 words I think it was maybe more that he like went over to see in his own ratings, how he personally rated his days. Bc we have better and worse days but he was that cool… he created his own lil system so he’s really cool. I’m a fan. I always wanted to too and I’m starting to collect these ways and then I will too. 

At the end of the day u reflect to find what was good about your day, what stuck out to u to remember a moment, when u do u imagine it and u feel the good feelings in your body, your heart… u might smile. Bringing it back to mind doubles it’s power in your life and triples it by writing it down and then quadruples it next time u read it and so on… so exponential is truly here. Now enhance it instead of dimming it… u give it its merit, u again bring back that feeling of gratitude, magnify the allure of this dream u are living as well as being a part of creating it. Your doing so good and we are so celebrating the you and the small things. They are each powerful in your journey. Let them live! Remember them more, bring them back to bring more of that into your life. It’s better than anything else u could possibly do for yourself. 

Mention a lesson learned or what u realize… 

So many times this goes unnoticed bc it takes an extra effort to think about. Again, Awareness is super critical to live an intentional life. Your life is to be aligned w your PURPOSE and to find out ones purpose one must do the work… it’s a mixture of what your good at and what you love to do and to be PRESENT and in service to the Great Spirit or others… your dream won’t work if the purpose is confused or lost or u r doing things fit the wrong reasons. Point! 

How could u have made your day better?

How could u feel more connected to others? 

And Last but not least what would u tell yourself as a high performance coach? 

(Just curious) 

Well, I went to Rikos, 5 of us played “Cards Against Humanity”

I was flying a lil too much, they r empaths and healers and could tell lol. 

I was happy and had extra energy and they could sense either the EXTRA LIGHT I gave off or maybe made some of them MAYBE more tired… I rested last night and I had a good productive day, for my own personal rating system and that’s better than not having rated myself well and feeling THAT… so I’m doing MUCH BETTER. I am feeeding my soul, things are clicking and I’m inspired to keep on going. I wish it was easier to get more done but “it’s ok” 

As long as I’m using the power of intention, trying to set my own rituals, and spelling it out for all to see… it is my work to do my work and Craft my craft, for a more peaceful, connected life. I called it similar, “ unity and harmony”

Same sorta thing. It’s all similar when u have the right intention. The magic is profound,,, only pros-find it. It’s ancient wisdom there for those who look to find it and care to find a meaning to life which is purely a more meaningful life which has to do w being loved and wanted and included and needed and respected and well-rounded for the slices of your pie 3.14 which adds up to 8 infinity. And infinity only happens w a feeling of flow and balance… even a bank account balance could be a part of the balance. Flow is money as well. But everything lined up and u don’t ever have to work another day in your life. To some this comes easy. I am beginning to do what I can that I know I can do but I wish I was more a part of this world and less on my own separate cloud over here. I rather be around ppl who are better than me, support me, get me, believe in me, want me to succeed, join in on the forces to make a winning. So bc I don’t exactly have that it leads me to think of the reality, I don’t have to necessarily doubt myself it’s more about facts. If this was easy money ppl would jump right in. I never thought money could be that easy like the money games ppl r playing. The distortion of value. The ways to invest, risk, to be a follower to a fib that feeds off your belief of a lie to sustain it. That wouldn’t be me, even if it was my idea and a great idea… it’s basis of importance is based off of everyone else’s belief in the lie. Similar to the art world but now digital. The power it gains depends on us and I’m not a follower, I’m also part rebel. I’m dumb not to play early on in the game but I forecast the BS, gambling really. 

But it’s the opposite of an equal to equal value. It’s an interesting invention. Mixed in with how illegal money can creep back into the monetary system. This is so crazy to me! When this was what was keeping them accountable, ppl paying taxes and shit? It should be easier and already done. And I’m not the only one who wants to live free and be happy. Let me meditate on this. 

Goodnight.

All the things

It’s late again, my time of night but honestly it’s a lil late for me too. I think it’s late a lil more bc everyone else thinks it late lol bc without that extra vibe on top of everyone sleeping I would naturally be up at this time lots of times anyway, maybe I like how it’s extra quiet and I can finally think straight ;) 

I’ve been doing stuff, I stopped myself from saying “good” stuff, just to be honest… it’s been a lot of catching up in business stuff so it’s not necessarily super flowing, it’s like rusty, cranky, messy, work stuff that is stupid and should already be in place but I’ve had a long vacation, haven’t I? Yeah, maybe we all did… I have just felt to ask myself deep deep things like “what am I doing?” And “what do I want?” And some stuff you turn a blind eye… is that what they call it? “Turn a blind eye?” I think it’s when you just don’t even go there bc it’s easier not to even look to change, or you don’t look from HIGH enough, Eagles perspective is the medicine. I got Eagle #1 and it was right side up. I thought that was pretty cool. It said to feed your body but most importantly feed your SOUL! Now I’m thinking Soul Food lol… but literally I was starving! I was thinking of ways and I have a huge great idea which will come but also noticed how good it felt to HELP friends during Covid like I became a great organizer it’s crazy LOL. After all these moves and STUFF I just know how to get things at least to look Better quickly for the sake of your health, visual health effect type shit… to going innnn to every detail of thingie and just having quick solutions without the extra emotional attachment to the thingie so it was easier, it was quick, I enjoy it, I like to work, I work hard, this is one of my strengths NOW and it wasn’t always, I had ppl who cleaned and did shit for me always and I collected and collected shit like a mountain of shit WHICH I LOVE BTW!!! and over time I chipped at the mountain by selling my things of value for extra cash, down sizing, moving, letting go, growing out of, giving stuff back to ppl who would want it more. Ugh but not only clothes and accessories but tons of products like ridiculous the amount of things like that that got accumulated, also magazine cut outs and I mean boxes and boxes full. 

Be back later.

Learning

Going to do another cleanse… any day now the drinking will have to stop, I will eat clean, I will run every morning, I will try to get enough rest (having a tough time w this one these days) and for a good 21 days at least I will do a cleanse. I need it. I want it. I must. I wish I had a bathtub right now but it’s in the other bedroom. I might go outside to look at the moon for a second. 

Did lots of work both w biz and internally reading and doing daily questions to help line up my intentions and make my days more fulfilling. I do need to sleep tonight. I will. I’d just zap myself to sleep if I could lol. It’s the excitement for the work to do. I’ve been productive the nights but it’s time to do things more normal and rest my soul so I can shine brighter for people in the day. Okay… ugh… auveoir 

You guys

Knowwww I don’t go out! I don’t know Carlitos at the door (even tho I do now lol o wiould leave to show him, I do not pay cover!) yes. U guessed it… Do Not Sit. Which was my home every Sunday back in the day for Bella Rose… I been there and been here and they changed it! They changed it in a way that I swear I thought it had no hope… Even tho the hope IS there… I’ve seen that place go from ASHY TO CLASSY! Lmao. Biggie would have loved it… (I was about to say he would have hated it… but I changed my mind lol) I’m telling u tho… I thought this place was what it was… something about uncomfortable places makes ppl Move Around… and I thought of that! Cuz the fact that it wasn’t so comfortable made it… whatever it made it… but let’s B real, the sound to be loud was OK, and the fact that it was uncomfortable made it maybe a cheaper venue to rent… maybe? (I do not know nothing …) so anyway it changed! And the ppl are great. But tje great ppl come bc the great DJ. So did the chick hatch from an egg? And did the bear become a chicken father? No. Bc none of them needed that.  But ppl more quiet bc they weren’t allowed to be as obnoxious. I know im too much… you all are mostly pretty safe zone if u ask me… why? Why is a great question. Same as what answers why my dog is so cool! Same as why what works, works. Like why a certain man chooses the kind of lady who isn’t going to say much, who and why the amazing women who can hold back or not but that a good man would prefer tjat,,,, Is understandable. I know. I am amazed. My good friends are gone. I stir the pot, I don’t exactly belong but it’s great that I at least feel like I do! I am a privileged girl but I’m not a light weight, I’m the back alley walking cat that curiosity killed slowly. I’m still not convinced by the “open my door” thing but according to one of my good friends… a good man does that. A pearl in a clam in the sea and a diamond in the rocks from the pressure… and that’s exactly it. We juman beings do the same… Jumanji! The jungles. The Dina soars, the ideas I’ve had have been better… much better! But some of it better than my ideas could have ever been. The sunsets and sunrises recorded and projected. TVs r diff from projectors. Lonely and more and more hippy. I don’t have a guy plan. I don’t think Sacramento California is cool either. Get real or bury me alive ppl! I’m about to do the mash potato … Honduras, where is that even? Ppl will do things… it’s all happening, while we allow it to. I had so much fun tonight. I’m super crazy like from one table to the next… whatever. They get it. I’m not a DJ cuz I’m a dancer that is important. So funny omg talking to random ppl, who does that tho? It was cool. I left when I first felt to. I’m here now. I’m good, tired. Wait! So, I talk to random  ppl! The rules are bent out of shape and into a crowbar! I do not like everything! I more do not like anything the way it is bc I have an opinion on anything and everything and it’s getting rude. Barbie was quiet and I’m out of control. But then instead of Saying nothing it’s like I’m saying things… some ppl do not like me and some ppl do not like tjat China will come and copy them or that they are forever trapped on a loop. It’s not only about money. It’s not only about anything!!! It’s about being an efficient, tnoightful man. I can barely believe it myself. I believe in jack hammers ruining your Sunday morning. In getting dizzy from the height. From the unfairness… tjat I am a part of but I wouldn’t be able to survive if not. I’m not going to go eat at that place u guys think I eat at LMAO. No, I don’t feel like it. My cousin btw sold me out so dirty I officially know now what it feels to have REALLY NOBODY AND LOL STOP LYING…. Frisbeee… magnetic boomerang and scientifically capture the energy of it wanting to leave but it couldn’t! The frisbee doesn’t take the train. The boomerang doesn’t care  what my name is. The stench is there… no matter for zoo animals or Guatemalans or Hondurans LOL. Roxy will pass one day. I thought I did good Hahha and what am I saying again? Ugh who cares. I do cuz I chose to. I’m Gona sound really stupid right now but what is Dialis and what is Jefferson Airplane? And can somebody save me from my stupidity, it’s just a cry for help, a lonesome sorrow. Be a better friend I SAY. Be better Than they say. Motivate yourself. 

Diff lives, diff times. I am nobody anymore. I am a wiyness. I’m not super controlling but I also don’t feed into the lies. 

If I was going to do things w my life at this point… it should be clear. It would be better to be respectful of rituals. 

I can’t believe the things that have happened. My forehead shows stress once again, my mind doesn’t like lies. She actually never responded. She must be busy, priorities are delicate.   Have a dislocated right hip. 

I didn’t wash my face or brush my teeth yet. It’s super late and I’m here trying to be Mama to Roxy. She’s here but I’m it Gona try to keep a certain mans attention who threw me away.  I’m still hurt. Haha hurtz… ketchup. I’m not Gona be ok for a while cuz of the lack of respect and I’m lost for words again as u can see.. I’m 

To be honest, I added to it: I faked it. 

It’s too lonely here, I rather be a bird.

Oh and Do Not Sit On The MF Furniture BITCH! So stop pretending and leave me alone. I am not your friend. Xo

Words…

Loving

Good looking king kind intelligent 

Hardworking fun honest sensible sweet soothing adventurous warm cuddly cozy funny easygoing when needed firm cultured 

A lady named Crystal told me not to share w ppl when I get down bc ppl who are sending me negativity feed off of it. I thought that was so interesting bc it what I do, I write the negative out so it can flow out of me and leave me in a way… I am so confused we even feel these terrible feelings. If I do, imagine! I know it’s leaving me… we all might be doing better together as a whole over time, getting more used to life’s ups and downs and better at cushioning the tough times for ourselves. I’m on a journey of awakening. It’s all happening… I’m going to get it together and better and better. It’s unbelievable how many things must be going on at the same time. I still have things to learn and people to meet and the divine timing of this life, alchemizing the movements and thoughts like a cause and effect. It’s all here and now and the peace in a pause in the bliss of a beautiful kiss, hold her, stay with her a while, it’s not a dress rehearsal, it’s better not to rush. Ppl need to be held and not asked for things from them. Just be. Just be together and savor the moment and allow time to pass by without saying anything but staying present in deep care and love like a gift to that person. It’s not that hard to do. To not do. To not say, to not keep on w whatever is next but to stop for once and not let yourself go back to u but stay THERE, right there, breathing, seeing the little peach fuzz hairs, they are growing and cells shedding or whatever try to see it. Really look tho. What do u see? What do u see w eyes closed about that person, being there for that person in a present way. It’s underrated. 

Seeed

I feel like a seed. In the dark. In the warmth of the Earth, from the sun. It’s juicy moist texture all around me. Should I come out to see the sun? Should I stretch my arm out for some fun? Cool inside this cuccooon I’m pampered, things feel just right. The texture I’m in is pleasant like my bed right now. Striving for something we feel we must!!!! What is it out there that is such thrust? What am I shakespgere now? The crooks n crannies see the light slightly, anglular rays piercing in the cracks from under. Birds. It’s always the same. And always different as well. Hungry for Hugs. The Huggy Monster lol. I have You Roxy. I am very lucky. It’s the luck of the Irish! Haha if only the beach was right outside, I’d never leave.  I like it here.  I can feel some kind of vibration hatching me out. Like I’m growing and birthing…. YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSASSSSSSSSSSSAAASASSSSASAZSZzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

So this guy..

Like w no shirt on, a bowl of whatever popcorn or chips, opens the door w his back while keeping eye contact with you as it …. 

I forgot what I was Gona say but I’m so glad ppl are fucking

Eruptions! Erupts! Erupto! WTF the thing doesn’t even let me write it!!! Meng ya que pasa contigo border..

No I don’t watch sumo. Yes I can watch sumo. Do I want to? No. But I’m happpyyy it exists! It’s culture, it’s interesting, I don’t get it so pls teach me. Anddedeeddddddd

Photoshop!

Wow I just poisoned the prayer w the word Photoshop I think. 

Echo

Is what I meant, it’s a sound, it’s a projection that multiplies to infinity. Dots do. So if dots don’t move they are solid but each a dot moving through is a ripple. Ripples of symmetry in layers and cutting through air cake !!!!  Lassoued by a cowgirl on her horse-xcuseme… coming through… battling acrobats… what just happened? I feel fine though. I feel better by the day actually. I feel like I’m gonna have to do more arent I? I will do my Best. May all the heavens and even non heavens Rest In Peace. 

Amén.

She’s back lol

I told u I’m nocturnal and the owl is one of my spirit animals, can u handle it? Lol did t think so! Me neither actually. The other is def a camel, possibly a Butterfly (that’s my good omen sign) I listen to the signs… I stop and read what 555 means bc it’s not all in my head like I’m not that good yet… but it’s getting there. I’m just into what I’m into and your you and into whatever that is and I want to know some things but my time here is limited so I don’t want to know everything. I don’t blame you for thinking the same about what I’m choosing to rant about… it’s just my own therapeutic journey… it doesn’t have to be public but we r so over saturated w things to read and do… this isn’t something everyone has to read at all. It’s supposed to get better at that tho I guess… is that right? Ok so…  here goes the twist…

“TAMARA, you are my beloved daughter, I love you” said God.

I believe we are Gods, if we are the sons and daughters we are also the new Gods to experience life and eventually grow up to take reigns by noticing the power of our words, thoughts & desires. Do we know what our greatest desire/desires are? It’s not that easy. You know you feel meant for more yet you don’t step into it completely, you know yet shy away from the fullness of your entire being. You have your moments. You are cheating w what isn’t really you. You forgot how hard it is to be your clear authentic self and you hide behind the masks of comfort only to numb thy self from the power of your healing light only to dim yourself in the end bc your not as big yet you hide behind a curtain til it’s too late to even come out at all and then blame it on the show being missed and scurry off without even saying bye hoping nobody will notice LOL. Not a good Look TAMBO! Lol. I will write a private forgiveness letter to God… he knows it’s coming… he understands, he forgives me… it’s about forgiving myself and about the love that has no where to go sometimes… it starts to become a universe inside of me… our bodies are entire universes for sure. The sacred geometry shapes there are repeated into broken down divisions and fractions and it’s percentile of linear line isn’t even there…. It’s that infinite… it’s everything in everyway so maybe it’s doesn’t matter so much what I say but what I mean and what I feel like to be around… so before I knew this I would be pouring our sort of negativity bc it didn’t know where to go… and then reading back at things I notice that it’s not just the reader it’s also the FEEDER… and how I’m releasing my ways has a flourishing phenomena… you know like wicked spell purpose… onimotapoiea ah 

Ahhh

Gah

Wah

Jah

Ra

I better be good for something 🧲

Digging for… Gold…✨

The last sip-per…

I’m lying on my yoga mat before the sunrises knowing how much love I have for both the sun and the moon and which I think I am more like or which I aim to be more like or which I’d like to see more of or any comparison to question to know where I stand and how lovely it is and honestly I don’t even question it. If it’s true I’m supposed to be asleep at night and awake in the day I just really like to stay awake talking while watching the stars, catching them shoot across the sky… or a fire burn in the night, it’s warmth gives me feelings of hope, incredible power, ancient wisdom, nature as something to respect, I don’t need to take Ayawaska to get that. I feel my ancestors and all of our higher powers and the magnitude of intelligence that finally I can assure you we shouldn’t fear, we are watched, guided and cared for when we need it. Creepy are our thoughts, not their love. We must deliberately ask for more guidance, show more respect, remember they are who come before us, I also forget these things. I came to write again, to discuss a silly thought, the love and care I crave now questionable cuz then I won’t be as able to be my crazefree self… I’d have new eyes on me caring to watch me do these rarities and then I ask why I don’t belong? It’s bc I guess I wanted this, I painted this picture, I manifested the dream through some kind of intention and even if u want more than one thing u end up somewhere… it’s my wild guess. I appreciate being here, exactly where I am, only thing is missing is you to hold and be held by. That would mean I’d have less time to write here, I’d be more present, the moment, connection. I took a year off writing one time, just saying… it is a long time but also something i missed. I’ve tried lots of diff things but some things do stay the same, don’t they. I couldn’t have a baby now, I don’t even have a guy… I have a dog, I have a business to attend to, I have relationship issues. I don’t go to a therapist. I don’t take meds. I deal. Life is about teamwork, about sharing moments w ppl u love and love u back. Life is no fun alone, socially distanced, or wearing a mask. Life is a lie if it is. Life is not supposed to be like this and this is not life. Kids and even dogs r seeing owners/parents holding a phone all day long. I can’t be a part of this and yet I am. We know it and we just are… we can’t not be. Everything is made of plastic! I don’t know what to eat anymore. Silly things hyped up to be so expensive and then it don’t match up to what we can afford. They r selling us fake crap or temp shit or even what’s cheap is so cheap but the pollution isn’t being acounted for. While turnin a blind eye we see time fly by… we make time to avoid, to get high and to play w puppets while missing the point and losing sight of the goals and over all direction. We all know this now. We are human and want to find pleasure, with enough money we can do that but also it’s got to be found for free. Not through drugs or even marathons but through more of what’s simple in life before the cement. The great pleasures shared for those with nothing. That it is limitless w solar, wind… why deprive and punish ONLY, so much? I always pretty much say the same thing… yes, a better world. A better world. 

Shape up Wake up Whatever…

I dont wana “wake up”, (Had this in my notes and it’s Gona go here, somethings I write in other secret places. I write in my notes and I do still write on paper FYI)( Ps again, this is old. )

But i feel like a drink.

I said i wouldnt drink for June but that didnt pan out. I wanted to but then i knew it would be hard cuz life can get tough and you opt for a drink to or i did.

I came home wayyy too late again, my parents must think im crazy. I did come home late, my life isnt structured enough. Idk who to blame but myself but i feel like taking a big ass shot of vodka or turning the alarm off to grab a beer, an IPA which i dont even like. Usually when i want this, i dont do it but i might this time. Im just being honest. Doesnt pay to be honest. I was at a friends in the SW area and i think i even have my destination shit visible. Thats how much im like “here i am, so what?” Lol if i was up so something worse i wouldnt have that. So, im home finally, hoping my parents wont be pissed or know how late i got here and and so many other things i dont even wana talk. I feel fine, just wondering if im a freak or simply still on LA time.

Baby Pink Airplane FLY FLY FLY

Dude wow but why do even GUYS feel the need to partner up? Like if I’m ok w not… imagine… this could actually be another pandemic ;) 

Ok Bc if things were too perfect, they’d be too perfect right? ???

I think so too.

Palindrome, palm tree, air, breathe, thank God I don’t have to sell my soul. 

What is going on?

Like the paper airplane once launched is going to fall down… 

 Paper plane tie dye baby pink pls

The brain exercises were shared w me. To make me a better athlete, student …  to play a video game w my brain… it’s the start of the future! Who gets to do that? Thank u. But why? My mom is so hung up on vaccines right now, I don’t get why she was convinced to do this other thing. I just don’t get it. As much as I want to understand 

Mean it Go Green it ?

Ok so, what happened? I forgot exactly if you could remind me… it’s making me crave something and then I want the other thing and that’s how we balance… u know? So we are in a reality game instead of a virtual one… instead of the biz game, the art game, the food game, we have this very important game we call LIFE. We are all players playing in it… you might be player #1 and somewhere in your life are all these other players… and they all think they are player #1 right? So they are ultimately in it for themselves. And all these other things come into play to affect them. Idk what kind of GAME it is when I’m not in the game… but I only have my view of the game and things in my game change when I make different decisions and hang w diff “players”  like it could make a nitty gritty city look like paradise etc. it could look like rose colored lenses are suddenly an option, or treasure and opportunities pop out of the wood works… it’s prob not one sided either… there would be sooo many diff kinds of WORLDS we could see by just exploring the chances of this “REAL virtual Game” that coincide w who we really are and what we have to offer that we would/could date ppl in a dream like our FAKE PRETEND PERSONA could date for us while we are busy doing the real deal stuff,,,, Na mean? 

Go Green, don’t be mean, I would only be mean to the ppl that needed it … hahaha 

I’m such a bitch sometimes! ;) 

NOT!

Xoxoxo

TAMS

Hello I’m

A classy woman. I’m a bit …. But I’m just joking, (I’m joking)… ((I’m not really joking though!!))… Hi! yes Hi…. Still here.. mmmm … I’d like to offer you something… 

We’ll just, We’ll just… 

;) 

LOVE YOU.

Protection

So I used to be cool, I used to be young and cutting edge  and now I find myself like in between places… trying to find myself. Trying to see if “free” is even worth it. I’m not as cutting edge anymore. You gota be young to know what’s up more, you know that tho… now I’m better… I don’t root for That… D worst headache… 

Cuz I do it 4 myself! I’m the Best at this LOL

I have 5 migraines. I knew this would happen. 

OMG lol.  I have a huge heart I heard a train just now I am super trying to figure it out. 

Still on hold…

Lol

Xoxoxox

Tambo te quiere …

Scissor Sisters

Hello hello hello is there anybody in there just nod if you can hear me (echo) 

is there anybody home?

come on now, I hear you’re feeling down…. well I can is your pain, and get you on your feet again           relax 

I need some information first. first, relax… just to face the facts …can you show me where it hurts… 

well I don’t know who you are and that you’re OK with no punctuation. So I thought that we could share God duties.

Good to Go

Wow ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. So. So…….. so, I’ve noticed that when we are young we are feeling quite powerful and confident and willing… JESUS CHRIST WAS HUMBLE AND NOT EXEMPLIFIED IN CAPS LIKE THIS OK SORRY… but there are new humans coming into the force…. Affecting the force… who are they when they are un KNOWN of even themselves? Who are they? how even dare they? Like how do you even Tjhink tho? Sorry, Not sorry this time. But hey! I’m not stupid. And who are you? But who tho? Practice makes perfect that’s fir sure. But I’m not here for you to practice on. I rather PAY you when you are THERE. I can teach u things too. But you will learn, but I won’t be your practice, I am waiting for you, to have that moment w u, before you .. bloom.

Wow TAMARA

9. Ra’ רַע (pronounced rah)

There are many different words for sin in the bible but ra’ is used more than 600 times!  It comes from another Hebrew word ra’a, meaning evil or bad.  When you remove the “a” sound at the end, its meaning encompasses “evil”, “harm”, “displeasure”, or “misery” but it also conveys an aspect of brokenness.  It can mean “broken into pieces”, like when something’s completely ruined or “blemished”, like things unfit for presentation to God, such as for sacrifice.

Use in Scripture

The ugly, gaunt cows from Pharaoh’s dream in Genesis 41 are described using this word, as is the wild beast that Joseph’s brothers claimed devoured him in Genesis 37.  It’s also the word that was translated into “evil” in describing the tree in the Garden of Eden.  It was the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Ra’.

A Reader’s Hebrew and Greek Bible

Brokenness

While we know that sin is disobedience to God, without the aspect of brokenness, we have no reason to turn to our Savior.   Everyone knows there’s sin in their life but not everyone realizes their brokenness in it.  We all know someone who says “Sure, I’ve done bad things but I’m a good person overall”.  This is to imply that sin is just part of who we are, but God will surely compare us to one another and forgive the good people for being less evil than the really evil ones. 

It sounds great but that’s just not how it works.  The bible says that we ALL have fallen short of God’s glory (Rom. 3:23).  He’s just too glorious, too perfect, and too holy for us – even the good ones – to ever measure up to Him.  HE is what we’ll be compared to in judgement, which is why all of us need Jesus, the only person to have kept all of the Law perfectly, as our substitute.  

Without realizing that the ra’ in our hearts has left us blemished, unacceptable, and broken before God, we are unable to see our need to accept the gift of Jesus.  When we get to the point of being devastated by our ra’, we can then humbly approach God, genuinely repentant, and be made unblemished, acceptable, and perfect in the eyes of our Creator, fit for communion with Him!

These are just a few examples of Hebrew words that can enrich our faith through an understanding of them in their original form.  Imagine what can come to light in the process of learning even more of the Hebrew language!  As lifelong students of the bible, learning its main original language will deepen both our faith and our relationship with the God of the universe!

What brought you here?

Eager to start working again… I have lots of great ideas to juggle at the same time. I’m really excited and of course could use some help. It’s time to start a new and reinvent myself… I’m truly excited foe what’s to come and I’m going to give it my all. I will continue also w my Reiki studies, my running & yoga which help me feel great, my healthy cooking, my doggie moments OMG I miss Roxy so much! I’m feeling really happy, centered, creative, grateful & like I have everything I need to go into the next phase. I don’t know how I will handle ALL of the business part but I’m hoping I can handle all the orders, new projects and activities with a solid team which I’m slowly building. I want to pay well but I need the right team who isn’t going to BS the job, trust is huge right now bc I need to leave some things to others. I will try not to micro manage but have learned u can’t really leave things completely in the hands of others with a long list of duties so it’s incremental and together over time w more things done correctly it will lead to exponential. I’m not worried and rather go slow and have things done right. It’s going to be a beautiful journey and I want to dance our way through the challenges. I’m not going to worry, I’m simply going to breathe more and trust more. I’m going to ask for help when I’m overwhelmed and have better people around me who are available to do the work it takes to make a dream come true. It has to be fun, positive, focused & peaceful. So maybe my new rule is:

EASY DOES IT, LOVE IS ALWAYS A BETTER WAY, HAPPY IS LIKE A FONT GET JIGGY W IT IT MAKES LIFE SO MUCH BETTER, SPRINKLE KINDNESS ALL OVER EVERYONE & EVERYTHING PLEASE. THANK U SO MUCH! Yippee LOL

Peace ✌️ 

HOW TO GET A WOMAN…

How to get a woman…

Step number one choose wisely, really choose. If you choose too easily move on too fast or don’t choose well enough we’ll find out and you won’t stand a chance.

Step number two point your arrows to target. Once you have selected your victim Point your arrows….

Point you’re many arrows first point your brain arrow once you have it in your mind that that is who you want your mind is a very powerful arrow and must be pointing in the direction of your prospect. 

Point Your eye arrows… you have three eyes the two physical ones will let her know you are interested these are very important signs for her to know the game is on. Your third eye must also be pointed in clear direction to target. 

Next is your heart arrow, This arrow will make sure you have only nice things to say and do for her. If this arrow becomes anyway unfocused on your target you instantly lose the game. 

Your gut arrow must be pointing, with this arrow decide what top 3 restaurants you want to take her on your first date. Don’t be gluttonous, be classy. Find out what she likes. Make good decisions. Be thoughtful and remember James Bond. 

The last important arrow is the one we don’t need to mention that’s the one you guys tend to think with. This member of the pack is also very important. Must be ready to go, cared for, healthy, groomed if need be just as much a your face. Remember to be thoughtful w this powerful arrow for he might be getting some action so come ready with his special Bday suit (if u know what I mean). 

To be continued…

Keep Smiling Under The Mask

It’s such a strange peek-a-boo time for the kids today. My eyebrows go up. I wonder what kind of magical powers they will get from this experience, so many non expressions. Enhanced eye reading? More attuned to energy, body, truth! Watch out! This is so next level ~Strange~. At least we have ways to see this with and yet we looks like blanks… who was complaining about having to smile when you see somebody? That wish came true. & The one I made about not wanting to go to work everyday came true LOL… I mean, just saying… be careful what u wish for! This is a strange manifesting reality game and we r in it TOGETHER even tho we r socially distanced make sure to talk powerfully about our future, cautiously watch BS mainstream media news and really hug and smile with the ones you can. Think of what you DO want more than complain about what actually is, find the energy in your body change reaction through different ideas… then communicate your dreams through writing and with others with the best description words to whom will appreciate (me). Lets share dreams and forget the fears, they are so passé anyway 😉. 

Lions Gate…

Portal… it’s today and so makes a lot of sense all that sleeping I needed etc. 

Check my temp

With so much to say but better not to say it. I’m not a young thing anymore I guess, I thought I could still get in but I mean they r just doin their job lol. I didn’t take care of myself enough today… I do more often than not. I wish u were here, it’s kinda late, I should get some sleep. Being of service… humankind, even as a ghost, like just being of service as close to full potential as possible, it’s what we should aim for bc it’s being useful, being unlesfish, doing what is needed from us and somehow if we knew what we were doing the better, what’s now offered is maybe not even financial but if it is it’s better. When things are needed of u it’s prob just not the …. Your business. For me it’s like an angel off the charts good deed. I guess I have to care to organize my value better. I know, I realize that.  I was talking a lot lot lot like I might as well own a parking lot. Just saying… I wanted to come back here and say that… I sorta wish I would shut the f up already and realize how I should always be shining and healthy and as great as I can be… so what happened was I lost my phone in my house and for sooo long I could not find it! It screamed Loca. I was so upset tho! I was like losing hope. Then I found it on the washing machine! Ugh. Can u believe it? So that’s my excuse… for getting extra weird bc I’m like that… I try so hard and then I fail maybe but it’s bc sometimes I outsmart myself. I think I might have the world record for losing my passport for example and then guess what… it’s exactly in the best place ever I just forgot to look there.. what do u call that? It’s just “not there yet” kinda stuff and she is good, organized, but she’s not that great at normal things but bc she’s sooo good she’s actually too good for her own damn self which is the same as how she lives in the moment… whatever it is… dude… she’s not selfish enough. Comes down to that. Comes down to responsibility… but in the end she just ends up suffering more bc she doesn’t want to be firm enough w her self, her life, she’s in the moment giving of herself and she’s too nice. It’s just a flawed person but maybe not, idk. It’s important that I get more serious w myself and my time. I have a headache. I’m not doing so good but then I am and then I’m not… I’m seriously sick of it. I don’t want to admit it but I have to. I just really think we can do better. I do, I fall, I am not feeling well guys, nobody’s fault but mine. I wish I was more normal I think but here is the struggle.. if I pass out now I won’t even realize I miss a person, a body, an actual warmth and imagine … it’s cuz I’m cold or something I don’t want what I don’t want lol I want … I want it all or nothing, I think. Super miss u love u and 

Nothing never mind.

In a Tetris Maze

Absorbent, reflective, autonomous, promiscuous, concerned, cul-de-sac, judge mental, heavy, frou-frou!, feather. Boa constrictor, Burlesque, bow tie, tuxedo, irritable, mustache, chartreuse, pungent, lift off, pigment, milk the goats, whales, wheels, why not. 

Symmetrical, anonymous, loving, caring, the train, signature, just words, mesh, veils, turnips, trumpets, 

Exhausted and miss u! Bumper cars for the streets. Twirl Angel hair w a fork in a spoon. That’s how it’s done. 

Momentum

Why is my breathing deeper than most? Lmao wait, stop, I can’t even do this.  my big deep breathe and even hold it while somebody barely even breathes… what is wrong w ppl? even when I ask them to breathe w me… they do but they didn’t go there… DOES IT MATTER?

 I heard somewhere that when I truly LOVE I will stop asking why… maybe bc I won’t care to know why anymore. So fucking pissed.

Syllables. Sounds, what if they mean different things? Bc they do so much. Energy, meaning, not only energy but the manifestations are tied to visualizations. Dude, I’m sorry,,, did I not already say that? What is fucking wrong w ppl tho? Ugh it’s so hard to express… I want to be a walking prayer, a better understanding of the past, I am to outgrow the old and do the new but by having my own opinion. 

My dog Roxy is so sweet and amazing. Since she was little I have been preparing myself for the reality that nothing lasts forever, hate to say it. Why do some things seem so real and far fetched? Like a baby out of my vagina is just unreal now. Cuz it’s not a clear thing. I feel like a little bit of a waste of a person if I don’t get to be a mom… 

Whatever it is, it’s my love… w no place to go! 

So funny right? I can’t breathe

The Vibration of Love…

Please read … 

I pulled the Buffalo card…

I love that it said…“that abundance is present in your life when ALL relations are honored as sacred”.

I needed to hear that.  

I have 

https://www.google.com/amp/s/archangeloracle.com/2017/05/17/buffalo/amp/

Then we also pulled Deer… 

“Love is the key.

Be willing to find things to love about yourself and others. Your demons will melt away. Your fears cannot exist in the same place that love and gentleness abide.

Stop pushing so hard to get others to change. Change comes from within. Apply gentleness to your present situation, become like the summer breeze, gentle, warm, and caring. Moving over, through, and around the one’s you Love.

This is our lesson for solving our present dilemma. If you use it, you will connect with Sacred Mountain, the centering place of serenity, Great Spirit will guide you on the path.”

Chomper our deer friend!! Are you Listening. The T is silent. 

I have so much to learn and improve on. Thankful of these messages. So Thankful.

The Symbolic Meanings for Deer

Love

Grace

Peace

Beauty

Fertility

Humility

Swiftness

Regrowth

Creativity

Spirituality

Abundance

Benevolence

Watchfulness

It’s been said… any practice by which man sustains himself at the expense of other sentient beings, is considered wrong. Consider ALL non-human life to be Divine, as is human life.
So beautiful, 
http://www.shamanicjourney.com/deer-power-animal-symbol-of-gentleness-unconditional-love-and-kindness

Connecter Gadgetor

I need to slip into a good spot that is going to help me stop even thinking of the absurdities that are purely distractive and tempting me to waste my precious time. Truly wild to experience and I don’t even care… how does anybody own anything? How can patents be fair? How can the rights to music be true? Somebody owns “Happy Birthday”? So city now our Sin City, it’s translated into love… I have to stop… smell the Roses. 

Stop thinking it’s ok to kick ppl out like I do, even though they actually deserve it. What am I supposed to do? I am doing things but I need advice. I am not ok w the over all labeling, perspective of who I am so… only way is, be Sober. I actually need some alone time w some deep work that allows me to work through it. Which is what is happening now, but not really, not enough.. I have things to say but should I say them? I want to be close with somebody and story telling, or even there in silence by now.  

Maturity Rolling In…

Bc I’m working on it and it’s overall a different feeling. It’s not easier, it’s just how I am taking it all in. I’m single and even though I’m not lonely, I am still looking for my people LOL. Maybe they are all around me and I just can’t see them. Maybe I’m so far up my own ass that I am missing the ppl I’m supposed to be with. I get along w like everybody, I’m socially confident, love meeting new people, love conversations, I meet tons of ppl all the time but not often do things get much better than there. My mature self tells me there is more to it and where my life is at, my vibration and frequency is partially to blame. First of all, I may go out but im not easy to catch! I move! I connect briefly w many ppl. I might exchange information but im only trying to spread my HORIZONS, really not my legs w anyone yet. Some ppl really know how to have sex and I go back to them… im a mystery, nobody gets me, bc I do have secrets and I do keep my private life private. Haven’t you noticed? Do u reeeally think u got me figured out? Well, you don’t. Bc I don’t even! I haven’t been making the very best choices bc I’m supposed to be putting myself out there more, in the right places, and I am so strange, maybe I wasn’t really yet? I think I’m getting ready tho! I feel like I’m going to be a really amazing girlfriend for him and that he’s going to be absolutely amazing for me. I will take nothing less! This is my life! And I’m going to do it right! I want the real deal, either THAT or it’s a partnership agreement with somebody who feels like a trustworthy friend that I love their qualities and find attractive and want to have a baby with.  I will gladly be a mother if I can find the right guy to have babies with. I feel myself becoming so organized, so righteous, strong, ready, and more loving than I have ever been. I just don’t share my love with just anyone. After knowing how men are in this town it’s going to take a real effort to get in my personal love corner. I hope it happens and that it feels like magic. For now, I need to focus on expanding my art. Taking care of my body, home, dog, car, art studio warehouse, the Airbnb rentals, my grooming and pampering, my women moon gatherings, my diet, my training, my dance classes, home improvement… I want to add a deck and jacuzzi to the backyard. Get better at my emails LOL, create new shit and make money, my hair look pretty, my skin, my teeth, my nails, my shoes, my everything. So I have plenty to be focused on. Maybe I should start dating? I don’t want to get on those apps! I just want to live! And I want to get LUCKY 🍀 

So come on honey, come and find me!!!

Let’s show each other what life is all about! Let’s get deep with one another, let me give you all my LOVE, my attention, my touches and caresses, my kisses, my smiles, I want to dance with you and cuddle with you and whisper with you. Watch movies with you, have ideas with you, go for walks with you, cook for you, make everything better for you, laugh with youuuu, be there for u, be nice to you and naughty with you, I hope you exist! Haha Bc you do in my dreams at least and I’m not settling til I find you Love. Where are you?! Who are you? It’s time for me and you now… I’m waiting for you. 

Yours Truly